I’m a 22 year old woman with a boyfriend of 1 year and I’m diagnosed with Severe Dperession (with suicidal tendencies), PTSD, and Anxiety. I was sexually abused for 6 years of my life, bullied for many, and am now getting the help I desire. This is just a brief summary of of what’s going on with me but here’s my situation:

Im dating my best friend and I love him. We were best friends for a year before we got together and I feel like it only made our relationship stronger but now I’m not so sure… My boyfriend just had an event happen in his life where he feels like he needs time away from people. He still wants to be with me and visa versa but he won’t come around as often and he needs to face his demons as he put. This isn’t the first time this has happened. He tends to withdraw every time something happens and I give him his space but today just doesn’t feel the same. As of lately, we’ve been in a really good place but my eyes have been wandering and I have yet to tell him. I know the men that want to pursue me aren’t all that great but I’m really curious… I have so much life to live and I don’t want to wonder what if for the rest of it but at the same time, it’s just not worth my time.

Im confused. My boyfriend wants a break and I want one too but I’m willing to explore. The worst part about it was when he decided he wanted to take a break, I felt like my whole foundation crumbled beneath me. It made me realize I have a lot of growing up to do and I actually have to deal with myself. I have many hobbies but do none of them because I feel no spark. I kinda feel like the only spark I have left is writing (and even that has stopped) and loving others more than myself.

My dilemma is: Altbough I know I have a self outside of my relationship, I feel completely and utterly disconnected from it. I’m not happy with myself. I’ve become very narcissistic and moody…I just feel like I can’t win!

My boyfriend is the sweetest but he’s not perfect. He can be an ass sometimes and project his insecurities on me. I have so much tolerance for others it’s ridiculous and that’s what really scares me. How much crap have I been putting up with for the past few years? How much of it have I been dealing with on his end or even on my end. My sisters tell me all the time that I deal with TOO much foolishness from him but it’s like I’m just now seeing it and I don’t want it to be that way forever… But I still have the urge to explore and enjoy being 22 yet I’m not sure what others will have to offer me.

I feel like I have all my priorities mixed up and it’s messing with me. I don’t know the core question that I’m trying to ask unfortunately. I just want to know what to do. I don’t know how to work through this stress. How do I build a sold foundation of my own without a man?

What do I have to offer myself?

Have I been living a lie for so long that I’ve been trying to believe it? The lie being, I’m okay, I have a boyfriend now. Who am I?

I’m sorry for bombarding everyone with these stressful questions. I have to be here so I must make the best out of it… but I’d really like to hear feedback on this. I just want to be okay, that’s literally ALL I’ve ever wanted in life and I have yet to reach it. Please help. (Pardon the typos if any)

• This topic was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by kennisha.