I’ve been on and off with this one guy for the past 6-7 years. We have never met, only FaceTime, pictures, and phone.<span class=”Apple-converted-space” We haven’t met because he’s in India and I’m in NY. We had a chance to meet…however it didn’t happen. I want to start from the beginning.
We started talking through his cousin, who I know from NY, his cousins gave him my number even after I said no, thinking why would I want to talk to someone so far. The first time he called me, we had amazing chemistry on the phone.<span class=”Apple-converted-space” Next thing you know we are adding each other on all social media platforms and FaceTiming.<span class=”Apple-converted-space” Eventually, we got into a long distance relationship- Talking everyday and all day long, even with the time difference, we couldn’t get enough of each other. After almost a year we broke up because I wanted to get more serious and he didn’t yet, he’s 4 yrs younger than I am.<span class=”Apple-converted-space” It also got frustrating not meeting him in person. Even though I was a little hurt, little angry and very disappointed. In time I understood why he didn’t want to get serious, he was still settling in life and had to figure things out at 25. 4 months after this I was still upset about what happened. He visited NY and sent me a message on Facebook that he’s in ny. Why wouldn’t he call or text me? But a random message on FB, I refused to see him. Yes I know I should have met him but that’s what I felt in that moment, because a part of me still was in love with him.<span class=”Apple-converted-space” We didn’t talk for a year and a half.
In 2016, I visited India after 15 years. One of my main intentions planning a trip to India was to meet him. I didn’t ever stop thinking about him. My mom was going to India and I decided to join her, she supported my decision to go meet him. I didn’t know if he was in a relationship or not but I wanted to meet him in person. Even if it was the first and last time, even as just friends. I spoke to him when I got to India and he was very excited. He couldn’t believe I was there. We made plans to meet. I was in Delhi and he was in Ludhiana, that’s 6-7 hr drive. We decided to meet at the golden temple which was 3 hrs away. I was bringing my mom along and he was bringing his sister. After a week of making plans and talking everyday again….. he disappeared and stopped taking my calls. It felt like my heart broke and I didn’t understand why. I enjoyed the rest of my time in India with a heavy heart and came back to NY. He never reached out to apologize.  Fast forward to summer of 2018, I was on vacation in Jamaica and had a dream about him. I thought it was very random because I didn’t think about him anymore and I didn’t miss him like that. The day after the dream he texted me. My jaw was on the floor. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was determined to get back with me and apologized for what he did. He said he got nervous about meeting my mom as he still wasn’t ready to be in a serious commitment. However I didn’t even ask for that. I wanted to meet even as friends and I do understand in my culture meeting a guy or girls parents is a huge deal. He should have told me about what he was feeling, not run away like a little boy. I could have met him without my mom. I was angry and upset at what he did. We started talking regularly and he convinced me he was in it for the long run this time. He said he wasn’t happy with out me and was ready to be committed and serious. We planned a future together, I stressed about meeting as it was even more important now than ever. He promised he would visit me at the end of summer in August. We fell back in love and life seemed perfect, we talked about me moving to India to be with him. At least for a few years and then he would think about moving to ny. This was a huge step for me, I could never imagine leaving NY let alone the country I grew up in. But for some reason, when it came to him, nothing mattered. I felt I would be happy anywhere as long as it was with him. We did have a few huddles to get through. He FaceTimed with my mom, I spoke to his mom. Things did go progressively fast. For me, I was sure about him, meeting was just a formality, I didn’t care what he looked like. I was in love with who he was. He did voice to me that he wasn’t ok with me being social or going out with my friends late at night. He mentioned to me the photos I had on Facebook weren’t appropriate. That if his parents see them, they would have an opinion about me, not a good one. I just want to make it clear that I don’t dress provocatively. These are pictures with a little cleavage, bathing suit or a drink in my hand. I never thought anyone would ever have an issue with these photos, I have my entire family on Facebook. I was so in love with him, I didn’t want something so stupid to create issues. I deactivated all of my social media platforms. To me I was more than happy to do so, they didn’t matter, he did. I stopped going out so late with my girl friends to make him happy. He made me happy too. I felt like he really did love me….. until one day he started acting standoffish out of no where and two days later, he broke up with me… while I was at work. So what I said about my heart breaking when he didn’t meet me India, that wasn’t heart break compared to this. I was devastated. I wasn’t angry, I was confused. I didn’t know what happened in a matter of 3-4 days. I felt like my life was turned upside down. I started having anxiety attacks. I cried and cried, trying to make him talk to me, but he didn’t. Almost begging him not to do this. I reached a breaking point and decided to have some self respect. I wrote him a long letter, saying everything I wanted and also giving him a piece of my mind. Once I sent him the letter, I blocked his number and blocked him from all social media. I was done this time for good. Or so I thought.

When something so devastating to you happens, it changes you for life. I found myself questioning everything about myself… my looks, my actions, my words, pictures I posted, and my personality. I didn’t understand anything or why he did what he did. I had no closure.
A month ago, I unblocked him and added him back on fb. I was thinking about him and thought I was ready for some closure. Once again he was excited to hear from me. I found it weird that he started talking to me like nothing had happened. I questioned him about why he did what he did. His answer was because his older sister needs to get married first. Which in Indian culture is normal, however it’s something not all families follow. I have a younger brother, I would never expect this from him, especially when he found someone he loves. We started talking once again but it wasn’t like before, I had a wall up. I started noticing things about him that I might have ignored being blindly in love.
I realized if a person didn’t love me enough to explain themselves to me or share their thoughts then that person wasn’t for me. He was telling me that he knows he put me through pain but it was the same for him. As if it made what he did ok. Every time I’d want to talk about what he did, he told me I can’t take your lectures and to stop bringing up the past over and over, when I was just trying to get some closure. We did start talking everyday and out of habit we’re falling back into how things were.  This time I wasn’t all in as I used to be. I had doubts. I didn’t trust him anymore. A part of me still loved him and even after everything he’s done to me, I still wanted somehow to make this work. A part of me had this animosity towards him, I didn’t understand how you can do the things he did to someone you claim you love. We were just friends this time but it felt like we were more. But we kept reminding each other, his sister still has to get married and I was scared to be hurt again.
I went away for the weekend for my friends birthday. I still kept in touch with him and talked to him while I could. One night I was tipsy and he called and said oh you have time to talk to me now. I said we are just friends right? I felt like he gets mad if I don’t make him my number one priority, however he’s never made me his.
When I returned from the trip I called him to talk about what happened and he initially ignored my calls. When he answered, he made me feel bad about not calling him all the time while I was away. He then said to me, a future with you looks tough. He started talking about how I dress and go out again. About how he’s “traditional”. My family is very traditional, they never tried to limit what I wear or do. He made me feel I dress inappropriate, and I was not in sync with my culture. For the first time rather then pleasing him, I was upset about him telling me loved me but he didn’t love what I wear or do? So how do you love me? He said there’s no future because we are different people. I said ok, I won’t argue if you don’t want me.  I just don’t know what to do, I feel like he didn’t want to be rejected because he felt I was distant and decided to break things off even as friends. I wished him a good life and said this is the last time. Everything is over forever now. We said goodbye. I can’t help but feel upset. I don’t know why he keeps taking things further when he has no intentions of being with me. Do you feel he was right in what he did? Was I wrong? I’m just confused, not looking for validation but to maybe get a different perspective, if there is one.

• This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.