Home→Forums→Relationships→Is this an unrequited crush?
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xWhy.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:51 pm #68673
CaseyParticipantThis is my first time explaining about a situation in writing, so bear with me >.<
in summary, when i met the person we talked normally and i liked the personality, felt comfortable but then the person said they’d text me but hasn’t and since then i got concerned but i thought of how nice it’d be to at least have a good friend. maybe all i want from this person is to be good friends, because i don’t constantly think of them but lately whenever we saw each other, i’d get a bit nervous and even when i see this person with other girls i get irritated for no reason but i don’t want to seem like someone who’s trying to get this person especially if they don’t think the same way after talking to this person. i do get happier than usual for a long time, but i don’t always imagine myself with this person it’s just confusing, because i don’t want to force anything but it also means i never know how i really feel. i always get the urge to talk to this person even though they don’t talk to me first most of the time, or they will talk sometimes in a way they care, but then there’s times when i text but the person doesn’t answer back. maybe i just feel upset because of the person not interested which somehow makes me more interested because of the person not being so clingy. i can’t write a lot of specifics because we’d see each other a few times, sometimes text, but otherwise not much else, but i like how the person seems to be aware of things, calm, not boastful or anything like that.in other words, i felt that the most we’ve conversed was when we first met and and texted each other, because after we called each other on the phone once, which was about a couple of weeks later, it seemed as if there was distance, maybe because he was too embarrassed to talk anymore. from that time, i’ve tried every now and then to text or meet him in person but i sometimes fail to talk in person because he would talk to other people or look busy. what’s strange to me is, even though lately we haven’t talked as much as before, because of not having anything to say to each other, other than me talking about emotional problems because of a mix between at least having some sort of conversation but mainly because of feeling sad or mad at the fact that we can’t quite express each other, he seems more engaged and open to other people he talks to. at times he’ll even come up to me too to say hi and one time invited me to hang out but the atmosphere in general isn’t like how i feel with my friends, or relaxed, cheerful and nonchalant, nor isn’t necessarily a bad feeling either, just awkward. so he seems open at first but what i don’t understand is that if he can take the time to talk to other people then why does it seem hard for him to talk to me, even though he did mention liking someone to me.
and is there a way i can move forward in this kind of relationship?December 2, 2014 at 6:53 pm #68674CaseyParticipantThank you for those who are willing to read this post ^>^
December 2, 2014 at 10:42 pm #68677
AnonymousInactiveYep, you like him a lot and you want him to notice you but he sees you as just another person he knows. Dont sweat it, its just a crush – enjoy it while it lasts.
December 3, 2014 at 5:00 am #68686
InkyParticipantHere’s how I look at things:
1. EITHER he’s not actively interested in you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. In which case, forget him.
2. OR, he is indeed interested. But if he can’t show you obvious interest, what is to keep other guys from sweeping you off your feet? He has a lot of work to do. Forget him until he asks you out.
My advice? If he calls, call back. If he texts, text back. But only if you want to. If he doesn’t make the first move, don’t do it for him.
A man pursues, a woman discerns.
December 3, 2014 at 12:17 pm #68693
FritzParticipantCrushes can be funny things, this has actually reminded me of past experiences I have had with crushes myself. Here are some of my thoughts…
What i think tends to happen in crush mode, is that we start to envision our lives with people, and create big expectations in our heads. Sometimes without really getting to know the other person (I get it, it’s part of what makes having a crush fun!) But I think this goes even further, when one person shows more interest than the other because we tend to go even further out of our way to prove ourselves. And you’re right, sometimes when a person doesn’t show interest, we tend to go even more out of our way to prove ourselves-even if we are unsure about them. I totally get it. It’s because we all want to feel that acceptance that we are good enough, regardless of how strong or confident we are.
If you are still stuck on how to approach the situation, because of mixed messages, and unsure feelings…then I would encourage shifting the focus. By focusing less on how he feels about you/what he thinks about you, and give more focus to how he makes you feel about yourself…Instead of asking, what does this person think of me, am I not good enough, why isn’t he talking to me/opening up to me etc. Start asking, How does this person make me feel, about myself? Do i feel that i need to prove myself, or change something about myself, in order to make him talk to me? Or does he make me feel like I can be open, and just be myself. If there is more focus on what he thinks of you, instead of how he makes you feel about yourself, then it’s just not going to work out. If someone has you circling in self-doubt (which may be completely unintentional…. going back to @Inky ‘s first two points) then it is important to take a step back, and really look at how this person makes you feel about YOU. The start of ANY type of relationship should not begin with one person or another, wanting to change things about the other person, and the only thing we should really set a high expectation for, is for respect.
I am also not a sold believer, on the man being the one who pursues. Positive relationships of EVERY kind require communication, and the start of a crush, can be a tricky place to try and open up about yourself, and how you feel about him (although as you mentioned, you’re still learning about him, and how you feel about him). Becoming friends with this person first, will help you to learn more about one another… and may relieve some of the frustration and pressure you might be feeling.. With this being said, don’t depend on this other person to make up your mind for you. You need to decide how you feel about him, and how he makes you feel 🙂
T
hese factors in figuring out how you really feel about this person-beyond expectations. This person could be a great person, but just may not be the person for you. And that’s okay-because there is someone out there who is 🙂 In the meantime, just be yourselfI hope this helps, good luck! 🙂
December 10, 2014 at 11:45 am #69063
xWhyParticipantI like a lot of what fritz says. I want to add something. He’s picking up on your discomfort and awkwardness about your feelings. I suspect this is more than a crush. The way you write about him (specifically by calling him “this person”) tells me you value him more than just sexually. A crush is mostly sexual attraction and infatuation, but this seems like more than that. I’ll offer this, relax, and actively seek to get to know him. Don’t chase him, just let him know you want to get to know him a little better than the superficial friendships that we all have. Maybe you guys are a great match, maybe not. But don’t try and guess. I’ll quote a teacher I had in college. “If you don’t know, ask. If you aren’t sure, ask. I can’t read your minds, and I would rather you risk being embarrassed to ask for what you need, than make a mistake that hurts more than a ding in your pride”. Good luck!
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