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Ignored to See How He Feels?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #295471

    Liz
    Participant

    HELP! Why would a guy not reach out to me (been dating for 2 months) after I decided to not respond to his texts cold turkey? It’s been 3 days & he hasn’t wondered why I am ignoring him at all. I was doing the “no contact” to see if how he truly feels…he is the first to view all my snapchat/instagram posts. Unfortunately (out of anger), I blocked him on those things today, because I couldn’t stop checking on him.

    I tried to end things last Wednesday, because it felt like I was pulling teeth to hang out with him.  He told me I was overthinking it all. That he was busy because he just got a 2nd job as a bouncer and would try to make things work with me.  Fast forward to Saturday night, I texted him asking to get brunch on Sunday, and he completely ignored it to ask a random question. I called him out on dodging the question and he said he was at work so he wasn’t able to give me full response, but he would love to after he works out with his friend Ryan.  Sunday comes around and he says absolutely nothing about being able or not being able to get brunch after he tells me he is done working out. Asks me questions about my day then tells me how his bed is comfortable (I don’t respond), and he sends another text about getting called into work (I don’t respond).  After that he and I seized all contact.  He didn’t try to see why I was ignoring him or anything and ask what was wrong NOTHING!

    In multiple conversations of what are we: he says I am a “potential girlfriend” and he doesn’t want to lose me.  He just needs more time and doesn’t want to jump into something so quickly (time will tell)  But, he “doesn’t do shit like this” and I’m “different and special” and he “hasn’t felt this way about someone in a long time” seems like bs.   He stated how we technically are single but we are choosing to be loyal to each other and here is no one else except me.  He said if we didn’t end up working out he would want to be my friend and doesn’t want me to hate him.  He would always want to be apart of my life because of what I have been through and be there for me, but the downside is, he said he is friends with all of his exes…and how he used to be a douche and he isn’t anymore and he’s changed.  He said he’s ready to get his life together and not do that partying/random hookup shit.  I told him from the beginning I wanted a relationship and how i wanted to find someone that I would date for the long haul.  I’m not the casual hookup type and if he didn’t want the same then bye, because I don’t like or want to waste my time anymore.</p>
    <p class=”rz6fp9-10 himKiy”>I just felt like when I didn’t reply Sunday to 2 of his texts he would try and see what was wrong or call me or show up at my place???  But instead, he just creeped on social media and posted some snap of his cat (which I went with him to get) walking away with the caption “apparently he doesn’t even want me lol”…so sorry for the full blown novel, but I just don’t get his actions.  We used to hang out almost everyday and he would beg to see me, and now, all he does is ask where I am and what I am doing and never sees me during his free time.  For example, he plans to hang out with me Saturday and Sunday and when that comes around it is almost as if he doesn’t text me until it is too late or ask me dumb questions about my day.  He never takes the “out” like I gave him on Wednesday night to ending things.  I made him wait quite awhile and the moment I allowed us to have sex, I feel like he slowly got distant maybe.  When i call him out (like when he still talks to his ex or when he does shady shit), I am always accused of overthinking.  Then he proceeds to preach how he really likes me and is so annoyed, because he has gone out of his way to prove to me he isn’t an asshole/player guy like my past experiences.  And, how he really cares and it doesn’t seem good enough to me like what more can he say or do?  He says with his second job now, he feels like I deserve more time, but if I understand we won’t see each other every day like we used to and make efforts to see each other then we can make it work??? idk.  Please for the love of god someone help me understand this cluster fuck of a situation this is. Be real, honest, and blunt.  I need tough love.  I feel like my past abusive relationship of 3 years and guys this day in age faking wanting a relationship has truly hurt me.

    Side Note:  I met his sister and close friends from back home and he’s met my friends.  The night we met my card got declined at my birthday celebration for bottle service at a club.  He paid for it and took me back to his place without trying anything and we were inseparable ever since (I paid him back the next day).  When he goes out to clubs or bars, he rarely invites me to go with but will want to come back to my place to “cuddle” and says how it is a “guys night” stay out until 12 and then come to my place.  He tells me how he has other girls trying to hang out with him, but he only wants me like he says shit like that a lot or “i don’t do this” and “I have done all this to prove to you I really like you and I am not one of the rude guys you talked to in the past”.  I really do have a connection with him I have never felt with anyone else and the time we were together and it all flowed was amazing, but now I am left so hurt and confused and I don’t want to be with anyone else…

    #295485

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Liz,

    It doesn’t sound like he’s a bad guy, it just sounds like you two are incompatible.

    I think it’s good that he didn’t try to break down your silent treatment or show up (like a stalker) at your house. If someone doesn’t respond, that’s on them! So you can’t fault him on that one, really.

    Well, I say stop chasing him and move on.

    Best,

    Inky

    #295613

    Alexandria
    Participant

    It sounds like you guys had a lot of chemistry and you understand each other in a way. But it low key seems like he just wants someone at the end of the night, or not even that maybe just someone “there” casually. All these games you guys played with each other were petty and unnecessary to me personally. Manipulating someone to see if they care or get their attention is disgusting to me. But believe me we’ve all been there and done that girl.

    Anyway I just think for future reference, the best “game” to play is be honest with yourself! You already know what you want, you want something serious. So the next time you meet someone GET TO KNOW them before pursuing anything that is relationship-y that goes for sleepovers, sex, etc. Go out and have fun with them but just call it a night after that and go home. Just be real about your intentions and respect yourself. (Not saying your not just remember what some choices can do ya know?) Like my boyfriend (M25) and I (F22)got together we rushed into it. We texted/snapchatted everyday for like two weeks before we decided to go on a date(We had known each other through friends so he wasn’t a stranger) but after that first date dude we just rushed everything. I think I started staying over at his house like a month after all of this, it wasn’t the best start to a relationship, I regret it somewhat. Although I still love and enjoy our relationship, I just wish I would’ve taken things a little slower physically and built a stronger friendship so we could really have a solid friendship along with our relationship.

    #295657

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Liz:

    You told him something, “I told him from the beginning I wanted a relationship and how I wanted to find someone that I would date for the long haul. I’m not the casual hookup type and if he didn’t want the same then bye, because I don’t like or want to waste my time anymore”.

    And he told you a whole lot: “he says I am a ‘potential girlfriend and he doesn’t want to lose me. He just needs more time… he ‘doesn’t do sh*& like this’ and I’m ‘different and special’ and ‘he hasn’t felt this way about someone in a long time’… He stated how we technically are single but we are choosing to be loyal to each other and there is no one else except me… He would always want to be a part of my life… he’s ready to get his life together… he only wants me… I am not one of the rude guys”.

    It is very easy to say things, to articulate words, for most people. It takes very little effort and very little time. If you repeated what he told you and timed yourself, you will see how little time it takes to say all the things he told you and you don’t break a sweat saying these things. It is easy.

    You told him something (first paragraph) but then you forgot what you said, your clearly stated goal and got lost in what he told you. Better focus on your goal, see to it that you are proceeding according to your goal, instead of getting lost in someone’s words, words in his case that serve his goal, which seems to be having “the casual hookup type” relationship which you stated that you don’t want to have!

    anita

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