April 20, 2019 at 10:06 am #289943KatieParticipant
Women are judged by their looks on a daily basis. It’s disgusting. Hot women are used for sex. Fat women are shamed for being ugly. I’m tired of it. I have had a lot of issues with body image, and I feel like the cause of it is the simple fact that women are judged by their looks. “Is she pretty?” people ask when someone tells a story about a girl. The girls who have the highest following on social media are the beautiful ones. Nobody follows the really smart girl on Instagram for her intellectual captions. Women use plastic surgery, makeup, clothes, diets, exercise plans, etc to look beautiful. There is a reason why anorexia is so prevalent among young girls than young boys (even though boys do suffer from this). Women spend so much money on beauty because that’s what people JUDGE them on. I think many women’s biggest fear is being told “oh, sorry you’re not good enough. You’re not BEAUTIFUL enough.”
I was meeting with a therapist that I go see every once in a while. I used to see him weekly for help with getting out of my abusive relationship. I met with him, this time, to go over my body image issues and the trauma I had gone through because I would be judged by my peers for the guys I would date. I explained to him that I am not as beautiful as I want to be. I want to look like the Instagram models. I want to look like Emily Ratajkowski or Adriana Lima. My legs are not as long as theirs, my abs are not as defined as theirs, my butt is not as big as theirs, my face is not as scientifically proportionate as theirs. This has caused me a lot of emotional distress. I hate myself for it.
He was trying to dig deeper into my way of thinking. He asked me, “where do you think Meghan Markle lies on the scale of beauty?” I couldn’t really answer this question because I didn’t know. I said, “I don’t know, maybe slightly above average?” He then asked, “where do you think you lie compared to Meghan Markle?” I didn’t know either. He then said, “well I think Meghan Markle is ugly. I believe Kate makes a much better princess” and I felt a panic. First, I believe Meghan Markle is somewhat good looking, but this man doesn’t agree. He thinks she is ugly… well that kinda raises the bar for ugly people? Second, he straight up said Kate makes a better princess because she is not as ugly. He never mentioned anything about Meghan or Kate’s personalities. Just looks.
I think this is just an example of the story of my life. I have severe issues regarding body image. I seek help. Help doesn’t help because everyone is a victim of commodifying women. It seems as though women will always be judged on their looks. Is there a world that exists outside of this way of thinking? Is there a world where women are not judged by their looks? Please help me find it because my biggest wish is to end my suffering.April 20, 2019 at 11:33 am #289973MarkParticipant
Ultimately you want to be accepted. Hell, you want to be valued. Don’t we all?
Your view of being valued is to be an Instagram model solely based on your looks.
You can rail against how society judges women but at the end of the day, that’s reality. There is a Byron Katie quote, If you argue against reality, you will lose.
You may want to reexam how you want to be valued for otherwise you will be stuck in your unhappiness and anger.
MarkApril 23, 2019 at 8:34 am #290223LaliParticipant
I am an average looking girl. We had few pretty girls in my gang who got more importance from boys. I had been go through my adult phases being judged by beauty. I was surrounded by such immature friends once in my lifetime. I lost my confidence because of that and I had spent much money to look better.
One of my male friend made by eye open and said that <u>’People always look for better looking girl even though have enough good looking girls surrounded by. This is nature of the people</u>’. So point is none of the good looking girl can satisfy thirst for beautiful looks. Season changes. Attractiveness traits also will change according to time. Many attractive actors came and disappear from 19th to 20th century. But No can be replaced by Mother Teresa, Indira Gandhi, Marie Curie, J.K Rowling etc. Their Action speaks more than their looks. They are eternal personalities. Our mother looks prettier than other women in world. This is because of unconditional / Selfless love in them. Hence I understood at some point that beauty is not in skin deep. It just an illusion. According to me, true Good looks for people are unconditional love, compassion, spreading Happiness and peace, being smart, and confidence .
So I started to improve my personality skills instead of spending for beauty stuffs. But I take shower everyday… LOL… 🙂 I prefer to look clean instead of wearing much makeup. I practice yoga, meditation and attend personality development classes in my locality. Season changes. Slowly I started surrounded by right people who loves me what I am. So just chill and good Luck!!May 14, 2019 at 10:38 pm #293817Holly-KristineParticipant
Hi, you should check out the website called Beauty Redefined. It is run by two ladies in their thirties who are twins. They have phd’s in b ody image psychology. Their motto is Mybody is an instrument not an ornament! They focus on how we are more than looks! We are people! Our bodies should’ve be judged on looking good but we should realize our bodies Are Good, the body keeps us alive, alerts us to pa in, allows us to walk and breathe and sing and dance! You are mkre than just a body.
Also, that therapist sounds very odd. Is he licensed? When someone is talking about being judged and being stressed out about looks, he goes and comments on the merits of how pretty or ugky a princess is?! Unless he was playing devil’s advocate and trying to show you that people all have their own ideas of who is beautiful and who is not.
Please, know that you are worthwhile! If your doctor thinks you are healthy, that is great! It is okay to wear pretty clothes but only do it because you like the dress or outfit. It is okay ti exercise for health and fun but dont obsess about it to look a certain way. And frankly, when you think of a favorite friend or relative isnt it that they are nice or kind or interesting? Its not because they are super models right? Being kind makes us beautiful .Bht you are more than beautiful, you are you!
Pleaee, if you have any eating disorder or exercise obsession get professional help. Please check out the site I mentioned. It is run by Lindsey and Lexi Kite. Hope to hear you are doing better! Blessings and Peace, Holly-Kristine