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I rejected a girl and now I realized that I really love her…

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  • #65483
    Joe
    Participant

    Hi guys, about half a year ago, a girl confessed her feeling toward me and I rejected her, now I can’t stop thinking about her and I start to realize that I really like her. It started four years ago when I met her for the first time in my first year of college. At first, I didn’t have any feeling at all toward her, however, after meeting her for several times, I started to like her. She took the same major as mine so we saw each other a lot. The reason why I like her is because she was the first girl in my life that ever cared much about me. She texted me everyday, asking about what I was doing, etc. However, since I was an awkward boy with social problems, I wasn’t really sensitive about the fact that she was really into me. I had my suspicion about it but I always tried to deny the possibility since everytime I tried to talk to her about it, she always laughed and said no. Thus, I told myself that she was telling the truth even though her actions were very contradictious. This continued for around 3 years. But, one day, she texted me and she eventually expressed her true feeling toward me, and she also asked about my feeling toward her. I was really shocked and confused, I didn’t know what to do because I always rate myself as a hopeless and useless human being. I know it is wrong to think like that but I have been trapped with these negative thoughts in my head forever. I couldn’t help but to think that I could never make her happy or she would hate me if she knows my true self, etc. That was the moment when I rejected her, saying that my feelings toward her was just temporary and that she should forget about me. She did ask me if there is a possibility that I still like her at that moment or if I still have a slight feeling toward her, but I said I didn’t. I lied to her… After that day, she started to keep her distance. Whenever we meet face to face, she always tries to avoid from interacting with me. She still texts me sometimes but lately she barely does that. One thing that worries me is the fact that she starts to drink and smoke a lot, and a part of me feels guilty for it. It’s like I am the one who makes her changes like that. I really want to tell her that I really like her but I just can’t help myself with all of these negativity inside my head. A part of me wants her to move on but I can’t lie to myself that another part of me is still hoping that she can be with me. Up until now, I know that she is still into me but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s the best for both of us. I don’t want to hurt or confuse her more…

    • This topic was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Joe.
    #65505
    Jessica
    Participant

    It is good that you realize the things within yourself that need work! Everyone needs a bit of that:) I think you should talk to her again, because your feelings about this will not change. It is best to be honest with her and yourself, and I think if you were to just tell her exactly what you just said here, it might make a difference for the both of you. If nothing else comes from talking (ie: maybe you’ll have your good friend back, maybe it’ll be more of a serious relationship..etc..) atleast you allowed yourself to be honest and tell someone how you actually feel. Sometimes I think “would I be happy if today were my last day? Would I have told people exactly what I felt about them even though it frightens me?” I know that there are certain things I regret today that I did in the past. When faced with a chance to make it different, better, would I? I think you should just go for it! Either you gain back someone you lost, or you put that nail in the coffin and you’re set free from wondering.

    #65550
    Dan
    Participant

    Snap!

    When I was a teenager this girl was in love with me. I rejected her constantly & was even being pressured socially by her friends to hook up, which made me resist even more.

    Long story short, I fell in love with her 2 years later.

    The tables had well & truly turned.

    What happened was, nothing. She was aware that I loved her because I told her friends etc, but was never brave enough to tell her to her face, just expecting us to somehow end up together.

    I spent many years regretting the entire saga.

    You should go with your gut feeling on this. Don’t leave it any longer. Arrange to meet her NOW & tell her how you feel, that your sorry you rejected her & realise now that you made a mistake, then say if it’s not too late you would like to go out with her.

    Go for it. GO!

    Good luck 🙂

    #65600
    kennisha
    Participant

    Hey, Joe!
    I think you should just go for it. You know she loves you and you love her so just tell her how you feel. (Easier said than done, huh?) The only thing is those negative feelings you’re having might get in the way with you perusing your lady. I say you should work on more positive thinking. If you don’t love yourself how can you truly love someone else? Do things that make you happy and that inspire you. Meditate, clear your mind, dabble in things you’ve never done before, take risks, tell yourself how important you are every day! If you do these things you’ll find yourself more confident and not be so down on yourself all the time. Try not to put your love on hold though. People tend to do this when they see they need to work on themselves. If that girl really loves you, she’ll accept you for your true self both the good and bad. She’ll work with you to improve it no matter how long it takes (trust me, it doesn’t happen over night) she’ll work with you. Who knows, she’ll even help you to experience things and learn things you’ve never known! You might even be able to teach her a thing or two… Just be positive and thankful. Thank the Universe that you’ve found love! Some people are still searching! You should even be thankful to yourself, there’s obviously something VERY special about your personality that made her fall for you. You are unique, you are LOVED! Be Strong, Joe.

    #65611
    Joe
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies everyone, I really appreciate your positive feedback. I really don’t want to regret my decision, but I think I still need more time to change myself first so I can be worthy enough for her. I hope someday I will have the gut to tell her how much I love her…

    #65613
    Dan
    Participant

    Tomorrow never comes buddy.

    Like I said, 2 years later I fell in love with her. Even then I had a window of opportunity where I could have made her mine but I never spoke up.

    Don’t lose out. Just go for it. You said she loves you? Then it doesn’t matter what you have in your life. It’s you she likes not what you have going on.

    Go for it. You got nothing to lose.

    #65614
    Jessica
    Participant

    There is never a perfect time or a right time for something to happen. If you keep waiting, any chance you have will slip away from you. Time waits for no one. It’s okay if you’re not in the ‘right’ spot for yourself. No one ever is! As long as you are making progress some where (and talking to her about how you feel is progress!) then you are already at the best time to talk to her. Don’t let this time pass you by any longer.

    #65637
    rosamundi
    Participant

    You said, “but I think I still need more time to change myself first so I can be worthy enough for her”.

    Maybe being honest about your feelings for her would be a huge step in the right direction of change, and would set off other good changes? Is it “worthy” to continue pretending that you don’t care about her, when she clearly cares about you, and is unhappy because she thinks you don’t care about her? Maybe being “worthy” includes risking honesty?

    Yes, it’s scary. Most exciting things are scary! Going and speaking to her, and telling her how you really feel, would be beginning to change yourself. Waiting for a magical change to happen, without actually doing anything, is likely to leave you in the same place you’re in now. And her, too. All sad. You know she likes you. As Jessica said, nobody is ever fully in the right spot.

    I completely get what you mean about being awkward socially etc, as I was excruciatingly shy when I was younger, but maybe you underestimate how most people feel – lots of outwardly confident people are inwardly very uncomfortable too – it has taken me many years to figure that out, but it’s true.

    The meditation suggestion is a good one too – really good for anxiety of any description – I wish I’d learnt how to meditate years ago.

    Be kind to yourself, and kind to her, and go for it! Don’t beat yourself up about it – just do it.

    PS If ‘an awkward boy with social problems’ means more than average awkwardness, don’t be too fast to write yourself off. People who want to change really can – it takes time, hard work and good support, but it’s definitely possible. Knowing that you want to change – and being willing to step outside the comfort zone – are the biggest steps. So get out of that comfort zone (which isn’t so comfortable anyway) and talk to her!

    #65782
    Maureen
    Participant

    I was “that girl” you rejected. I still love you but I do not want you in my life. I have had therapy and am doing better without you. In fact, if you have not ever considered this try, “getting back with an ex like you is like re reading an old book, I already know how it ends.

    So stay in you comfort zone and if you ever cared about me,move on.

    #66089
    jeena
    Participant

    I just have trouble believing you really love her after all the love she has shone you in the past. Are you really saying it’s because you didn’t believe you could make her happy and she would hate you if she knows your true self?? Or you didn’t see the signs of love from her until it was too late? You mentioned she was being contradictory. Maybe that played a role in why you didn’t love her at that time?

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