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Is it normal?

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  • #126474
    Bernadette
    Participant

    Hiya everyone
    Feeling a bit down today and looking for some word of advise and support from the group.
    It’s one of those days were I think a lot about my ex, we broke up 2014.
    I Dated a boyfriend last year, tough kind of relationship. We broke up some months ago, he still calls and text but I don’t want to get involve because he is an alcoholic and we are not going anywhere in this relationship.

    I was with my previous ex for 4 yrs, I did love him a lot but not sure if he felt the same cause of the way we broke up. I still think about him a lot,we live in the same village and I see him now and again. Last year we met briefly and we spend sometime together and he wanted to try again as he says he had lots of feelings for me, then I found out he was dating one of his ex gf, I ask him about that and we ended up having a big argument and We have not talk since. I do think about him a lot, when we were together we had so much plans or maybe I had so much plans… Not sure though as to why I feel this way, I’m sure he is not really thinking about me as he lied to me a lot during the relationship and that’s why we broke up and were always into arguments. I trusted him and never wanted to hurt him, yet he would lie to me about many things..
    I’m not sure why I’m still thinking about him after 3 yrs apart. Even though I was dating someone last year, i still think about my ex a lot..it feels like he crosses my mind all the time..

    I’m not sure if I will find someone I can relate to, have a nice relationship with. I rarely socialise or go out, I work from home, live in a small village were I rarely see other people.

    #126477
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bernadette:

    I think it is normal for a person to get lonely when not in a relationship, or not in a loving, healthy relationship. And so, being lonely in a village with very limited opportunities to meet new men, you end up thinking of your ex. Even though he lied to you and had lots of arguments, that is, even though it was a bad relationship and you shouldn’t get back with him, still you have some good memories.

    When you are lonely, you miss those good memories. Unfortunately, if you did get back with him, you are likely to experience the same frustration and hurt of being lied to. That is never fun…!

    anita

    #126479
    Barbara
    Participant

    Hi Bernadette.

    I think it doesn’t really matter if it’s normal or not 🙂 I’ve been there and so have many other people. I don’t know why it happens, but it does. I do think it has to do with your own life…I think when you have more stuff going on you tend to think less of an ex, or whoever it is that’s crossinf your mind. In that sense, a hobby or any activity you enjoy might help.

    I’ve also been where you’re at, regarding meeting someone new. I would recommend to make the most out of your situation and try to get out there. Perhaps, instead of working from home, go to a café or some place where there’s other people around. I’m not necessarily implying you go out looking for a new romantic relationship…just focus on meeting new people, if that’s possible (I don’t know how small your town is!), men, women, younger, older. It’s ok if you don’t connect with anyone immediately, just focus on being around people. For me, it felt awkward and frustrating at first because I never actually talked to people, or I felt like I had very superficial conversations and at the end of the day I would feel like a failure. I guess what I’m saying from my own experience is, get out there but don’t take it like a task, or something you have to achieve. Baby steps. For me it worked out in the end, almost accidentally, and have met some people, none of whom I’m romantically interested, but who are fun to hang out with.

    Ultimately, it’s up to you what you do about this relationship. The thing is you have to see your ex (and any other guy in the future) clearly for what he is and what he is capable of giving in that moment. It’s hard, I know. But it’s important to recognize (and accept!God, is it hard to accept) who you’re dealing with and whether or not they are a good fit for you in terms of what you want and need in a partner.

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