I looked in your previous threads for anything that may be most relevant to your current thread, and I found this, which you shared May 28, 2018, more than two years ago: “I just seem to fake moving past things. I can’t seem to shake these things. They all have a toll on my life. They’re holding me back.. I just can’t help but think about these things and feel sad about my parents and their relationships, letting a new boyfriend or girlfriend of theirs in and them being there, and then 5 months later, not”.
You shared that you are the only child of your parents who got divorced long ago. Both your parents dated a lot after their divorce. In 2018, you were living in Texas with your mother and her fiancé (now husband, I think) in Texas, visiting your father in New York. You shared that you talked to friends on a group chat about your problems, “all I wanted was advice or someone to listen to”, but “in the end, I was just called an attention wh**”
I think that you are very lonely and have been lonely for a long time, for years. It is as if your parents have been too busy with their dating lives, other people, so even though you are their only child, you simply didn’t get enough attention. I think it hurt you a lot that you were called “attention wh** when you did open up, so you closed the door on people. Most often you open up so very little on your threads, hardly open up at all.
I think the way for you to make “a beginning at it all” is to open up, maybe here on your thread (?), to really open up, more than ever before. I will not call you an attention ****, I promise. I will not criticize anything you share.