Dear Heather:
I understand how hard it is to think your friend might have judged you—it makes sense that this added to your guilt. When we care about someone, their opinion matters, and uncertainty about how they see us can be unsettling.
Maybe the guilt comes more from worrying about her view than from how you feel about the situation. If you look at it from your own perspective, without her reaction, do you still feel the same way?
You’re clearly thoughtful and care about doing the right thing. I hope you find peace with this.
anita