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kennisha

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  • #150292
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I titled the thread “In shock – literally” because at the moment I did go into shock. My boyfriend withdrawing does happen often but I sat down and spoke with my sisters on the issue and they opened my eyes to some things. I enable his disrespectful ┬ábehavior because I’m so tolerant and I also didn’t question him withdrawing since I wanted a break for quite some time… It had me thinking about the boundaries I don’t have in my current relationship and for myself and that’s when I realized that I’d built an identity out of my relationship. Without him I am still someone, I’m just very disconnected to her. I was shocked at how far I’d thought I’d come in my journey just to find out I was “growing” on all the wrong pretenses. I tried to find my worth in a man, I tried to find confidence in appearances alone, I tried to basically create a foundation for my life that had nothing to do with me. I was extremely upset with myself, so much so I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never felt this unbalanced before and I’m not sure how to bounce back.

    #150286
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    What I meant by loving others more than myself is that I tend to put others before me. I don’t practice self love and self care because I find it hard to believe there’s any worth there at all. The little worth that I have found, I put mostly into my looks and attitude which is why I say I’ve become narcissistic. It wasn’t my intention to become vain but I wanted to feel good about myself and I guess I overdid it. It’s not fun, I’m constantly reminding myself that not everything is about me but sometimes I slip up.

    #121450
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    To answer your questions I’m not sure my sister remembers this fact about me. I have told her in the past but I feel like it’s slipped her mind. She determines being spoiled as someone who complains about the situation they’re in but doesn’t try to help themselves. I do agree with her on that but I personally feel I have a lot going on internally that makes it hard for me to really reach and pursue goals.

    I’m currently an English Major but I feel as though I could be working right now since I have bills to pay. I don’t know what I want to pursue career wise but my family says otherwise and I’m trying to make the best of it but it just feels hopeless. I don’t know what to do with myself.

    #65600
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hey, Joe!
    I think you should just go for it. You know she loves you and you love her so just tell her how you feel. (Easier said than done, huh?) The only thing is those negative feelings you’re having might get in the way with you perusing your lady. I say you should work on more positive thinking. If you don’t love yourself how can you truly love someone else? Do things that make you happy and that inspire you. Meditate, clear your mind, dabble in things you’ve never done before, take risks, tell yourself how important you are every day! If you do these things you’ll find yourself more confident and not be so down on yourself all the time. Try not to put your love on hold though. People tend to do this when they see they need to work on themselves. If that girl really loves you, she’ll accept you for your true self both the good and bad. She’ll work with you to improve it no matter how long it takes (trust me, it doesn’t happen over night) she’ll work with you. Who knows, she’ll even help you to experience things and learn things you’ve never known! You might even be able to teach her a thing or two… Just be positive and thankful. Thank the Universe that you’ve found love! Some people are still searching! You should even be thankful to yourself, there’s obviously something VERY special about your personality that made her fall for you. You are unique, you are LOVED! Be Strong, Joe.

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