April 7, 2022 at 10:32 am #397201sbreezeParticipant
Hello to you reading this, and to the sites staff. This web page has been a positive place for me, all the way since high school, and I always return to it from time to time. I’ll try to keep my long story short.
More than five years ago I’ve come to a point in life where I’ve lost contact and touch with almost all of my friends. Not only that, but I’ve found a new group of people, and somehow ended up departing from them also. There were people who were really, really close to me. On top of all of that I’ve lost contact with my girlfriend from that time.
At that time I was immature and simply didn’t know how to deal with life problems, how to talk to people, or was afraid in that newly put situation. Which led me to being alone, which led to being in your own mind, which led to not talking to people, which led to a belief that people who are there (family) couldn’t solve my problems or understand me.
Which led me to ‘bottom’ where I forgot every normal thing that there is. Friendship, education, kindness, etc. Left all alone there in the ‘bottomless pit’. I just didn’t know how to handle things, that’s just it. It’s easy to see that now. And also I am very stubborn when it comes to people helping me. I can always do everything by myself. I can’t show a sad or helpful face in front of people, as I hide my emotions and just think with brain and that just backfires on my soul. Hurting me.
Anyway, it took a lot of time to climb out of that ‘pit’ where I was. It took a lot of time. All that bruises that I’ve got there held with me during that whole time, making me unable to talk to people. When I see friends or colleagues on the street, I avoid them because the natural thing for me when I stand in front of them is to cry. Because I am or was deeply hurt. That evolved in some social awkwardness, because I avoid to do the natural thing.
Okay, another natural thing is anger. Sometimes I just want to scream, shout, just act ‘out of the place’. Again, I avoid doing natural things for me.
Which leads me to my point of interest. I’m getting near a age where it’s not normal anymore to live with your parents. I live with female parent and my sibling. She has been there during my ‘rough’ times but, brother, am I angry. I tend to be gentle all the time, most of the time when communicating and acting, but sometimes I just want to tear everything down around me.
I can’t find a normal way of communication with my parent, with my mom, because she does not understand me. And no, I just don’t want to focus this on her, as I understand the feelings that I have are my own and she/they have nothing to do with this.
Let’s conclude this. Things tend to be complicated for people to understand completely, such as relationship and sharing a place to live with other people the are different from you, let’s say by age. Solely that difference puts two different people in two different timelines, experience, education, etc.
My problem that is bother me is this one. I sometimes feel like I am blocked. Blocked in my endeavors, blocked in my expression, just blocked. I believe that you’d find some like this in psychology books when it comes to male son and mother relationships. And another problem is that I plainly don’t know. Don’t have the knowledge to understand my problem, or to point my problem to a certain thing, or a person. As if I would knew where the problem lies, I’d know how to act upon it to solve it and make myself feel better. Yes, I do have a great job, I have made some new and good friends along the way, I even found a girl at some point, but I know I feel I can do so way more.
Have you felt this way? I simply don’t know and that’s it. If I were to know I could do anything. But that disadvantage that I can not see thing that is holding me back… I’d be better much off without that blockage. Maybe I just need to find a girlfriend and share some intimacy, and things will get better. Or at least I hope so.
To all who read this, I want you to be peaceful. I want you to feel your emotions and go slow. Understand them, understand where they come from. Does that emotion guide your body? Don’t let it. Your spirit, your psyche needs to feel your emotions and lead your body and everything else. Don’t be fooled by the world, by the flashy pictures that you are shown everywhere, on the websites, on social media, on television.
I know it may be hard, but try to find a way to achieve your peace. If you are peaceful inside, there is no limit, no boundary that can stop you.
My problem is too complex. Maybe your also. But know one thing, that with kindness, gentleness, peace and patience you’ll go long ways. Really don’t know what I’m trying to achieve with this. Maybe someone will give me valuable information or advice about my problem. I’ll try. I’ll try to find a way to connect with people and just talk about this things. I haven’t told any single person about any of this. Maybe this is a way to transform that anger and energy into a natural way. Seems like it.
Okay, thank you for listening! Hope you have a nice day today!April 7, 2022 at 12:39 pm #397216HelcatParticipant
I’ve experienced something similar. My suggestion is that avoidance reinforces anxiety because it confirms that your fears are true. Whereas, if you do something while you are afraid, chances are that nothing will happen except for the anxiety and if something does happen, it likely won’t be as bad as you fear. By repeatedly confronting fears you learn that a situation is normal and you don’t have to fear it. It does take time! Confronting and allowing yourself to experience difficult feeling leads to gaining confidence in your ability to cope with difficulties as they arise.
Therapy was a good way to learn how to overcome emotional numbing and learn to manage my emotions.
Would you like to discuss some difficulties that you have experienced in the past?April 7, 2022 at 2:19 pm #397224AnonymousGuest
“My problem is too complex” – when a boy’s relationship with his mom is too complex, life becomes too complex and needs to be simplified, layers of unnecessary complications removed from the basic simplicity of life. Do you relate to what I wrote here?
anitaApril 9, 2022 at 8:52 am #397393sbreezeParticipant
Helcat, your method is very realistic and down to earth. You put it very simply to words so everybody can understand a way to deal with fears and anxiety, and overcome them.
anita, I understand your point completely, and agree with you that things should be kept straightforward and simple as possible, as then we are able to appreciate them in it’s natural way.
Thank you both for taking time to read my thoughts and share yours. In this point in time I feel much better, and can now clearly see that the problem was not the things I described, but rather the emotion(s) that I felt. That are affecting the way I think and see things/people. This was just my way of escaping or seeking help/advice in a difficult situation. Like all people, I feel ‘mess’ of emotions too sometimes, and sometimes emotions take over control. That’s completely okay. That’s why we need to master our emotions.
With this clarity now I’m better of listening and helping others, rather than to talk any more about my problems. Thanks for asking, Helcat.
Hope you have a nice day today!April 9, 2022 at 9:20 am #397395AnonymousGuest
You are very welcome.
“Sometimes emotions take over… That’s why we need to master our emotions” – well said!
You expressed that at this point you are experiencing clarity and you therefore prefer to help others and to not talk anymore about your problems. I respect that. You are welcome to post again anytime, so to help others and/ or to help yourself.
anitaApril 9, 2022 at 9:26 am #397397HelcatParticipant
I’m glad that you are feeling much better now! That’s very kind of you to say.
Personally, I don’t see emotions as the problem.
Often, we become afraid of things due to traumatic past experiences. Humans are great at pattern recognition, so when something bad happens we look for similar scenarios. It is very difficult to live life constantly on guard.
I like to write down the outcomes of situations that I am afraid of, this helps by providing evidence to combat my fears.
I believe that coming to terms with traumatic past experiences and learning to control how we respond when emotions occur are important. Any actions we take are more important than the emotions themselves.
It’s good that you have found your own way of dealing with these things.
January 16, 2023 at 8:23 pm #413932archibaldwitwickyParticipant
- This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Helcat.
I think some people may just need to learn to forgive. Some people especially if they are at a young age they don’t know what they want. Sometimes being inexperienced and never having that support system or better yet, that picture of “family” they once knew, isn’t there anymore. Romantic love isn’t the only thing one should look for in a relationship rather, values and goals in life. Never let fear win. Sometimes being misunderstood can sometimes make you blinded to the many truths in life but don’t let that bring you do down. You seem to be a gentleman, a sentimental person, who by the sound of it, seems to have been given tests in life. I’m not sure if you are a religious person per say, but if you know, remember Jesus received opposition from the one closest to him but he maintained himself firm and his purpose here was to be fulfilled.
Sending warm hugs from a distance,
P.S God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Heal, forgive, and continue to love. You’re a good person.