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I Rejected him and now I'm starting to have second thoughts

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  • #116053
    cardell banks
    Participant

    Hello, i met Guy A at school, he’s soo handsome. I was a freshman, he was a senior. He approached me first, he would always speak to me all the time and i would get chills in my body whenever he comes to speak to me. He told me I was attractive and we became friends. One day he asked if i had a boyfriend, i told him I did, but my boyfriend is acting funny lately, so he didn’t pursue me afterwards and we continued to be friends. My boyfriend and I broke up later on, and I was now single, and I wanted to go out with the guy, i never told him i was single, but I was a intimidated, i’m used to guys coming to me and asking me out first. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to hit on him so I just kept silent. I would always tell my friends how handsome and cute he his. I just couldn’t mustard the courage to tell him i liked him. I was thinking to myself, “he probably has a girlfriend, he wouldn’t be interested in me” I talked myself out of it and ended it settling for another guy who became my boyfriend that same year, but I still wanted to Guy A’s attention on me. So Guy A graduated, i saw one of my friends giving him a hug, i pushed her off, and gave him a hug, i was bit jealous, i still had feelings for him but at the same time I still had a boyfriend. Later on he contacted me on social media saying He had a crush on me since we both met and wanted to date me but he didn’t tell me because i had a boyfriend, which is understandable. I told him how much i liked him to, and when he graduated, i was sad and regretting. I was wondering if he had got married, left town, had a baby, I wondered if he forgot about me. I was still in a relationship when he reached out to me. He was telling me he was leaving the city, but secretly i wanted him to stay. Later on, me and my boyfriend break up. Again, i didn’t tell Guy A, because i want him to come to me. I saw Guy A post a photo of a beautiful girl he took a picture with, she wasn’t his girlfriend and me being jealous and insecure. I sent the girl a friend request to see what she has that i didn’t have. Guy A’s brother approached me and asked me out. We messed around and we ended up having sex. Guy A finds out about it and confronts me and asked why did I tell him i liked him and then go out with my brother. I made up excuses, i told him “your brother approached me more than you, he asked me out more and I figured you lost interest in me and i thought you had a girlfriend. I told him i cannot go out with you and it would be wrong.” Little did i know, he didn’t have a girlfriend, but i was afraid to ask him. I felt bad, i didn’t know how to feel about this. So a few months later i ran into him at a hotel, we talked about what happend and he told me he still have feelings for me, I told him “to not give up hope on me too fast. You never know what will happen in the future” He asked for my number and i gave it to him. He still insisted to go out with me and I told him i’ll think about it. In reality i was giving him false hope. I ended up being in a relationship with someone else. I was leading on Guy A, i couldn’t tell him i was in a relationship, he was being needy and obsessive over me, he didn’t have much going for himself. i was lying to him, he would text me, i wouldn’t respond, he would call, i wouldn’t answer, he left me voicemails and a message on facebook, I wouldn’t reply, I never heard from him again. I saw Guy A’s Twitter account and I followed him, but he never said anything. later on I followed his other twitter account, he didn’t say anything.

    I haven’t seen or spoke to Guy A in 7 years. From what i heard, Guy A is financially well off and is doing well for himself. He’s became more of a mystery and his confidence level has changed. Sometimes i wish Guy A would speak to me. I’m wondering if i had settled, would things be different if i was with Guy A? Did he forget me? Its like i don’t want anyone else to have him. so many questions i’m asking myself now. I’m not sure how to deal with this. Any advice would be great. Thanks

    #116082
    anita
    Participant

    Dear neverhavethis:

    I read your post. In the last two lines you wrote:

    “So many questions I’m asking myself now.” – what are the questions you are asking yourself?

    “I’m not sure how to deal with this”- what do you mean by to “deal with this”?

    anita

    #116127
    cardell banks
    Participant

    How do I approach the man that I rejected?

    #116130
    anita
    Participant

    Dear neverhavethis:

    You want to know how to approach Guy A?

    Before you did not approach him although you liked him very much because you believed he should approach you. When he did approach you, telling you that he had a crush on you, you were not available (had another boyfriend). When your relationship ended you did not let Guy A know that it ended and still expected him to approach you. When Guy A’s brother approached you, you had sex with the brother. When confronted by Guy A about you and his brother, you told Guy A that you had sex with his brother because Guy A didn’t approach you.

    So, if I understand correctly, you decided to be assertive and approach Guy A (instead of waiting for him to check if you are available and then approach you)?

    anita

    #116132
    cardell banks
    Participant

    Yes, I want to tell him how sorry I am and want to make it right with him. I’m a bit afraid because its been a few years since we talked and I don’t know how to initiate the conversation without it feeling awkward.

    #116140
    Alien incident47
    Participant

    Take it for what it is,you are young and so is he . It’s not like either of you were ready to settle down and make a life together, learn from this and move on . Sounds like your trying to please everyone and you can’t. No need to go chasing someone and open old wounds he has moved on let him be . He is healing himself from this experience you should do the same. Rather than focus on love at your young age focus on your future. Where you can support your self and live independently , focus on a life you want to live

    #116142
    anita
    Participant

    Dear neverhavethis:

    You wrote above that you “want to make it right with him”

    But in your original post you wrote that he is okay, he is right with himself at the present. You wrote: “I haven’t seen or spoke to Guy A in 7 years. From what i heard, Guy A is financially well off and is doing well for himself”

    Why interrupt his life now- is it that you want to get involved with him now because he is financially well off?

    The right thing for you to do, I believe, is learn from your mistakes for future reference with another man:

    * When you are interested in a guy who already expressed interest in you, and you become available, don’t wait for him to figure out that you are available, let him know that you became available.
    * When you are interested in a guy who already expressed interest in you, and he doesn’t approach you because he thinks you have a boyfriend (and you don’t), don’t have sex with his brother. Instead let the guy know that you are available for him, not for his brother.

    anita

    #116147
    manbuddha
    Participant

    Maybe call him and show you care.
    If you still care.

    Please try not to be afraid. You are a beautiful woman, you don’t need to say much. LOL. You still have to say something though.
    Simply: Hey I was just thinking about you…how are you doing? ((he replies) and then arrange to meet. Why? The phone may make things weird.
    If he’s far away, try to set up a Skype date.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by manbuddha.
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