Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→I want to be everybodies favorite person
- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 1 month ago by
XenopusTex.
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November 16, 2016 at 9:07 am #120491
LeanneParticipantHi all,
It has been awhile since I have posted but I am trying to figure out how to deal with a internal conflict. Very often I find myself getting jealous about things that I should not be jealous over, people mostly. When I am with friends, family and my SO. When I see their faces light up at the prospect of seeing a friend they know or chatting with someone very enthusiastically, it makes me sad. In a way I feel left out and in another I just wish they would light up or be that happy when they talked to me. But in every circumstance I don’t get that from anyone(or maybe I’m too blind to see it). I wish I was everyone’s favorite person. However I don’t wish to think this way anymore. I want to be able to let these people in my life have free rein over who they light up with or get excited to talk to. I don’t want them to feel bad cause I feel a little down after. I have literally no idea how to combat this, meditation helps as in I’m not as bothered by it but it still gets to me sometimes and I want to stop it. Looking for advise please although I’m a little fragile about the subject so please don’t be too harsh 😛
Best wishes to everyone and thanks for reading!November 16, 2016 at 9:19 am #120493
AnonymousGuestDear Leanne:
You will be my favorite person today if you respond to my reply here. All the threads you started in the past, you didn’t come back to them; didn’t respond to any of the people who replied to you. If you respond to me here, this will be a First and it will brighten my day!
anita
November 16, 2016 at 9:23 am #120494LeanneParticipantHi Anita,
It’s a bad habit I always forget to respond. Do you have any advice? I am really stuck here haha 🙂
Thank you for your response, I do really appreciate it 🙂
LeanneNovember 16, 2016 at 9:26 am #120495
HarryParticipantHi Leanne. The truth is you can’t please everybody. You are unique, and so is your personality. I think its a self-esteem issue. I face the same thing. At work, I see my fellow coworkers get better treatment from the bosses than me, and I work very hard. That make me feel left out because no one jokes around me. Its possible because your life event made you serious. Your personality may require more depth in conversations, otherwise you feel that you got nothing out of the conversation. So, best way is to tell the people you interact with how you feel, and maybe they can see that you require communication at a different level. Another way is to increase your self-confidence. I am guessing you are in your 20’s too. What are your thoughts to the response?
Take care
November 16, 2016 at 9:35 am #120498AnonymousGuestDear Leanne:
You made it- you brightened up my day and you brought a smile to my face for the first time today (9:30 am here).
You asked for advice, so here is my advice:
Connect with the little girl in you who wanted to be (a parent’s?) favorite, who wanted that person’s face to light up when she/he saw you. Connect with that little girl who was sad because she was not special in that person’s heart and who was jealous when she saw that person light up for someone ELSE! “Why not me?” she thought, greatly distressed.
Connecting to that little girl who is still in you, and feeling empathy for her (all this is a process that takes time, preferably in therapy with a competent, empathetic therapist) will loosen up your current sadness and jealousy.
Would you like to share about that little girl?
anita
November 16, 2016 at 9:57 am #120500LeanneParticipantHi Anita and singhcool
On both sides I feel are correct. On one hand I know I have self esteem issues and I am starting to realise more than ever that I was brought up in a very negative and serious atmosphere. My parents have both been very negative about things all throughout my life. I have social anxiety as well for most of my life and I have gotten to a good level chatting with people(mostly had to study social interaction) in small talk but furthur than that I cant get to. I dont know how. I am getting better at throwing a joke around and getting people to laugh a bit but its usually not enough(there’s the lack of self esteem! Haha). I feel you on the no one jokes with you part. At my work I work with a lot of guys(im a girl, just in case that wasnt clear) and I cant seem to joke around with them as well as the other guys do. I appreciate the advice and yea I am in my 20’s 🙂 now on the other hand too I think less of my parents per say and more so my family as a whole and friends growing up. My cousin and sisters and I always hung out but I felt so left out because I am a lot younger than them. I didnt get to do all the things they did and often or not no one really wanted to talk to me that much but I wanted them to talk to me so badly. My friends too did the same things. So as a little girl I never really got social acceptance from anywhere, I was always doing something wrong. I wasnt really special to anyone haha. Therapy would be a good idea, although I am scared they will judge me a lot. Thank you too for your response, talking it through it making me feel a bit better about this stuff. Sorry for the long response!
Best wishes,
LeanneNovember 16, 2016 at 10:35 am #120501AnonymousGuestDear Leanne: Glad you replied again! Will be away from the computer for awhile; will read and respond to your post above when I am back.
anitaNovember 16, 2016 at 3:18 pm #120517AnonymousGuestDear Leanne:
You wrote that your parents are very negative people, very serious. As a little girl, you wrote, you weren’t socially accepted anywhere and often judged for doing something wrong. You didn’t feel that you were special to anyone. When mentioning therapy, you are afraid that the therapist will judge you.
A competent therapist is the last person in the world to judge you. On the contrary, accepting you as you are is the therapist’s number 1 job and responsibility.
No wonder you want to be “everybodies favorite person” (the title of your thread). If you were ANYONE’s favorite person as a child, feeling special to that person, not judged, but accepted and valued, then you wouldn’t need to be everybody’s favorite person now.
Question: is your boyfriend giving you that “favorite person” attention? Or is it that no matter how much positive attention he gives you, it doesn’t feel enough for you?
Does it feel to you that if he gives someone else special attention, then it makes his special attention to you- not special anymore?
anita
November 16, 2016 at 8:59 pm #120530
XenopusTexParticipantLeanne: You can’t be everybody’s favorite person. No matter what you do, somebody won’t like you. Sometimes lots of people don’t like you. Sometimes people really don’t like you and try to vandalize your stuff or hurt you. Would you want to be a mugger’s “favorite person”?
I struggle with rejection at times too, but keep trying to remember something an acquaintance who was in sales told me: Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Someone’s Waiting.
I also struggle with negativity (though, sometimes, things really do just s**k). Not many folks “light up” to see me. The last woman who did, I wound up apparently not having enough time for. That hurt at a level I have not felt before. I understand your pain. I’m more likely to be frowned at, yelled at, or threatened (what my collection of non-hunting firearms are for) than I am to be smiled at.
Really didn’t know how to react when somebody thought I was great, and boy did it cost me. Unfortunately, can’t go back and fix the matter. Don’t fall into the trap of negativity to the point where you may not recognize something positive.
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