After about 8 years I reconnected with my high school sweet, we were only together for a few months and I found out I was pregnant he was happy and very supportive so we moved in together and started a new life as a new family.

I have post traumatic stress disorder and struggle majorly with anxiety and depression.

He was well aware of all of this and seemed supportive until I had a horrible feeling and decided to look at his phone while I was 6 months pregnant. I don’t have a great record of faithful relationships, I’m usually cheated on hurt in other nasty ways. So when I looked through his phone I saw messages to a girl I know he had slept with and I knew he was still friends with which didn’t bother me, but these messages contained horrible things being said about me and her encouraging these horrible things and adding her two cents when I haven’t even met her or talked to her in my life. It took me a few days but I confronted him about it but all he could do was apologise and say it was a mistake. These messages were often sent while he was sitting next to me on the lounge at night and he also went to see her at her house and never told me which made me believe there was something more sinister to the visit which he says there wasn’t. Being 6 months pregnant I really didn’t know what else to do but to try and move on from it but now it’s 12 months later and I still believe the things he said in those messages. I’m scared to bring it up to him because the last time I did he said you can’t hold that one mistake against me forever. Which isn’t what I’m trying to do. I just don’t believe he loves me and I constantly ask myself if I hadn’t fallen pregnant would we still be together. I know after when I saw those messages I wanted to pack my stuff and leave I was so hurt but I stayed to try and make things better for the sake of our child.

I’m so lost with what to do, I find myself very upset lately I don’t seem to have anyone close to me who hasn’t had an awful thought about me and i don’t want to be that horrible person, I know I have my struggles with depression but I’m not a nasty person well at least I never thought I was until lately I’ve just given in and feel as though I’m the common denominator in all of these situations so it must be me.

I don’t know what I’m looking for it feels good to actually say this somewhere else then just over and over in my mind, any advice at all would be so greatly appreciated.