It would be easier for me to give advice if you gave me more concrete examples of the mistakes and the workplace or wherever you are being gossiped about.
Your mind now seems preoccupied about “my mistakes, my mistakes, my mistakes”. Can you see that you are making yourself more unhappy by replaying those past events and adding some of your own imagination?
People will talk and gossip about us whether we like it or not. My experience tells me that the more I worry that people gossip about me, the more likely it is to happen. Better to get something else to focus on now which brings you into the present moment.
Your self-talk sounds very negative. Can you notice that? The mind can be our enemy or friend? I know which one I prefer.

Dear AcceptingMe:

I share with you the belief that “it makes them feel better to talk about other people’s mistakes.” People often, most often, do not want to look into themselves and see what they may be doing wrong, so to occupy their brain and to feel better, they point a finger at another and say something like: “Look at him (or her), how stupid he is(and how much smarter I am in comparison)!”

It also makes sense that people do that because with our eyes we see other people, not ourselves unless we look in the mirror.

Here is a crazy idea (maybe not): as an exercise, why don’t you pay attention for a whole day to the mistakes other people do. If you do that, you will get a better understanding of how very, very often people make mistakes and that everyone makes mistakes. Just in case you do not have the full magnitude of understanding how … commonplace that is.

Please post again.

anita

Dear AcceptMe:

I too cared a lot about what you care about, what people think, not to mention what they say about me. I used to imagine people saying the worst things about me. I found out that the “voices” in my head were the ones most critical of me, an ongoing self criticism, telling me things like: “You said the wrong thing!… You should have said that!…You shouldn’t have said it that way… what will they think (Dread)… I should have, I shouldn’t have…. and on and on and on.

It is only recently that these voices in my head (also known as the Inner Critic, the out of control superego, in Freud terms) quieted down. I still hear them, a moment ago, I did. I looked around for a consequence (that wasn’t there) for something I did wrong.

Once you find the origin of that Inner Critic being so… overly critical of yourself, the first person or persons in your young life who criticized and rejected you, maybe through psychotherapy if this is emotionally too difficult (as it was for me)- then through insight and mindfulness skills, these voices, over time, quiet down.

I moved away thousands of miles from the people who knew me so to start a new life, one free of the old mistakes, that was many years ago. The people changed but the voices in my head were the same, until I went to therapy five years ago… then I started the difficult work, still in progress.

anita

Gorgeous post Kate. Absolutely brilliant. See the value of self-esteem? If we believe in our own value, no gossip is ever going to hurt us. We onlycare what we think of ourselves, not what others think. let it be part of everyone’s mantra who has low-self-esteem. Remember how important it is to believe in ourselves. We have to be on our own side! If we join forces with the critics, we are doomed!

A favorite question can be: “Am I not allowed to make a mistake?”

When you give yourself permission to make a mistake the rest of your life will seem beautiful and graceful.

To elegance and dignity! 🙂

@AcceptingMe

At 33 yrs old, I’m feeling the same way till this day. I had a rough time growing up and made plenty of mistakes in the past. I partied a lot, experimented with a lot of drugs, hurt a lot of people and I was known as “that person”. And the worst part is that I was young at the time. I know a lot of people do crazy things when they are young but for some reason i got criticized the most. It caused me depression, anxiety and some times i wanted to feel dead or just disappear so all the gossip would stop. But instead as I grew up and wanted to better myself, I learned from my mistakes and accepted the facts that some people will see me what i was in the past. And they can gossip that all they want, but in reality, thats what their life is all about. Just gossiping about other people because they are bored with their own lives. People change and they might not see that. But you dont have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Just remember that they don’t really know you. They just know who you are from the mistakes that you did in the past. Just move on and keep doing what you love while these gossipers still live in your past and not the now.

PS. Took me forever to figure out how to reply. Newbie probs..

You are welcome, AcceptingMe.
anita