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It’s difficult to communicate with my bf and it drives me crazy.

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryIt’s difficult to communicate with my bf and it drives me crazy.

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  • #412721
    Arin
    Participant

    Hi, i am new here and i want to seek help from everyone regarding my problem. First of all, i am from non English speaking country so please bear with me with my story and i apologize if i delivery it badly.

    I met my bf 2 years ago and he is from England, and 48yo. We have 18 years gap between me and him. He is older than me. I mention this because this also might be one of the reason why we have problem on how we say things that matters.  My bf decided to have an early retirement as he has some business in his home country, so he lives in my country.

    On earlier of relationship, we getting along fine, we have a lot of to talk about and i feel more connected to him. Since we live together, everyday become less and less conversation, we only have 30 minutes talk everyday. I just realise that we barely don’t have anything in common. he likes gardening, english politics, and formula 1 or motoGP. i have no interest on those and he rarely respond to my daily story or anything that interest me at all.

    i become lost in this situation and it gets harder when we have an argument. He always play victims and twist what i said and i can’t deal with his sarcastic comment. my brain start to heat up and my heart pump so fast when he said everything to make me feel really bad. He apologise sarcastically and doesn’t want to try to understand what i said. i told him that i find difficult to talk when i am in anger as English is not my first language. i have to think what to say and translate it in the way that he could understand instead he pick some words and twist it to make me feel bad.

    what should i do?

     

    #412743
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arin:

    You wrote that it is “difficult to communicate” with your boyfriend because of the language barrier and the two of you having different interests. But there are a few things that he did communicate to you clearly:

    (1) “He always play victim“- people play victims in every country, every language, it’s a way to unfairly control another person, and that’s what he does, how he operates.

    (2) “He .. twists what I said“- he twists what you say to fit his agenda, right? This too is done in every country and in every language. It is crazy-making when people twist what you say, isn’t it?

    (3) “I can’t deal with his sarcastic comments… said everything to make me feel really bad. He apologizes sarcastically and doesn’t want to try to understand what I said“- it’s miserable to live with someone who doesn’t even try to understand you, then attacks you with sarcasm and intentionally tries to make you feel bad. It is like living with an enemy, not a friend (or a lover), isn’t it?

    what should I do?“- I am thinking that you should leave him. You live with him: if you leave him, will you need to be the one to move out, and do you have anywhere to move to?

    anita

    #412736
    FisherRsen
    Participant
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