Danielle,

I’m sorry for your rut, and can understand how difficult it can be to remain rooted in a happy place when the world honks its horns and lists its demands. Buddha taught that its the fixation on the experiences themselves that bring the painful quality, such as pushing away the “painful” and trying to find the “pleasant”, “Danielle going to war to have this and not that.” As we learn to laugh at the ups and downs, the moon following the sun following the moon following the sun, we naturally move toward skillfulness, toward peace. Said differently, as we learn not to go to war, not to grasp and repel, we grow an authentic, resilient inner smile.

The story that comes to mind is of a beautiful little bird, delicate wings, colorful feathers, flying and doing its little birdie things. Maybe nibbling some grain, making a nest, and so forth. Beautiful, a wonderful little piece of nature. From a patient, appreciative space, its seen as a thread in a magnificent tapestry of life, the universe.

Now, say that pretty little bird lands on the hood of our car. Oh, what a blessing! How beautiful it is to visit us! Then, it poops on our car. “What the heck? You ugly little monster! Fly away, shoo vermin! Why do birds keep doing that? Is there a sign somewhere that says ‘dump on Danielle?!?'” Inside, the space collapsed… smile to a frown.

As we sit, rest with our experience of “me-bird-car-poop”, it comes as a natural idea “how do I stop birds from pooping on my car?” We can try, spend hours and hours researching, building a garage, protecting the car. Or, we can let it go. Accept that birds are beautiful, and they sometimes poop on the car, its nothing personal, part of their little birdie journey. “Clean hood” not as important as “clean Danielle”. Having a clean mind let’s us have a clean hood or a pooped on hood with the same smile. The bird, free and loved, doing its little birdie things, forgiven. Then, we can smile while we clean off the car, and don’t lose the smile from seeing the beautiful little birdie. Doesn’t collapse into “bird” and “my car” in conflict, no “vermin” feeling arising.

Said differently, more directly, the discomfort arises from the fixation on the negative, the way the mind clings to “what is here I dislike”, rather than smiling, accepting, cleaning it up, finding inner peace again. These roadblocks the universe keeps sending you, empty, fertile, perhaps helping you detach the outside from the inside. Learning to smile genuinely during rain makes smiling during sunshine all that much sweeter. Much like you’ve said, building strength… but rather than strength to overcome external roadblocks, such as protecting the car, consider that perhaps you’re growing the strength to be content, happy, come rain or shine. Then, the endless needs, worries, responsibilities, twists and turns… don’t pull us in, grab us, force us to abandon our smile. Why let them?

Namaste, sister, may raindrops and sunlight find Danielle smiling, blossoming.

With warmth,
Matt

Danielle,

Yes, that’s great, and you’re welcome! Sometimes we carry our past like a weight, such as sitting down on a road and wishing we had better days, crushed under a heavy gloom. If we can set down the past, even for a little while, goodness, today becomes that better day. We can look around, see the field for realsies, and wow! What a view! Why were we so caught up? That’s silly. Butterflies, flowers, wind across the grass, nature seeing itself through our eyes, loving itself through our heart. What a life!

Now, how do we clean that poop off the car? 🙂 Usually self nurturing is a great place to start. As we give our mind and body tender care, we help grow the happiness we’ve been looking for. 🙂 Maybe more bath time? Meditation? Walks in nature? Soft music? Yoga? These kinds of actions give us a clear, fresh perspective to approach our life as a curious puzzle.

With warmth,
Matt

Danielle, I have learned through books I’ve read and great conversations with people that it’s all about focus and mindfulness. Our thoughts lead to our words and words lead to creation. Just the other day, I saw somebody at work and I said, “Hi, How are you?” They replied, “Not Bad” What is the focus here, “Bad” What we put out (focus on) , we get back. What we resist persists. I don’t want to argue! here, the focus is on “argue” I’ve learned myself that by watching my words and what I focus on, it has impact on what I create in my life. It’s tricky. Sometimes even when we think were being positive or honest, we are being negative and remember, we want to break the cycle. Another example I saw a post on facebook. The message was meant to be positive and make people aware, by hopefully creating change. However, I focused on the words in the post and they were words such as, Dying world, Starvation, weak, Struggle. The same message could have been put out there by using words to focus on such as, Alive, More food, Strong, Getting along. You have to be present in order to be mindful of the words you choose to focus on. Your going to do Great! :>D remember your changing all the time every second, try replacing the word change with grow.

@danielledeleo,

The mind doesn’t dwell on the bad until the bad appears. That’s what our feelings are for. They alert us when things go wrong. You sound like a really smart person, and it doesn’t sound like you’re being led astray by your feelings. Honestly, if he can’t accept your love now, what is the possibility that he will change? It sounds like you’ve done everything in your power already. To go on pretending like you’re okay inside, instead of accepting reality for what it really is will be bad for the both of you in the long run. You’ll only be prolonging the pain.

So my advice is: Stop looking for gratitude where there is none to be found. And realize you already have the wisdom and answers you seek. If you look back at your posts, who’s back are you protecting and defending? It isn’t yours.. The thing that you have to do more of? Protecting and defending yourself. It’s self compassion.

“This too shall pass”, only if you allow it to. The storm won’t pass if you keep following it.

Also, the feeling that “everything will turn out okay”, is a way to comfort yourself into a dangerous situation.. it’s a naive excuse that I’ve used many times in my life as well. It’s an excuse that basically tells yourself: it’s okay not to do anything. The only time it is okay to say, everything will turn out okay, is after you’ve done all you could, in your power, to change a situation. Look at your options again. Don’t keep making the same mistakes. Do what you’re most afraid to do.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Brytt.

Thanks Brytt

Hi Danielle @danielledeleo

No worries.

Hey, only you know what the real truth is about your situation so do what is best for you. One thing that I can observe from your current and past posts (previous threads) is that your words and feelings / thoughts are in conflict. Now, you need to figure out why your mind is playing such tricks with you and how you are going to help yourself.

If I were you, I would read Brytt’s post very carefully again in a couple of weeks. There is a powerful message in there for you 🙂

Best wishes and take care. You are worth it all 🙂

Jasmine

Hello, I’d like to share that I also feel a strong gratitude for this thread. So important to trust the divine intelligence within us all. Gratitude and feeling good are two essential ingredients to happiness. This thread produces both! I’d like to share that yesterday I was speaking with a friend. We were in a discussion about the word “worry” I thought how things would be if we able to replace the word “worry” with “Mindful”. For example “I have been very mindful about the lake water lately”. Just saying it that way projects a creative sense and optimism. It projects the positive. It embraces ideas and movement and creates being becoming more-growth. Worry is rooted to Fear and is the cause of immobilization and weakness. a neg vibe. This thread is certainly a positive vibe which promotes encouragement, Strength and just more and more! Grateful. enjoy a Happy Day everybody. :>)