Hi Arie

I’m very sorry for the pain you are going through. It might not seem like it right now, but this might be for the best. As he is a person who I would imagine regularly drops out of contact continuing this relationship would have been challenging. Someone who is able to be present would be a better fit.

It is a shame because it almost sounds like two different relationships. One where he was present and attentive. Another, where he drops out of contact with you, is depressed and grumpy when you do speak.

It is understandable to grieve the loss if the good parts of the relationship. I hope you are taking extra care of yourself during this difficult time?

Do you have any fears regarding being single? Or related to dating?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Arie

Can you tell me how you feel when you are alone, without a partner? When was the first time you remember feeling afraid of being alone?

Ultimately, our partners are responsible for their own poor behaviour. However, we are responsible for selecting and setting boundaries with our partners. You have a habit of being extremely vulnerable and not protecting yourself enough when dating.

There and some bad people in the world, there are some good people in the world and there are many people who fall somewhere in the middle. It can take a long time and meeting many people to find a suitable partner.

The many people with bad behaviours are why it is important to be discerning and protect yourself when dating. The process of dating itself can slowly reveal an individual’s flaws. It is very easy for someone to pretend to be a good person for a small amount of time. People have more difficulty sustaining this over longer periods. The initial period of good behaviour also has the effect of creating caring feelings for the individual. This is beneficial for them as it makes you reluctant to leave the relationship when people treat you poorly. An open minded yet cynical approach to new relationships offers a lot of protection, should bad behaviour be revealed in the future. Which is why people have recommended that you guard your feelings and take new relationships more slowly.

If I were you I would be wary of any partners that encouraged you to emotionally attach very quickly. Whilst they might be kinder, there is a concern with dating younger men. They may be fine with dating you, but less interested in committing. At the end of the day, once their fun dating lifestyles are over they may have a desire to settle down and start a family. Young people may often deny this inevitable future in order to have fun dating you. On the other hand there are some individuals who may never want to have children.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Helcat.

I know it’s probably little consolation, but you are by far not the only one.  Haven’t you ever wondered about all of the beautiful women who have had so much going for them, and  they are either cheated in or treated very badly by men.  Lady Dianna, Liz Hurley, Elle MacPherson, Christy Brinkley are just a few.

Their problem is that men don’t live in the same way a lot of women do.  They cdont want to commit because of the fear that there might just be someone better out there- especially when their most recent girlfriend bolstered their egos – their cobfidencegies through the roof.

I’m pretty similar to you- just around 15 years older.

Fortune as re My for me, I have cone to see that love takes many forms. It’s not just about poor baby men who are always looking out for themselves.

I genuinely wish you well, and I truly hope that you can see that this guy isn’t worth your tears and sadness.  Hugs

They rarely come back when you are sitting around crying.  Usually when you have gotten on with your life