Thanks for the suggestion- sports in general are great. I’m a runner and love the feeling of pushing myself (so empowering!) and recently am getting into climbing and mountaineering which is wonderful when you are able to conquer that ingrained fear of heights. Adrenaline works wonders!

That’s the history. The suicide attempt happened shortly after my mom’s death. It was an extremely confusing and traumatic time. I was very out of touch with myself and my emotions, and ever since her passing I’ve felt a profound sense of loneliness and lack of support. For two years I suffered over the loss but now I’m more at peace with it, or at least it doesn’t affect my everyday life.
I was pretty happy and functional before everything happened, not without some distraught but that’s mostly true for anyone.

I guess what I’m saying is that, by actually attempting to kill myself once I completely disrepected everyone and everything I once loved in life. My actions screamed, even the things I love I don’t care enough to live for. Most people, I’d say, are born with a fear of death and a will to live that is motivating them to go get things in life. I feel like that’s been desensitized and I’m not as appreciative of the precious life within me as I should be- so I’m trying to practice gratitude.

I’m sort of scared sometimes by how callous I was when I made the attempt, it’s like this shadow inside I wish I could be rid of. I have a different perception of death than many people, and I wish it weren’t the case.