Sounds like you’ve put all your eggs in one basket which may be unattractive to some females.
I’d say as long as she knows where you stand, time to back off. the ball is in her court. Time to pursue other interests, even other females, as she may not be taking you seriously. The fact that she is still seeing another guy occasionally is a red flag in my opinion.
The “real” her may not be as good as the “ideal” her that you have created.
I’m in my fiftees and looking back I know, I definitely idealised some women who didn’t really deserve it.
One other thing springs to mind. her “difficult” past may be a red flag too. it would be for me. She may not want to risk loving feelings towards anyone again. she may want to adopt a pragmatic, even cynical approach to life. OK I might reading too much into this.
Good luck.

Time to lay it on the line then…
“Listen can we talk….
How can I put this? Would you be ready to take our relationship to the next step? I feel ready. Do you?”

How’s that? Too abrupt? Wouldn’t work?

Rejection is a part of life. If we avoid rejection we avoid life.
I know it’s hard but try not to take it personally. Actually we don’t realise, but sometimes a rejection is doing you a favour in the long run. I compare this to missing out on a job. The job seems ideal but if they accepted , the job might’ve proved less than ideal. You need that approach to life. “oh too bad. it mustn’t have meant to work out.
This procrastination is wasting your time. Better to find out for sure, then move on if you have to. I bet there a lot of women suitable for you, just you either aren’t aware or they haven’t met you yet.
If I think about the time I wasted on “oh this is the one, I have to have her”, the sleepless nights. The agony is wateful as I look back now.

Yes she is worth persuing because presently and for some time she is the object of your desire. When this happens someone becomes the exclusive focus of all our central thoughts and feelins. You are running away, rather than confront your feelings of humiliation and rejection and worse of all her friendship. That would be a huge loss. Rather than facing this, you chose to walk away or worse accept a small piece of her as something is better than nothing.
She knows how you feel. She enjoys your company and is having the best of all worlds. Do yourself a favour and confromnt her. Tell her out straight how you feel about her. Two things will happen. She may realize that you are not prepared to sit around any more and it may propel her to give you a chance, given her checkered past with non committed men. When you confront her it may also be the elephant in the room and that once you have called it time on your true feelings for her it will close down the relationship. I know you fear this more than anything but guess what, the terrible pain you are feeling now will stop after a few days. Yes you will have to cope with the dissappointment but you will be Ok after a short while and sooner than you imagine as you become emotionally freed up for finding the soulmate you are so deserving. Finally you have to ask yourself the question, why would you stick around and accept a glass half full relationship. Why do you think this is all you deserve. You are a man. Stand up straight and look her in the eye (stop looking at the ground). Ask the straight question and then look at the sky, either you will embark on a deeper relationship or you be set free to feel deep and meaningful love with someone you just hav’nt met yet. There out there now. Its a ‘win, win’ for you. Start loving yourself today and respecting all that you are and all that you have to offer. It means a lot to someone, if not her then your soulmate is waiting for you. Act today !Good luck

Hi Greengiant,

Thank you for sharing your struggle. I hear you and understand what this must be like for you right now.

If I may offer you my two cents worth, in the best of faith, it would be this:

Human beings are relational beings. When we say we don’t want relationships, what we are often saying is that we can’t handle relationships or don’t know how to be in one. On face value, I would agree with you about she doesn’t want the commitment and perhaps feels vulnerable with making such a commitment. That’s fair enough and her entitlement.

With regard to the walls she quite clearly puts up, you cannot bring those down. This is not possible, nor is it your responsibility or obligation. Only she can do this. Your pursuit of her may actually build those walls higher when she’s pushed.

At the end of the day, there is two people in any relationship and this equal’s 100%. You can ever only be responsible for your 50% and never hers.

Now here’s the light at the end of the tunnel! HOW you take care of your 50% will make or break any relationship you either seek or wish to nourish. Take a look at how you are showing up for yourself. What sort of messages are you telling yourself? How do you actually see yourself? What walls do you have, and why?

These sorts of questions are the beginning to discovering what your 50% looks like. Then, and only then, can you decide how you’d like to be. This is either going to be attractive to her or not. However, by making decisions for yourself and your relationships per se you can then begin to change how you are outwardly to others.

Obviously I am skimming the surface here and I’m going on what you’ve offered, but I hope it helps somewhat.

Best of luck!

Matt.
http://www.seedslifecoaching.com/

I’m going to be the same 20 years from now; alone, single, and miserable.

See your self-talk?
It reminds me of how fear driven my own self-talk can be.
I think single people tend to idealise all those in relationships.
I think I’m happier in a relationship now but we certainly have our moments, our arguments, our times when we ask ourselves” is this what I really want”>
And then some day one of us will die anyway. We have to get used to change. Nothing lasts forever.
You know I look back at my single life and sure it was lonely sometimes but on the other hand I had a kind of independence too. It wasn’t all bad. It was an interesting phase of my life.
Try to have gratitude for your current phase of life, I guess is what I’m trying to say.