Dear Anita,

I always appreciated my own individuality too. So I just wanted,  and still want to be more balanced like her. Also she is amazingly self confident, a trait which is waning in my own self. So in some aspects, I do want to be like her.

Dear Anita,
Thank you so much for the time and effort you took to reply. I am grateful for your help 🙂
I don’t think that’s the problem anymore. Might have been at one point of time probably but now I don’t compare myself to her. I deeply admire her for her qualities, however, now I’m able to appreciate her strengths without questioning my own. The way I feel now is because I shut people out  and then feel like I’m alone in my journey at the moment. I am aware that it’s very self contradictory and yet I don’t understand how to change it, or even if I want to change it. I don’t feel this way a lot but I do feel like this during few selected moments. All this overthinking and constant analysis of what’s going on in my life makes me a little low at times. Like a small nagging voice that eats at my happiness. I think lack of self-love is my problem because I love myself only if I’ve done something that counts as an achievement and not otherwise. Even that love is very brief and not continuous. I immediately feel the need to focus on another potential achievement. What do you think?

Dear Anita,

In comparison to my sister I’m the emotionally stronger one now. I wasn’t 5 years ago but now, without a doubt, I am. And I don’t think I’m weak. But I avoid checking that by just tuning out my feelings.  I have endured quite a few  emotionally traumatic experiences and those have made me strong. The intensity with which I feel towards the actions of people who aren’t in my close circle is very less. But being the way I am, is lonely at times. It is what I chose – a no-nonsense life, and I stand by my choice. However, seeing other people, who aren’t as focused on academia as I am, having fun and getting a lot of attention from their significant others makes me a little green. But given the chance to be one of those people, I would not choose that. Its confusing.

Dear Anita,

It couldn’t be defined better than what you said. I will try focusing on my feelings and controlling them rather than tuning them off.

Talking with you has indeed been an enriching experience for me. I feel more centered now. Thank you for your valuable insight. It means a lot that you took the time to think about my problems and respond accordingly.

Love,

Crystal.

Dear Anita,

I deeply thank you for that compliment. And likewise, I will be very pleased to converse with you when the opportunity next arises. Take care 🙂