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I'm not sure what I'm feeling

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  • #118985
    Helen
    Participant

    I’ve looked on this website a few times and from what I’ve seen it is quite a lovely and supportive environment. So, I thought I’d see whether someone on here might have some advice that calms me down a bit and created an account.
    You see, for a while now I’ve been feeling incredibly unmotivated and lacking direction. Everything seems like too much trouble or there is money issues keeping me from actually acting on what I like.
    The things I like to do don’t really make me happy anymore. I love games but, now it feels like I’m wasting my time on them. I’m even on a games development course but now I just don’t want to. I don’t know whether I want to commit myself to it because it would consume so much of my time.
    I want to do other things like write stories and play the cello but, recently writing has just seemed like too much work. On the sites I used to post to, it always seemed like someone else was so much better than I and I think I lost whatever I found in it through simply being ignored.
    With the cello, for the past three years I been trying to get back to playing but, there’s such a large money barrier that it just feels like too much trouble now.
    Now I just feel… sad, I suppose. I’ve tried talking to my mother but, all the advice she’s given to “do whatever I want” or “as long as you’re making money, it’s fine” or “I can’t tell you what you should do.” I don’t know whether these are just cold truths I must accept or if I’m just being unreasonable.
    For the last week now I’ve simply been doing nothing and I don’t want to fall any deeper into whatever this is. Whether it’s all just me being over-dramatic or if there really is something wrong, I don’t want this to continue and affect my life a home, my friends or my education. Especially my education, in fact, as this is my last year and I cannot afford to go back.

    #118992
    anita
    Participant

    Dear flamingfox:

    I think you may be overwhelmed, as if you have to decide on what to do for the rest of your life, which direction to pursue for the next five decades or so. If I am correct (?) I would suggest to limit your vision of your future to the next day, week and month, not further.

    I don’t know how old you are, if you are living with your parents, if you are employed at all..? Maybe the limited vision can be getting a job, any job, not a forever-job, even waitressing where you interact with customers (I enjoyed it in my twenties).. maybe move out of your parents’?

    If the heaviness of what-am-I-going-to-do-for-the-rest-of-my-life is weighting heavy on you, lighten the load. No rushing, no need to rush- take it easy, one day at a time with a view of only a few months ahead.

    anita

    #119031
    Al
    Participant

    flamingfox,

    I am sorry for your suffering. Please find peace in knowing that you are not alone. Your predicament is one that is shared by many. Hence, in this sense, you could say we’re all in this together.

    A lack of direction is absolutely normal. As you well know, we are not born knowing exactly what we are supposed to do and where we should be going. This could be due to the many societies instilling our minds with the notion that we should have a path selected once we reach a certain age. Please remove this chaotic perception from your mind. This unnecessary burden and incorrect view will only continue to nurture needless stress. Instead, adopt the view that our paths are revealed to us exactly when they are supposed to. This, however, does not mean that we should simply sit idly by awaiting its arrival. Although its discovery can be stumbled upon by just waiting, know that the process can also be precipitated by our own actions. Think of yourself as an artist that has yet to discover all of the available palettes this world has to offer. Viewed in this manner, you can now see that you’ve experienced very little. If/When such is the case, what is to be done in order to expose ourselves?

    My friend, as I’ve often shared with members of this forum, we must experiment, experience, explore and discover in order to learn, grow and find our paths. If we remain stagnant, how will we know if we will like mustard greens unless we try them? How will we know if we want to pursue a career involving helping people unless we are exposed to a related activity? How will we know if a sweater will seem fitting unless we try it? How will we know if someone fits our profile unless we date them? How will we know if we’ll fall in love with a hobby unless we attempt it? I’m sure you understand where I’m going with this. Applying this philosophy to our search for happiness and harmony, life and career, is sure to increase our chances of finding something fulfilling. And please, do take care in not obtaining the belief that all this experimenting is a waste of time and effort. All events have (a) lesson(s) to teach. We never come away empty. While true that some find their paths at an early age there also exists those that do not find theirs until later/much later. But please do not despair at this. One can still live a life of fulfillment through other means. A career does not have to dictate our happiness. In this world, sometimes our skill sets may be lacking and the only employment we’r able to find may not be one to our preference. This should not hinder us from seeking alternative means of fulfillment; outside of work, if need be. Balance is vital for our being. However, balance is something only you will be able to make the determinations for in its achievement.

    Continue your search and remember to be gentle with yourself. You are not meant to know everything and you never will; just like the rest of us. And just as it should be. The world may not always be kind to you so why add to it? When things look negative, remember to also view the positives. While you may currently be unsure of your choice of career, acknowledge that there exists still numerous options. Viewed this way, you are not bound by choice limitations. Instead, you have a universe of selection. And lastly, all passions require great effort. Renowned chefs, artist, musicians and athletes did not get to where they are today by applying minimum effort. Even Buddhists must practice and meditate vigorously in order to reach certain understandings. We must all do the same if we wish to obtain our own versions of nirvana. If you recall to enjoy the process, the journey, then even the act of exerting effort can be seemed a pleasure.

    I hope this helps and please excuse any grammatical errors.

    Al

    #119048
    Peter
    Participant

    I have often found myself stuck in my stuckness… similar to being depressed about being depressed, stuck in a loop that kept feeing itself.

    Truth be told there is a part of me that is comfortable with the familiarity of my stuckness as it can feel like a safe place to be. When I don’t move there is little risk anything will change, and if something is going to change I want to control it and so be certain… but change is uncertain and feels unsafe… another self-feeding loop of stuckness and fear

    “Not being stuck means the learning to be comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing. So whatever first steps you take into uncertainty have to be bearable. You can’t get overwhelmed and yet you do have to embrace movement. Movement is the opposite of being stuck. So find some small steps that are manageable that will add movement.”

    If you want out of the cycle you have to move, face the fear and do it anyway. As AL said – experiment, experience, explore and discover and learn…

    #119055
    sherry sage
    Participant

    flaming fox, I read your post and swear there is a double of me inside you.

    Do you get worried that you will be stuck in something you hate doing just to make your family and friends satisfied that you are fitting into some life calendar slot?

    (oh heck that sounds like a bad tv informercial doesn’t it?)

    My own fear of that keeps me from wanting to even try job hunting. I don’t fear the work I fear being stuck…or settling. Giving in to the guilt because my family wants me to ignore my feelings and just get a life that they wont be ashamed of telling people about.

    I took a job in a shoe store once. It was not an important role, in fact I was stuck in the back of the store away from customers for most of my time there. I often got told to stay home because there were too many staff scheduled. I got fed up with being told where to go and that I could only work in the less frequented men’s section. I am a woman…
    That was not the worst part, they hired a totally unsuitable person as supervisor a girl who could not go a day with out sneering or making one of the staff cry. So I just walked out one day. That sure felt good.

    Im very proud of that day I said ” Enough, I am not settling anymore.” It hasn’t got me closer to finding a really great job but it tells me I have the guts to do what needs to be done.

    SO I guess moving through the stuckness is just about biting the bullet. DO the deed even if it scares you, do it BECAUSE it scares you. Taking risks actually gets kind of fun after a while.

    As for the cello, just play because you love it. if you don’t love it…find something else. I love to write but only because I love it. Also discovered a meditative therapy in painting. What ever takes you away to a “resting zone” is a great thing.

    I really hope we all find our way out of the super glue.

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