Der Nicolaas:

No quick and easy fix. It will take some insight into what your anger is about, evaluating your current relationships with the people in your life and seeing what relationships need to end or change. It will take  learning to communicate more effectively, asking for what you need, learning to be assertive, learning to evaluate people and choose the people in your life so to create win-win, mutually respectful relationships.

Do you want to start here with any of the things I mentioned?

anita

From the Mayo Clinic website
1. Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you’re calm, express your anger
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise
Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren’t just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with ‘I’ statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes” instead of “You never do any housework.”

7. Don’t hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Mark.

Dear Nicolaas:

When the packaging dept. gives you an assignment at the last moment, that is annoying, and when it happens again and again, I suppose the annoyance grows, because this dysfunction is not a rare occurrence, it is frequent. When unsafe drivers risk your life and your property, understandably, the anger grows.

Dysfunction in the workplace is most common, and so is poor driving.

The serenity can come handy: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference”-

– -things you can change:

– if you haven’t done so already, talk to the packaging dept. or to a person superior to the packaging dept., and tell them this last-moment operation is not necessary and it .. hurts employee morale, that is, it pisses you off. Be assertive that way.

– take a different route to and from work, if there is an alternative route, be it a longer one that drivers who rush… are not inclined to take. Drivers who don’t rush are less inclined to drive unsafely.

– make it to work earlier, just to avoid last minutes drivers, those who rush, that is.

–things you cannot change:

– there will always be some unsafe drivers sharing the road, so make sure you drive defensively, be very alert and attentive. You can’t change how others drive, make sure you drive in a way that minimizes your risk of accidents and injuries.

– dysfunction at work and elsewhere is not the exception, but the rule. When you encounter such, and you feel angry, that anger is supposed to motivate you to do something to solve a problem. Ask yourself: is there any action I need to take to solve this problem. If there is, and it is a reasonable action, take it. If there isn’t, say to yourself: there is nothing for me to do. This thought (and conviction) will cause the anger to lessen and even be gone.

anita

You are welcome, Nicolaas.

anita