Hi Crawford,

I don’t know if there are any easy answers. I too have a spiritual/religious background and can identify with the judgement that can often come from family and friends, and complete strangers when our life and/or lifestyle don’t line up with those same spiritual/religious values and beliefs. Being gay does not preclude you from humanity or from being a child of God or from having the ability to love and be loved. I can’t say that I’m all that clear about how people come to be gay, but I am clear on this:  a person being gay should not prevent anyone from loving and respecting you or any gay person or any person who is different for that matter.  I am African American, and that’s different. Most of us are aware of slavery in African American history. Now, there have been and probably will always be people who feel people of color are less than and inferior as many felt during slavery – and will treat us that way no matter how hard we work, no matter how intelligent or kind. And the same will probably be true of you simply because you’re different.  However, don’t allow other’s perception of you prevent you from being authentically you. People are going to think what they want for good or bad even if you were not gay so don’t build your life around what others think. What do you think about yourself?  That’s more important. You have to live with yourself everyday so it would be best if you could find it in your heart to love yourself whether your friend does or not.

If you are spiritual, then this is a great time to connect with God and mediate on those scriptures that affirms God’s love for you. Do not believe people who would have you think that God does not love you because you are gay. Some of the same people would have me believe that God doesn’t love me because of the color of my skin. However,  I can boldly tell you that, that is a lie! God has not forgotten you because you are gay and being gay does not make you a bad person. I have several gay friends whom I love and care for very much, and I would hope that everyone would be kind to them. They are my friends and I cherish them. I also have a friend who was gay who has turned away from it with the help of her faith, and she is happy. That’s not everyone’s experience, I know, but it was hers. Then, I have other gay friends who are openly gay and they are also happy.

Be kind to yourself; be kind to others; and surround yourself with people who inspire and believe in you. If you come out to your parents and they take it hard, give them time to deal with it; love and pray for them, but you do what is right for you.

While the Christian Bible doesn’t seem to condone a gay lifestyle, it does, however, support loving your neighbor – and our neighbor could be gay, straight or somewhere in between. You deserve to be your best you and to be happy. You deserve to be free to be you. And while I don’t pretend to know a lot about being gay, I respect your person and your kind spirit regardless of your sexual orientation. And while I can understand your friend being surprised that you are gay, that alone should not be enough to abandon a healthy, wonderful friendship. But here’s the thing. Sometimes people and friendships aren’t always as healthy and great as they appear, and sometimes things happen that opens our eyes to the fact that those friendships and relationships were not at all healthy and great in the first place. I’m just saying that if your friends and family can just discard you simply because you’re gay; well, they are the one’s who need to change. Real love runs a bit deeper than that. At some point, you’ll need to do what is right for you and let those who  say they love you prove it with their actions and response to you.  I’m also concerned that your closest friend may be impacting you negatively.  I agree with Anita in that you don’t need to place so much stock in your friend, to the point where you rise and fall based on his acceptance of you.  You’re giving him too much power and control over your life.  Also, there is a difference in being spiritual and talking spiritual. It may be time to make some friends that you feel to be yourself with.  But get to know and love yourself and you’ll find that it makes everything else easier. All the best!