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I'm convinced this is my weakness

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 2 months ago.

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  • #327785

    Mackenzie
    Participant

    So… kinda a lame argument to whine about but;

    I cannot have a normal conversation with my parents about any real concern or important thing I want to talk about- without them becoming defensive. I know its not the way I approach the conversation, because I’ve talked with counselors and therapists who have helped me with this. So the situation– kinda silly but:

    My dog (of 16 years) is getting old quickly- this past year we have had to lay ramps over the stairs and take her outside more to avoid accidents in the house. She still acts like a pup, but struggles with her back two legs when it comes to alot of walking or stairs. Also- her hearing sucks, but she still comes to us and replies when we call her. So this past summer, I had to convince my parents to even notice and help me with a sort of ramp to help her climb the stairs. Also I debated getting a new leash- strap thing to help with her back legs, as I realized it was a bigger difficulty than I thought. Anyways I’ve been away at school during the fall and winter, but I’m home during breaks. Throughout the last few weeks I’ve been trying to pay special attention to how much she eats (because shes got skinny/loss some weight). I know these are all normal old-dog things, but  I care too much to watch her struggle or suffer while shes here. I mean, I’ve had her since I was four years old- so its hard for me to ignore her aging. Anyway tonight, I was talking to my parents about having her sleep in the kitchen instead of the computer room, because I didn’t think it was that big of deal. (Let me tell you- the computer room is freezing compared to every other room in the house and she doesn’t have much meat on her bones so) I know this is stupid- just a matter of moving rooms, but my parents push their authority and say that she stays where she is. They don’t like change… they like having order- their house = their rules. Also we don’t keep the house very warm anyways- my parents think a few degrees will save us a ton of money, so they refuse to put it above 66.

    I explained my concern, they get upset and act defensive. All I’ve been trying to do is advocate for my dog- this sounds silly but she cant speak for herself and I don’t like to see her struggle. I don’t know, I just care a lot- about too many things – its my weakness. I can’t help myself, its how I am… so what if I just want to make sure that my family notices her more often. So what if I think of things to help comfort my dog. Food, medicine, assisting her in any way- its the loyal thing to do- just like dogs act towards humans. I just know my parents think I am attacking them like I’m saying they don’t do enough, when I’m not. I try to talk to them about things, but it seems as though I just have to do what I can when I’m here. It hurts that I can’t talk to them without it starting an argument, like its an inconvenience to them…

    The weakness I have- caring too much I use to think it was a special quality, someone wrote:

    “This is not a weakness but a strength of yours. You have a heart that doesn’t want to hurt people. You come off as paranoid but I know you just want to make the right choices.” — Which I know this doesn’t exactly apply to my dog situation, but applies to many other things in my life. This makes me unsure, because I get hurt when I care, and love too much.

    Any ideas as to what I should do? – also not sure how long my dog has, she could be on her last year or two.

    #327921

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Mackenzie:

    Your parents are legally correct, regarding most rules, “their house = their rules”. Keeping the dog in the computer room and not in the kitchen is not illegal, and so is keeping the indoor temperature at 66 degrees. All you can do, for as long as you can’t offer your dog a better home, your own, let’s say, is advocate for her, which is what you’ve been doing with partial success.

    I am sure your dog has a blanket available where she sleeps, in the computer room, a cozy arrangement where she can burrow into a cylindrical, padded little home that will keep her warm in the computer room?

    A friend of yours told you that you caring for others is not a weakness but a strength. Did he or she explain what he meant, that is, how is you caring for others making you strong? And what did he mean by “You come off as paranoid“?

    anita

     

    #327907

    Well as someone that always try to be kind and care about people lot, I undesrstand your situation a bit. Caring or being kind is not a weakness, but reality is that your kindness won’t always be responded with kindness, and you will get hurt a lot by people because of it, but that doesn’t make it a weakness, you just have to understand that people will act according to their own beliefs and experiences, and that you can only control your own actions, but please if I must say, don’t stop being kind and caring, to do that is a strenght, at least for me.

    I think talking with your parents about your worries and emotions is the right thing to do, but even if it doesn’t go the way you want, always remember you can only control your own actions, and your actions is the only thing you should fell responsible for, sometimes you will still fell bad for other people actions, but you should try to always keep that on your mind.

    I hope I could be of help, have a nice day.

    #327963

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mackenzie,

    Your dog is literally on his last legs.

    Since your parents get defensive, just quietly do what needs to be doing. When they are asleep put the dog in the kitchen. Crank that thermostat up to a blistering 68 degrees. Your mom will yell about the kitchen. Your dad will yell about the money flying out the window.

    The next night get a dog bed for the computer room but re-crank that thermostat back up. Maybe just to a tropical 67.

    Just do things for the dog without saying a word and leave your parents out of it.

    Then guess what you’ll be back in school. Around Junior year expect to get a tearful phone call about your dog and how wonderful you were to him.

    Keep in mind that next year’s wonderful is today’s annoying.

    Best,

    Inky

     

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