Kirsty,

I really enjoy the way you’re looking at things and trying to sort it out. Its true that karma binds us together in hoops or circles of patterned relationships, and there is often some kind of a connection. Freud said that we repeat certain relationships over and over until we figure out why we keep getting into them. Said differently, sometimes when we have unresolved conflicts that we still we carry with us, we naturally move toward situations that reflect the discomforting states. It can help us heal old wounds, and perhaps we’re drawn to them because we want to heal the internal mirroring. Perhaps we keep repeating the same error, fall into the same unhealthy patters. Either way, its good to untangle them. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

First, we are the light to our world. Often times the people around us only look dark because that’s what we’re seeing. If we self nurture, such as a metta practice or walking in nature, what we see lightens. People aren’t bad people, they have lots of noble qualities that become obscured when they suffer. One friend might be a great artist, but gets frustrated easily. Another might be a great mom, but fail at relationships. As we remain nourished and full of light, we help inspire the nobility in us and those around us.

That being said, my teacher also loved to remind me that life is not meant to be an endurance trial. The sangha is one of the pillars of development, and communing with like minded people is important. Otherwise, we get too far uprooted from our own truth, and become a “tiger in the woods”. This happens to monks who spend too much time away from a meditative community, but it happens to us as well, when our relationships are unstable or draining.

What we often mistakenly do is “beat people up” with truth. We see someone acting in an afflicting way (to self or others) and get flustered with them, judge them. The way my teacher described this was like going into a dance club. Its actually quite rude to tell them to turn the music down, and silly for us to get mad at the noise. If we have a friend that is consistently angry, for instance, we can try to help them if they want it, but otherwise our peace rekindles when we leave the club. Said differently, we don’t have the right or obligation to try to change people, and if they consistently pull us away from our mindfulness, it is OK to simply walk away. “Do no harm” and so forth.

A focus we can use for contemplation, if we’re curious about our side of the karma, is to consider how Buddha could sit in the pah of a charging elephant and be undisturbed. So, what are we bringing to the moment? What is additional?

With warmth,
Matt

Hi
Firstly, you are your own like minded person.

Also, saints need sinners. A negative person will always pop along, they are a gift. Thats how we learn how not to be. Because unfortunately negative people are unhappy. We can only hope that our love, compassion and patience acts as a guide for them.

Even when we find like minded friends and acquaintances, we must not get attached but accept it as a naturally occurring part of the journey that is our current life.

The laws of attraction are always working and I think that we can attract, like minded people by having the courage to be our positive selves.

Best wishes.