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I'm always asking for advice

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Marlena 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #294459

    BJ BJ
    Participant

    I’m always asking for help and advice even for the smallest of things, I feel. This comes from a lack of belief in my strategic thinking – I’ve been this way for many years now, because I feel I say the wrong things and don’t handle the situations I am in intelligently.

    I have very patient and wonderful friends who are generous with time and advice but I feel awkward reaching out to them all the time. I also worry that I cannot be there for them if they need my help. Also, I wonder if some of them might have pity and condescension for me, however unconscious, and that we are not in an equal relationship. I try not to take my problems to the same person all the time.

    Am I seeing this situation right? How do I feel good about myself?

     

    #294521

    anita
    Participant

    Dear BJ BJ:

    Can you give me a few examples of the smallest issues for which you asked  advice and a few examples of the most serious issues for which you asked advice?

    anita

    #294641

    BJ BJ
    Participant

    Well, reconsidering, I can’t say they are small, but I feel I should be able to handle at least some of them myself – a parent falling sick and dying, the atmosphere at home during that time, my client not paying me, how to handle negotiations at work. Most of it has been about work because I was in a job where I was unhappy for years and years. Now I’m letting people know I’m free and asking for contacts so that I can build up an independent practice. Some of my friends have been proactive about helping me, but I have to remind them now and then and I feel embarrassed, so I keep quiet for about two months and then remind them.

    #294801

    anita
    Participant

    Dear BJ BJ:

    You “keep quiet for about two months and then remind them”- about the advice you asked them two months before?

    You wrote that you had “a parent falling sick and dying” issue, would you like to elaborate on it and on what advice you looked for in this context, what advice you received and did that advice help you?

    anita

    #296943

    Marlena
    Participant

    It sound like you are struggling with “shoulds.”  You feel like you “should” be able to figure everything out on your own.  In your original post you stated you need advice on even the smallest things but then when you gave examples later, all of those things were pretty big.

    In fact, they were things that most people would ask for advice on or talk out with someone.

    Sounds to me like it would be helpful for you to ask for advice more often and then pay attention to how your friends actually react rather than how you worry they will react.  You’re telling yourself a mean story about yourself.  It is very possible that your friends feel good about you asking for their advice.  People like to be useful 🙂

     

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