Dear Lola:

I re-read your posts and it seems to me that your boyfriend does love you very much. You mentioned many indications that he cares for you and loves you. And he does deserve your empathy and consideration for his challenges and distress (“currently in the process of moving but hasn’t found a place yet. He’s also looking for a new job. I know he’s stressed…Also he’s struggled with depression before”).

When you obsess on every little thing he says or doeesn’t say as indications of his lack of love  of you or plans to leave you, and then you talk to others, maybe even strangers, asking them what they think, that is not a good idea. Other people don’t know or they may be wrong. Then you get upset and more anxious. Better you talk about his behavior with your therapist when you do  have sessions. Otherwise selective as to whom you approach with questions about whether he loves you.

This is what you wrote that leads me to believe that you love him: “I want to talk to him but I know my anxiety worries him and I don’t want to make things worse”- if I understand correctly, that your motivation was to not cause him worry, that is loving on your part.

You wrote: “I worry I talk about me too much.. I just said I was sorry, why I act like I do, and that he can always tell me if he needs his space and that I’m here for him for anything”- that is loving on your part, to not want to talk too much, to apologize when an apology is due, and to offer him space, as well as your support otherwise.

On the other hand, it is not loving on your part to argue and fight with him (“I saw him at the gym today and we kinda fought… I was being snappy and rude and we kept arguing… I told him that I’m scared he doesn’t want me and we argued”).

I hope you manage your anxiety better, use skills that help, from taking long walks to guided meditation, yoga perhaps, soft music…

anita