December 10, 2015 at 2:56 pm #89421RaeParticipant
I’ve been a fan of this site and these forums for a while and this will be my first post. I don’t know what it is that I hope to receive from putting this out, but I guess encouragement and words of wisdom, advice, or support would really help.
3 and a half years ago I moved to a very busy city. I was drawn to its potential and diversity. Anything you could ever want is available right here. The life I’ve carved out is quite good. I have a stable job, play in an amazing band, attend an excellent art school, and have many creative and unique friends. But it feels hollow. Something isn’t right. I feel isolated, even around people I love. I don’t feel like I belong. And I’ve felt that way for as long as I have been here. I’ve tried to make it work. Bounced around in various housing situations and social groups. But I keep feeling disenchanted and disappointed. My heart keeps getting broken because the “dating” scene has evolved to a tinder hook-up culture now. And lately, I’ve felt so overwhelmed and unsafe it’s difficult to leave my home. Just walking to the corner store I get sexually harassed 90% of the time.
So I decided it needs to stop. Everything. I’m quitting my job. Getting rid of the majority of my belongings. Quitting the art class. Dropping out of the band. And I’m moving to a tiny house in the woods. My rent is going to be dirt cheap. I’ll have all the time in the world to figure out what I want to do with myself. I’m 30 years old, never married, and have no kids. I’m excited for the new promise of what I discover when I eliminate all the distractions that keep my guard up constantly. I’m looking forward to having a safe space to allow myself to fall apart so I can heal fully. And I’m also looking forward to seeing how my art develops and grows.
Despite all this, I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t make any friends in the local town. I’m scared that it might not work out. I’m scared of my own projections into the unknown. And if this doesn’t work out, my finances are not currently supportive of a backup plan. I’m kinda putting all my eggs in this basket. Trying to trust my heart and the universe. But I feel so alone.December 10, 2015 at 3:51 pm #89425SaiishaParticipant
Oh wow! That’s amazingly brave of you Rae, for making such a major move – from a packed city life to a tiny house in the woods! I myself live in a little house in the woods, and I love it, despite some of its surprises! As for your fears, they’re very understandable, not knowing what you’re getting into – but that’s the only way you can find out right? I do believe that when you’re fully, completely yourself, (not trying to fit in or wearing a mask to look like everyone else), you carry an energy that’s strong and powerful that can draw people to you – the right people who are attracted to that energy. I sincerely hope your dream works out for you, and that you find peace and fulfillment in your new home in the woods.December 11, 2015 at 8:40 am #89452AnonymousGuest
Is your decision final, to make all those changes you mentioned…(have the changes been made already?) and without a backup plan financially? Or are you open to re-examining your life here on this thread?
anitaDecember 11, 2015 at 9:25 am #89457JenniferParticipant
Welcome Rae to the world of no attachments!
Congrats on making such a decision! I am in the same boat…33 years old…no job for 4 months now, no extracurricular stuff, no kids, moved to a quieter part of town…in a relationship now but not married. I will say that there are days that I feel lonely because all my friends are working….but it’s so wonderful that I can actually enjoy the beach during the day…I can enjoy a long homemade breakfast in my pj’s….do whatever I like.
With regards to a job or career…I would say just keep your heart and mind open. You can always sell art on etsy or the local market. If you run into a situation where you are running low on funds, you can always barter housekeeping or playing music at a local restaurant for food or some quick cash. I always think that I can work at a coffee shop if I am desperate.
It is scary…but it is through these experiences that we can learn about our true authentic self and find out what is truly important to us. True joy and happiness comes from within & not externally.
I wish you the best of luck!
December 11, 2015 at 2:57 pm #89470vizualParticipant
- This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
I’m wondering what exactly do you hope to achieve by throwing your life upside down like that? And what do you think it is what needs to be healed?
You can leave town, quit your job and burn your possessions. But you will not be able to run from yourself. The problems you had will resurface, possibly in a different form. Unless you find peace within yourself