Foster mom was admitted into the hospital and will have to have major surgery due to fluid around heart, and spend a few days there.

I saw on her chart online that the doctor discussed a dnr and incubation options if her heart were to stop…but she agreed that she would like to be resuscitated if possible.

I feel like she may not make it.
Everyday, I watch her decline in many ways and it’s tough seeing her like that.

I don’t know what would happen….if I lost her…especially in a tragic way..jeopardizing her peace..but it’s all tragic…for everyone…all stages of life..

Just today…she looked at me very defeated, deflated, and depressed and said that she’s old and probably doesn’t have much time left to live.

There was such terrible confusion about the seriousness of her condition and when she should go to the hospital being relayed differently by her doctor’s. It was terrifying and unnerving for she, I, and the rest of her family. One said she’ll be fine and it can wait until next week that it’s nothing serious, another said that she needs to be admitted to the hospital asap.
Eventually she was told to go to the hospital asap.

She’s been in there 3 days now, and just had surgery today to place a pericardial drain. The chart online is saying more fluid than normal is being collected in the bag. I found out that could be due to traumas and unrelated serious health issues…and that’s a very dangerous thing.

Who knows what will happen. Something deep inside of me is telling me that she’s not coming home.

I remembered about a month before someone around where I reside passed…He sat parked in his car drinking and thinking for many hours..

One time, I helped him into his house because he was too intoxicated to open his door. Luckily his wife was there..
I hope that she was kind to him during those days.

I feel like I’m losing a never ending battle…