July 24, 2014 at 8:16 pm #61699
It’s getting to hard now I realize how big mistake I had done . Not listening to my guru , he is probably gonna think I’m bad . I was the one asking forgiveness and didn’t even try listening to him god I made him so pissed of . He will never forgive me as long as I stay in my country I will surely die of this incident . Each passing day,it’s getting harder and harder . God I’m always scared what’s gonna happen to my life . God help me he thinks I’m bad nun . God why did I went there for second time if only I hadn’t been there life would be much easier . God help meJuly 24, 2014 at 8:37 pm #61702MattParticipant
From “Joan of Arcadia”:
God : “Everyone has a part of themselves they don’t like, Joan. You carry it around like a weight. The lucky ones realize, when it gets too heavy, you can choose to set it down. That’s when you can see things the way they really are. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”
Its within, dear sister, you really would do well to focus your attention on stopping your grasping at the guru/his feelings/his perceptions. They hold no secrets for you, its all trash. Take it out, dummy, flies are everywhere!
MattJuly 24, 2014 at 10:02 pm #61704
It’s what I have done is so bad , if only I had let it be the first time then things will be easier . It’s so hard thinking I could have prevented it if only i had enough courage to share it with my family . Now it’s so out of hand . It’s such a horrible sin that I had done . Now after all this I don’t want to stay as nun god help me . It’s getting to tough . I am involving everyone on this god please show me the way I can’t do anything about it .July 24, 2014 at 10:07 pm #61705
I know at any given moment I can decide this is not how my life’s gonna end but see there is nothing with me to take a step and go somewhere to start a fresh . I wish I could ,but unfortunately I am stuck all this year I have live in monastery I don’t have anything not a degree or a penny in my pocket . God help me get through this .July 25, 2014 at 7:03 am #61734MattParticipant
Stop lamenting, foolish girl! Breathe, sit, look around you. Drop the future, stop running there, its empty, blank. Joy is here and now, strength is here and now, and Rewa is not here and now. So Rewa is appearing as weak, stupid, dark, entrenched.
Instead, here, now. Come here. Wake up. Look around. Joy rests in your perceptions, buddhahood a breath away from your mind. Home, abroad, monastery, it wouldn’t matter. Unsettled mind is unsettled mind. Stop trying to escape your karma, just breathe. If you want out, if you want to settle this, become free, its time to break the timber.
Step away, set it down, and aim better. Look for a way that you can make the world a better place, right now, and go do that. And again. And again. Mostly hugs, a little scrubbing here, a smile there. Learn to find peace in generous service. Fake it till you make it, natural dharmic process. Its your way out sister, so stop complaining and do it. Don’t forget to include yourself as a being you tend gently.
Consider “Bhante Gunaratana guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. As much authenticity as you can, like clinging to a raft in choppy waters. Don’t despair, dear sister, I have faith in you, and so do others, seeing you, knowing you, loving you. You have to try, it has to grow on your side. We cant help if you push our love away. Its real, let it in. Others have felt this way, many of us, and sister, I have. Clouds of lighting. Its just empty, fuel, fertility, wakes you up. But you have to try, throw yourself against the fire and pass through it. Don’t be afraid, you’re a Buddha.
Sorry if anything stung, running little low on keys. Feel free to leave an email address, as I can see nothing skillful left to say to you, here.
MattJuly 25, 2014 at 9:31 am #61744
You have so beautiful mind ,if only I could be like you. I am holding onto past so hard that I can’t live in present moment , i m always hoping to do something on future , I forgot to live in present . Its getting so hard not being true to myself letting some emotional getting in a way and disrupt all my happiness .i feel sorry for myself for being such a stupid . Anyway my mail address is email@example.com please sent me mail so I can work on myself for betterment. Thank you