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I’m a beginner at it all

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #362821
    Grace
    Participant

    Hello!

    I hope this message finds everyone safe and healthy.

    I am turning 18 in a week and I have some thoughts I would like to discuss and get advice on! So far I have never had a boyfriend or ever really gone on a date, I’ve been asked out and gotten close to dating but it just never happened for reasons. Going into college, never being on a date, a complete virgin ( I haven’t even had my first kiss), it’s honestly really intimidating. It is not that I am super dedicated and my mind id completely off boys it’s just a good one has never come along. Idk if its just the weird ones that have courage, but it seems like only a creepy kind of guy ever asks me out or is interested :/ I will never put dating or boys before school, family & etc, but I find myself really wanting to experience love and relationships lol. I wouldn’t call myself desperate because I am genuinely happy being single but at some point I hope to experience those things lol.

     

    Any advice at how to start dating at 18? Tips for dating in college? Being a Virgin in college? lol Anything would be much appreciated!

    #362826
    daduwarkop
    Participant

    hello,i’m beginner too, how to create new topic?please guide me

    #362860
    Grace
    Participant

    for sure! so first you want to click “forums” on the menu above, then choose the topic you want to write on for example “tough times”, click on the topic. Then scroll all the way down and there is a empty writing space for you to title and write. Finally click submit and wait!

    #362867
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    “Its just the weird ones that have courage.. only a creepy kind of guy ever asks me out or is interested.. Any advice at how to start dating at 18?.. Anything would be much appreciated”-

    – I suggest that you start your “beginning at it all” (title of your thread) by coming up with a definition for  “a creepy kind of  guy” and “weird ones”- maybe the two terms are the same. You are welcome to define these terms here, on your next post and we can take it from there.

    anita

    #362919
    Grace
    Participant

    yes. So in my experiences the guys who have expressed interest in me just come off way too strong to the point where its creepy. I had one literally drive to my house and he sat in his car and texted me he was outside. Like WHAT?? Also just weird staring and awkward/off putting conversations with others.

    #362920
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    “one literally drive to my house and he sat in his car and texted me he was outside”- if you didn’t keep where you live a secret, if he – and others in the group- knew where you lived, and you knew where he lived, it doesn’t seem creepy to me that he texted you from outside your house.

    “weird staring and awkward/ off putting conversations with others”- I don’t know if your awkward and off putting experience was because the guys were creepy, or because you tend to feel creeped. Know what I mean?

    anita

    #362924
    Grace
    Participant

    well the thing is that the one who drove to my house never asked to come over and I didn’t personally give him my address. Maybe i do tend to be guarded when it comes to dating but the guys who ask me out just aren’t my type just because of that clingy/creepy vibe.

     

    #362926
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    I am trying to understand better, that’s why I ask you questions. Did you ever not feel “that clingy/ creepy vibe” by a guy who approached you and asked you out, and if so, what was different about that guy, or those guys?

    anita

    #362927
    Grace
    Participant

    i have with a couple. what was different was that I was friends with them before. Our personalities mixed well. We just had really good convos.

    #362929
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Grace:

    If you want to, add what happened with those two guys who approached you and asked you out, the two guys with whom you had good conversations: why did these two approaches did not proceed to you dating?  The more information and understanding you add/ gain relevant to your quest to “start dating at 18”, the better your chances are to start dating at 18, and make a good beginning at it.

    (I will be back to the computer in about 14 hours from now).

    anita

    #362978
    Grace
    Participant

    Well for one guy, I just got kinda nervous about dating. the other one grew from a great friendship to a toxic relationship so I just never dated him.

    #362923
    Dee
    Participant

    Hi Grace!

    I’m not the best at giving advice, however what you’re struggling with is something i have also struggled with in the past. I was a virgin, never kissed or interacted with any guys really until i was 20. I was also very happy and content being single however you may find positive male attention can be fun, and of course these things are bound to happen at some point! With this being said i want to tell you something that I personally think is helpful and will hopefully make you feel more relaxed : awkward moments are essential, and you don’t have to feel awkward about them. Just go with the flow, communicate well, and don’t stress yourself out about it. I think the fact that you’ve already been able to turn down/ choose not to entertain the “weird” or “creepy” ones is great, you have your standards! If using dating apps isn’t something you already have tried i would start there. You don’t have to go on dates or meet anyone necessarily, but i think it’s a solid way to get comfortable communicating with men, although the in-person part is a whole lot different. Make sure you set boundaries and consent is in place when you do start testing the waters. I feel there may be more I could throw in here but i hope this could be a somewhat helpful start for you!

    #363012
    Grace
    Participant

    No that was definitely very helpful. Thank you!! I will definitely try some dating apps, what is a good app to start with, tinder?

    #363017
    Dee
    Participant

    I’m glad! Contrary to popular belief, tinder is a good start i would say. I know everyone says “it’s just for hookups” but there are actually guys on there that want to just talk, be friends, take it slow, have a relationship, etc. Bumble is another decent popular one! It’s very important to make your intentions clear, but a lot of guys will ask you just about from the start what you’re looking for on there. You will come across those just looking to have sex or get you to send nudes and what not, and if you’re not down for it then just shake em off and try talking to someone else! Just don’t sweat anything out Grace, you’re young and will have plenty of time to experience and try things especially since you’re starting college. I’m sure with COVID-19 that will change a lot for now but in time i’m sure you will meet a ton of people and new friends that will shed a light for you also. I’m 22 and have been on tinder on and off since i was 16, and just recently deleted it again due to a new relationship lol. If you have any questions in regards to dating/ talking to guys I am here, and have tested the waters enough by now to be able to share some experiences and knowledge 🙂

    #363059
    GL
    Participant

    Hey Grace,

    It’s great that you’re trying to be safe while dating. If you ever feel the tiniest bad vibes from anyone, then you have every right to decline meeting them. No one has any rights to your time or attention nor any rights to ignore any of your boundaries.

    That said, why not try recruiting your friends into helping you find a potential boyfriend? I find that friends are a great resource when looking to meet new people because they have already vetted the person for you, or should do that first. They also have friends who might be on the look out for their friends and you’ll only know when you let them know that you’re looking.

    And remember, you can always stop any action, e g hugging, should you become uncomfortable in the middle of it. You don’t have to have a reason because not feeling it is the only reason you need; you can always say no and expect that person to respect your wishes. ‘Saying no’ is you respecting your limits and boundaries. And if they don’t stop, then you will have to decide whether they’re someone you really want to hang out with.

    Good luck and have fun.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)

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