Hi all,

I am miserably anxious and I don’t know what to do.

I am someone who does a lot of work and self development, i’ve also had therapist. can’t afford one now, will get one next month. But i’ve had one up until 2 months ago.

I’ve had anxiety all my life and I have been able to manage it, but recently i lost a family member and was abused, and dealing with some other stressors and it was too much at one time. I’ve been so anxious , my stress manifest physically and as paranoid compulsions about my health. Losing my family member suddenly and unexpectedly scares me into thinking I will die from some terrible illness.

The anxiety has triggered pains and flare ups in my body. I was prescribed ativan for short term use and some of the pain went away. then they gave me a long term ssri lexapro and I was afraid to take it. I took it for the first time today and I was realllllly anxious, so anxious i thought i was going to have a heart attack.

i dont have family , and im going through it alone and i really need a hug or to be held. and i feel so much emotional pain from being alone i dont know what to do. plus its hard to let anyone in or close.

Im so tired of my compulsions about my health, worrying, random pains, and anxiousness which is through the roof at times. and I am having SI because of how miserable I am.

I don’t know how to handle it all and feel like things are closing in.

If anyone can help by letting me know their journey with meds.

And also, their journey with losing someone. like did you fear you were going to die too? im usually not afraid of death but it triggered fear.

And most importantly tips to manage anxiousness thats moreso going to calm my body. most tips online say “counteract the thoughts” but my anxiousness isnt really conscious thoughts, its just a feeling in my body.

thanks!