Is it a dream or an obsession (negative) ?

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    Hello, and thank you for taking your time to read this… hopefully you’ll leave your rich point of view/recommendation as a comment or message.

    I’ll turn 20 in a few months and this is my problem:

    I quit soccer when i was about 13, because of a serious injury, and then i went back to play when i was in high school, the thing is that i wasn’t in shape at all, and i didn’t feel comfortable with my mates. So i didn’t enjoy it at all. I suffered being in the team – sometimes I would even not go to the games because I didn’t enjoy it… due to my lack of shape and my atmosphere.

    Now, time has passed by, and well I don’t know if its an obsession or a real dream to follow and become a professional soccer player.

    I’ve always been physically ‘fragile’ get injured all the time. That always sets me back when trying to gain power, muscles, because i get injured after a couple of weeks of having started.

    This is a major point, and I need your help:

    If i follow my path of become a soccer player, there are many things that really make me think why to not become a soccer player:

    1.- I hate to say this, but I’m a superficial person, I love physically beautiful women, and if i become a soccer player you don’t know where you’ll play, but lets assume that i will play in some country where theres not a high percentage of really beautiful girls (please, leave aside those comments: “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”… “beauty is a matter of tastes”… or “wherever you go there are beautiful women” – believe me that is not true, not everywhere you can find gorgeous girls every day just walking down the street – please, i don’t mind to offend anyone. I’m just sharing one of my problems

    2.- Thank God, I have the opportunity to go to college, and I’m already planning to do a masters or PhD in some country abroad (if i get a scholarship) in something related to business, and yes, another of my problems, is that I want to be rich, so I can do and have whatever I want in this life (not for the sake of showing to others that I’m rich, but of fulfilling all my ‘materialistic’ desires, such as traveling, and buying as many houses/cars i’d like.

    I’ve tried to forget about becoming a soccer player because that obsession hasn’t let me enjoy what i have in life, and what i currently do. And, well, going out every weekend and drinking, and having a good time with my friends, hasn’t turned out to be really fulfilling. I’m 19, and I don’t wanna do that for the next 10 years or so.

    That’s where that lack of fulfillment comes. A fulfillment I feel that becoming a soccer player will bring me. But then again, when I play soccer with my friends, just for the sake of having fun, I sometimes don’t enjoy it because I’m so out of shape, but i don’t know if thats the real reason, or if its because I’m not ‘good enough’ anymore.

    So, to sum up everything… if i follow my “academic” life, i will have parties, money (I know you might say that nothing guarantees that i’ll be rich, but believe me, i will if i follow that path because I’m ambitious, so just assume the ‘money’ thing), and women.

    And if i become a soccer player, I might end up not liking it, not enjoying it… I might as well just never make it professionally because, like i said i might be “not good enough”… or i might get injured seriously and bye bye to everything (but this last one doesn’t really worry me, the point is is that i wanna prove to myself if i can make it)

    And also, when I try to go back in shape, like getting conditioned to play football, it really sets me back, sometimes its just myself, because its really a pain in the ass to go through that conditioning, i’ve never liked running, but when its about soccer, things change… so sometimes i just stop, and say, oh well, i rather become a business man, its more comfortable, i’ll have more money (its an assumption), i won’t have a strict life, i’ll do whatever i want.. etc…

    Ultimately, If I don’t really try (devote myself to it) to become a soccer player i have “thorn in my side”, and I already do, since i was 13. So, please help me, I don’t know if its an obsession of mine, or if its really a dream… And by the way, I haven’t felt that climactic, fulfilling emotion of happiness that you feel when you score a goal, in any other areas in my life. Yeah, Im happy when partying, meeting new people, going to school, etc… but that emotion has never appeared within these areas.

    And, it already worries me, that in 10-15 years when looking back, and yeah perhaps i’ve fulfilled my life as a business man, but i don’t wanna look back and say.. why didn’t i try to become a prof. soccer player?? and yeah, that happens somewhere around when you are 20-30 yrs old.. and a business man you can be whenever, on your 30’s, 40’s, 60’s, 70’s, but not a soccer player… but at the same time, will soccer bring that happiness and joy to my life?

    So, what do you guys think… is it an obsession that I should just try to forget about, or is it really a dream to become a professional soccer player (yeah, it sounds ironic, how you could know whether its a dream or not, if i don’t tell you… but since – i assume- you are older than me, and therefore have experienced more things in life, what do you suggest…

    last but not least… i read a quote some time ago.. which goes something like: “young people don’t know what they want, while old people do but it’s already too late”

    Sorry for the long confusing post… but its something that I can stop thinking about every single day


    He Decime,

    First off, let me say that it’s quite natural to want the things you want being a 20 year old guy (having been one myself). Whether ou will get any joy of these things…well it’s something that you have to find out yourself. One of the common themes I’ve noticed in both your options your focus on the outcome rather than the process (e.g. you enjoy soccer when you score a goal but hate the training). However, to reap the rewards that you crave, you need to be REALLY good at what you do and it is a lot harder to become proficient at something that you are not passionate about. This is because to excel in any field, you are going to hit a lot of walls and if you are not passionate about what you do, you will end up hating it. That’s why successful people are generally those who follow their passion (e.g. Steve Jobs and J.K. Rowling) rather than materialistic gains. Given your age, you still have time to look for what that passion is. Just look out for things that you simply enjoy doing rather than what you get out of it. If it is something that you can make money out of as well? Well that’s probably the career path you want to follow.


    Thank you Yue for your response; just to make something clear: I not only enjoy it when scoring – but that is the highest, the climactic feeling of fulfillment… i also like the fact of playing, I’m usually not a goalscorer due to my position; i love assisting others…

    but yeah, the problem is that… the training process, getting there, thats what makes me not know if i really wanna it or not, if i really enjoy it or not…

    it is a never ending dilemma… and i totally agree and thank you about the: “One of the common themes I’ve noticed in both your options your focus on the outcome rather than the process”

    And, well, if i go in the business field and stuff, i might like it, but i don’t think i will be passionate about it, neither about any other educational career…

    its just something so confusing


    At this point in your life do you have to give up academics to get in shape & start playing better soccer? Or do you just have to give up your unfulfilling social activities (weekend drinking w/ friends) and buckle down to get in shape to even get noticed soccer-wise?

    Obsessed people & dreamers both can take concrete steps to achieve the end result. Your end result now sounds like money & good looking women. I’m not sure what soccer players make but really there are many paths to girls & money.

    As far as the soccer, do you even like to play? I started playing again after 22 yrs. I’m currently 42 and do want to get better as a player so I’ve joined an adult league. I realized I don’t like running just to run, but I like to run in sports as part of the game. I also began coaching. Personally, I find it fulfilling but I do pay to play!

    “Ultimately, If I don’t really try (devote myself to it) to become a soccer player i have “thorn in my side”, ”

    You’re obsessed with the dream. But you’re young and if you’re willing to work hard for it — go for it.


    Thank you Stilllearning,

    Your words are rich of wisdom…. What I find strange is that I think about playing soccer, I get a strong desire to play soccer when I’m really upset, when I feel depressed, alone, because I feel soccer to be a refuge, but I mean when I’m emotionally really down… crying and stuff… or either when i’m furious about someone or something, or when I’m extremely happy… but otherwise, like on a daily basis I don’t feel any of the aforementioned strong emotions that will “motivate me” to not only play but to enjoy it,when depressed, lets say due to a girl or something like that, i feel it like an escape a refuge… when furious… i go running at 100% and also shooting, and competing with anger like it should be (even when not furious, therefore all the time) or when I’m full of joy for something thats happened in my life I enjoy the game, because its a happy game,like its supposed to be, “the beautiful game” but when I’m not in any of those emotions I just don’t give it all, I can’t give it all for some reason… and I also happened to instead of enjoy it, I’m more stressed out about it…

    And yeah, indeed, you are right, its an obsession, but you know… perhaps I could not try to become a professional soccer player and go to a “happy life” but you know…

    If i go for the soccer career, i might be less happy, live difficult situations, lots of stress, but at the end, it will bring me satisfaction… something that living just a “happy life” in the ‘market’ won’t bring me…

    and I can’t imagine a life without satisfaction, and by satisfaction I mean personal fulfillment, I don’t mean it to be famous and claimed by the crowd… just to feel realized… and even though I might not enjoy many moments when playing soccer, I’m sure it can bring that satisfaction


    There is no job you will like 100%. There will be moments you remind yourself you just have to do something bc you’re a professional. For some it means keeping mum in the boardroom when an idiot starts ranting, for other that means practicing your skills when your emotions are neutral.

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