Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→In a weird space right now
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Anonymous.
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March 31, 2018 at 8:52 am #200291
crystal
ParticipantDear Anita,
I always appreciated my own individuality too. So I just wanted, and still want to be more balanced like her. Also she is amazingly self confident, a trait which is waning in my own self. So in some aspects, I do want to be like her.
March 31, 2018 at 9:25 am #200297Anonymous
GuestDear crystal:
Your parents expressions about your sister and their expressions about you were different and made a powerful impact on you. She was the balanced one and you were the (too) sensitive one. She was the stronger, you were the weaker.
So you tried to be like her. This motivation, to be like her, worked for you in some ways, but it worked against you in other ways. Anytime you would like to explore this, if new thoughts or feelings occur to you on the issue, do post again. I will be glad to communicate with you further. If you would like, that is.
anita
March 31, 2018 at 9:50 am #200305crystal
ParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you so much for the time and effort you took to reply. I am grateful for your help 🙂
I don’t think that’s the problem anymore. Might have been at one point of time probably but now I don’t compare myself to her. I deeply admire her for her qualities, however, now I’m able to appreciate her strengths without questioning my own. The way I feel now is because I shut people out and then feel like I’m alone in my journey at the moment. I am aware that it’s very self contradictory and yet I don’t understand how to change it, or even if I want to change it. I don’t feel this way a lot but I do feel like this during few selected moments. All this overthinking and constant analysis of what’s going on in my life makes me a little low at times. Like a small nagging voice that eats at my happiness. I think lack of self-love is my problem because I love myself only if I’ve done something that counts as an achievement and not otherwise. Even that love is very brief and not continuous. I immediately feel the need to focus on another potential achievement. What do you think?March 31, 2018 at 10:05 am #200309Anonymous
GuestDear crystal:
I think you are minimizing your own experience. You wrote: “I don’t feel this way a lot but I do feel like this during selected moments… ” But then you wrote: “All this overthinking and constant analysis .. “- those selected moments are many, and long lasting moments, reads to me.
This “small nagging voice that eats at (your) happiness” is loud enough, reads to me.
Do you believe that you are too sensitive and weak, in comparison to your sister, or otherwise… too sensitive, weak?
anita
March 31, 2018 at 10:28 am #200313crystal
ParticipantDear Anita,
In comparison to my sister I’m the emotionally stronger one now. I wasn’t 5 years ago but now, without a doubt, I am. And I don’t think I’m weak. But I avoid checking that by just tuning out my feelings. I have endured quite a few emotionally traumatic experiences and those have made me strong. The intensity with which I feel towards the actions of people who aren’t in my close circle is very less. But being the way I am, is lonely at times. It is what I chose – a no-nonsense life, and I stand by my choice. However, seeing other people, who aren’t as focused on academia as I am, having fun and getting a lot of attention from their significant others makes me a little green. But given the chance to be one of those people, I would not choose that. Its confusing.
March 31, 2018 at 11:05 am #200325Anonymous
GuestDear crystal:
You were probably not weaker than your sister earlier in life, not just now. It was probably not true then. Parents say things and children believe what they are told, not questioning it. And when we are told as children what is not true, we suffer. Believing what is not true to be true- causes suffering.
Being emotionally strong is not being numb, tuning out one’s feeling on a regular basis. Strength is in the ability to endure emotional pain and distress without automatically reacting to it any which way. Having just defined strength as I believe it is, it reads to me that you are indeed strong.
Maybe the confusion you mentioned is the misconception of strength. And maybe you no longer have to tune out your feelings because you are strong enough to endure them, the distressing feelings, that is.
anita
March 31, 2018 at 6:26 pm #200355crystal
ParticipantDear Anita,
It couldn’t be defined better than what you said. I will try focusing on my feelings and controlling them rather than tuning them off.
Talking with you has indeed been an enriching experience for me. I feel more centered now. Thank you for your valuable insight. It means a lot that you took the time to think about my problems and respond accordingly.
Love,
Crystal.
April 1, 2018 at 5:41 am #200377Anonymous
GuestDear Crystal:
You are welcome. I like your clear, organized thinking, scientific thinking is a word that comes to my mind as I read your posts. Post again anytime you would like. I will be glad to respond to you if you post again, when you do.
anita
April 1, 2018 at 8:31 am #200411crystal
ParticipantDear Anita,
I deeply thank you for that compliment. And likewise, I will be very pleased to converse with you when the opportunity next arises. Take care 🙂
April 1, 2018 at 12:00 pm #200415Anonymous
GuestThank you, Crystal, and take care as well.
anita
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