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Is it real or only in my head?

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  • #71316
    jeena
    Participant

    6 years we spent in an online community as friends..but we both were in relationships for most of the time. Recently though, we both are out of relationships and started to see each other as more…but still only online. I suggested we meet in person. We almost did but he chickened out. (Well, he said he couldn’t but I know better) I know him quite well and he knows me too. Is it possible to develop real feelings while online only or do you think it’s just all in our heads?

    #71321
    Filipe Rocha
    Participant

    Hello Jeena,

    Well, as you may have guessed, some things are real and some things are in your head. For example, when you say “He couldn’t but I know better” you’re comparing a new experience with someone new to previous experiences in your life, therefore, in your head, you are assuming that the same might be happening again because you have an event in your past that dictates how it goes however, you must remember that different times and different people can produce different results.

    Having feelings online, from my perspective, is possible. You talk to someone, you get to know someone, it’s possible to develop quite the bound to a person despite having never met her in real life.

    However, you have to take the other variables into consideration. There’s a reason why he didn’t come and the only person that can tell you that reason is him. It’s up to you to believe him or not, either way, it’s out of your control.

    You can try to meet him, develop a relationship and I encourage you to do it but remember that, if it doesn’t work out, you mustn’t be afraid to take the chance. It’s better to let your heart guide you through these situations instead of looking for logical reasons to either go for it or back out. You’re never going to be fully happy with whatever answers we might present to you here since none of them will be definite answers to your problem.

    Weather it’s real or in your head shouldn’t be a problem, if you want it, go for it.

    Best of luck to you.

    #71387
    Katie
    Participant

    Hi Jeena,

    I ditto everything Filipe said. And I DO think it’s absolutely possible to develop real feelings online…how those feelings translate in the “real world” is a different issue entirely. But that you won’t know until you are physically around the person. I say you keep trying to meet. You won’t know if it’s real until you do. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Katie. Reason: forgot a word!
    #71392
    jeena
    Participant

    Thank you Filipe and Katie!
    I will go for it! He told me he loved me online but I can’t be sure it’s real unless we meet. It really surprises me that he backed out of meeting. That’s not showing me any love with action. I know we can’t just have an online thing. I’m not sure how it’s going to translate in person. In fact, maybe he’s not even who he says he is. So how can I say I love him back even if I have those feelings before meeting? So confused. I tried to make it real but he seems to want to keep it fantasy at this time. :/

    #71403
    Filipe Rocha
    Participant

    Remember, you can’t assume he backed out for any reason whatsoever. Sometimes there are logistical things that really happen. It is possible to just be busy or have other life concerns.

    That being said, don’t be afraid of trying it out. I know it’s a fearful thing to do, specially when you’ve been hurt before in this type of scenarios but there is no confusion here. It’s better to just meet and figure out what this is or move on if he fails to try to meet you. One time is possible, two times I’d start to suspect as well and you have to preserve your self-love and keep going if that happens.

    Best of luck to you my dear.

    #71452
    Wiseowl
    Participant

    My response won’t be positive i am afraid. Before i met my lovely husband i had a long relationship with a man which was long distance and so we used email as our main method of communication. As can be expected, it all ended in – my – tears, and yes, i had built up an image of a man, even meeting him many times, which was entirely false. I fell in love with this image, which was not real. I only found out later, stopping communication and leaving him gave me all the symptoms of a broken heart, i was bereft, missed his letters. After i had recovered enough to start dating again, half a year later, when i started to do internet dating i made a rule of meeting prospective partners quickly, and avoided any long correspondence online. Never again would i fall into that trap.

    #71698
    jeena
    Participant

    Thank you again Filipe! I would agree that he may have really had a legitimate reason for backing out of meeting but he hasn’t offered another date yet. So that leaves me believing still that he just chickened out. He still shows interest online. It literally is like he wants to keep it as an online thing only. I guess time will tell for sure.

    Wiseowl, thank your response! I am sorry you went through that. That is a real concern of mine. I’ve been trying to not fall into that same “trap” as you said. We were friends only for years so there was no strong emotions until recently when the idea of actually meeting came into play. I was getting excited about meeting him and wanted to pursue further especially since he seems to have already developed strong feelings for me without even meeting yet. I question that and I told him that until we actually meet, I would not know for certain that I had those same feelings. I mean, I feel something for him but I don’t think it’s real until we meet. This is why I want to know if others had experienced this before.

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