In so much pain and confusion it's ruining me.

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by Joseph.

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November 22, 2013 at 6:18 pm #45677

Skye
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Since finding this site it’s helped me a lot. I’ve gotten better at affirmations, meditating, and loving myself. I still have a long road to go to what I guess would consider my ideal happiness or the overall mindset I want to be in, with that said I have gotten myself into one hell of a situation.

I am currently in a relationship with someone I have a child with. I am not happy anymore, and I haven’t been for a long time. There are things he does I can just not get over. He’s a very angry person, tends to blame everyone else for problems instead of just taking responsibility for them. I am constantly getting fingers pointed at me. Long story short, unhealthy, unhappy relationship and I don’t want my child in this environment any longer either. I told him he needed to change and he broke down and admitted everything I ever wanted him to, but here we are a few days later and it’s staying the same.

The past 6 months I have been talking more and more to someone I had feelings for in high school. Every time we talked since we left school I always had those feelings but it wasn’t until recently I actually said something. We both have mutual feelings and want something to work. I even had him fill out a huge list of questions which he answered and on paper seemed really fitting for someone I want to be with (granted yes, that doesn’t guarantee anything) He is also in a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the country but said things weren’t really working out. I asked him if he was willing to leave her because I showed him the same willingness to leave my current partner. Well he never replied and I understand he needs to time think etc. I have a really bad habit of over thinking, and with the lack of us really talking the past week & knowing hes playing online with her right now is driving my little inner voice bonkers to the point I feel like my heads going to explode.

I feel like I’m going to loose it. I don’t want to be the crazy pushy person that pushes people away. I think deep down I know what I want, but I feel just so lost and confused, and hurt as well.

Sorry for this being so long, and thank you.

November 23, 2013 at 4:41 am #45681

Hollie Caddock
Participant

I came out of a seriously abusive relationship almost two years ago.

The best thing you can do is focus on your child. They’re going to need you more than ever if you leave the picture and must come first before the possibility of another relationship.Find stability on your own, build yourself esteem and confidence back. You and your child deserve that.

You must focus on yourself and your child before you find someone else or you won’t be making stable foundations for your child to develop and it may turn into a constant tousling back and forth between uncertainty to uncertainty.

Also, if this guy leaves his current partner for you, what’s to say he won’t do the same later down the line to you? :/

Take a couple of deep breaths and decide based on what is best for your baby, with you supporting them wholehearted, happy and feeling confident.

It takes a massive amount of courage to be a single mother, and a massive amount to leave a potentially abusive relationship, especially if they’ve apologised over and over… You’re doing the right thing by stepping away. No one deserves to be made to feel continuously to blame or to be at the short end of someones fuse, especially if they are a loved one and a ‘life partner’.

I would, right now, forget this other guy as partner material. You have your life to build and he seems to be only hindering and hurting you too by saying things about how he’d like it to work and then going cold when it comes to leaving his partner. Be strong on your own. You need no one else but you and your son or daughter.

When you feel lost, look to your baby. They’ll be your light.

All of my love to you both. x

November 24, 2013 at 11:32 pm #45787

Francis V
Participant

I’m not sure if both of you are juping into a rebound relationship. i suggest that you take enough space and time to reflect on your relationship and on your life. better get into a new relationship in a clean slate then jumping to another relationship with unresolved emotions from the past.

All the best.

November 29, 2013 at 12:02 pm #45947

Tayana
Participant

i broke up with my x of 13yrs in 2009 and in 2009 i met the guy in cam currenlty dating. we have been with one another 4years. when i met him he was married and 1 year later was divorced. he has a son. ive asked him b4 if he wants to get married but after coming out of a bad marriage hes been hessitating. i have severe trust issues. i follow him. i check up on him all to make sure hes not lying or cheating. i havent caught him doing anything. he has soooo many females friends and he is a very social person. but i feel like he isnt serious about me anymore, when we started he showed me SO much affection and loved being around me. it seems now that he is sooo distant and really doesnt care about my feelings. i think he’s so into his friends and just wanting to do his own thing that he doesnt care about what may happen to us.

November 29, 2013 at 8:21 pm #45967

Joseph
Participant

Skye sorry to hear about all the turmoil, that sounds pretty tough. I would be careful About how you interpret your feelings for the other guy when you are going through something difficult.

Think about an ideal future for yourself and your child. Is this abusive guy part of the vision? If not then one step likely will be to break up. Don’t get caught up on guy one vs guy two. The answer is fix your situation and see what opportunities present themselves. Uncertainty can be scary so you will need to be brave.
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