- This topic has 26 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 1 week ago by
anita.
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December 1, 2022 at 8:57 pm #411082
LemonTree
ParticipantHi Bananananananer
I thought I have replied to this post. Unfortunately I have responded to another person instead. Sorry about that. The two of you have shared similar experiences so I thought the answer that I posted on the other thread might be useful here.
Sorry about that, as I was extremely tired after writing the response. It was my first one, and it was a late night so I was really tired and confused. I really wanted to share the experience with you so hope it could be useful in some ways.
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Hi,
I am new to this forum and I was looking at some of the topics. I found yours from a while back and I am wondering how you are doing.
Hopefully things have worked out on your end. If not, and if you still want to chat about your experience we can do it here.
I saw some similarities between you and me in the sense that some of the jobs that I had in the past did not last long and I feel like I am such a disappointment.
However over time I have realized that people who share similar experiences are the ones that are often sensible (as opposed to “sensitive” to criticisms) and perhaps level headed, so we often find ourselves in situations where we have conflicts with the ones higher up. Also we are the ones that hold the truths and will stand our grounds, as it gives us inner peace.
But things don’t always work out and we find ourselves in unfortunate circumstances such as yours (e.g. even being “blacklisted”) and despite our best intentions we might be labelled as “antisocial”, “problematic” or “non-team players” trying to be the “backseat driver”.
Or “failing the job miserably” even though we see the values of our contributions.
For me I have found myself in a rut and I wasn’t making any progress despite my best efforts. That brought me back to a really dark place where I felt really depressed.
With the encouragement from my partner I knew that I had to break this cycle of shame and self-pity. I had to do better than that.
The first step I took was to recognize the fact that I didn’t fit into the organisations where I (or my parents or society) thought I would belong. I don’t need to be “higher up” to have self worth. I have learned the fact that the most outspoken ones on social media, and the ones with the most “successful” stories are not representative of all of our experiences.
The ones that don’t “fit in” would naturally “fit into” their own groups where they belong. This doesn’t normally happen on social media, for example, so if this is where you’re looking for support then you probably won’t meet the people of your kind. At least that is what I have learned.
You have to know where to find your people that will see your worth. Even if you don’t know where they are, by being yourself and trusting your gut, you are making huge steps that will lead you to the right direction.
It could be something as small as, for example, me walking around the neighbourhood to look for signs that someone is hiring, when everyone else is either on LinkedIn or sending their applications through the main recruitment sites which have failed me many times.
There are expectations for me to be there on par with the higher ups due to my academic background. However I choose to be simple and I want to work at a local store where I can make friends and be happy with my life. So I need to change my attitude, not only through the words that I use verbally and in writing, but through my mind.
By changing my mind I see where the opportunities are in places that I wasn’t even looking when I had too much going on in my mind. It turns out that the shop manager has been looking for someone for a long time but could not find anyone, probably because they do not have good marketing skills.
However I was the person that they’re looking for. It was a dream job for me, and I really wanted that. No one ever noticed that there was a small piece of paper on the shop window saying they’re hiring someone and the advert looked like scam.
Despite their horrible writing skills I thought there might be a chance so I tried and I got the job, something that I really liked. I am still not sure if I am going to quit.. hopefully not.
I guess you just need to focus on the good, and be honest with yourself about your situation. Look at the bigger picture – why is there a mismatch between what you see and what you think others would think of you?
What went wrong?
Have honest conversations with yourself and explain to yourself why that should or shouldn’t be the case. Don’t lie to yourself. Because if you cover it up with lies it will come back to you. You won’t like the job and that is one of the main consequences.
What is holding you back? What are the insecurities that you must face if you want to find something that you like and stay in the job?
I think you might have some answers for yourself. Sometimes it takes time to grow and learn about yourself as well.
I do not personally think that it has anything to do with ADHD as I do not agree that anyone should be defined, or limited, by any diagnosis that they have received at any point in their life which could well just be an opinion of an expert that is not approved by other experts that have other opinions
January 19, 2023 at 7:41 am #414107Ivan
ParticipantDear Bananananananer,
I am experiencing the same, i’ve quit 8 jobs the whole year 2022, plus 3 in 2021,upon reading your post, i am at the very same situation you had right now, i keep on convincing my self that there is a reason for me to quit to ghe point of i became very good at making excuses why i need to quit to my wife and family.
January 19, 2023 at 8:54 am #414123Anonymous
Guest* Dear Ivan:
I hope that the original poster replies to you after not being active here for over a year. If you would like to receive replies from other members, you are welcome to start your own thread by going to FORUMS at the top of the page, select ALL FORUMS, choose a Category, and take it from there.
anita
June 20, 2023 at 10:21 am #420193@
ParticipantDear Anonymous Anita*,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>
I would greatly appreciate some feed back from methods mentioned during this discussion on mindfulness, as well as using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) techniques and exercises. Like the original posting member (Banananananer), I walk from jobs and it’s becoming an issue. I will start a new thread titled —The service, the job and the work.I hope to hear from you.</p>
@
July 21, 2023 at 2:26 pm #420914anhel
ParticipantWriting essays is an integral part of academic life, enabling students to express their ideas, analyze information, and communicate effectively. Essays provide an opportunity for critical thinking, research, and the development of coherent arguments. Through the process of writing essays, students refine their writing skills, expand their knowledge on various subjects, and enhance their ability to present information in a structured manner. Essays foster creativity, encourage independent thought, and promote self-expression. Moreover, writing essays helps students develop essential skills such as research, analysis, organization, and persuasive communication, which are transferable to various professional settings. Whether it’s a persuasive essay, a research paper, or a reflective piece, writing essays is a valuable exercise that supports academic growth and nurtures intellectual development.
July 21, 2023 at 2:26 pm #420913anhel
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July 21, 2023 at 2:33 pm #420912anhel
ParticipantI think its ok. I am a current college student and study math in college.
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December 4, 2023 at 4:23 pm #425814Marnie28
ParticipantHello there, I know this is a very old post but I came across it and felt the need to reply. I feel the exact same way you do, the social anxiety, the ADHD, the feeling of utter despair at any job. I am currently a year and a half into unemployment by choice, after having quit my job at a company I had worked at for nearly ten years. I have learned to procure savings to keep me afloat during these episodes of impulsiveness. I am starting to apply for work but I can’t help but wonder if the feeling of being trapped will resurface again. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story, it helps to feel understood because I don’t know anybody else who is this way.
December 4, 2023 at 4:56 pm #425816anita
ParticipantDear Marnie:
I hope that you receive a reply or two on this thread. If you would like, you are welcome to start your own thread here by going to Forums at the tope of the page, scroll down to All Forums, choose a category and go from there.
anita
March 27, 2024 at 8:42 am #430212Lorelei Firefly
ParticipantHello Bananananananer, ( had to copy and paste that from a different comment lol)
Firstly, how are you? I see that this post was originally made in 2021, so maybe you don’t need anymore advice by this point. However, maybe someone else could benefit from seeing this?
Anyway, I also have ADHD, diagnosed in adulthood and I have been experiencing the same thing as well. This feeling of WANTING to work, WANTING that stability and normalcy but for some reason, I LITERALLY can’t make myself stay at a job. I’ve experienced ADHD paralysis before, too, but for some reason this is different. It started about 2 years ago for me. Before that, I had held a pretty good paying job for almost 5 years. I’d gotten raises and promotions at this job and was more financially stable than I’d been probably… Ever. We’d always struggled to have enough money for anything all throughout my chives anks gusta had continued into my adulthood as well. Until, that is, I landed this particular job. While I was working, I told myself that I would never struggle that way again. Then all of a sudden, I started feeling lower and lower at my job. I was so stressed out, easily aggravated and depressed. I was sad all the time. I couldn’t sleep and never had energy for anything. Depression and anxiety were not new to me but for some reason I found that it was becoming more and more difficult to wake up each day and function, let alone go to work. In fact, it felt impossible. I started feeling this… Dread every time I had to go to work. It got to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I would cry before work because I knew I had to go in. So I quit. Ended up getting a job I really liked, working at the zoo. The job had it’s good and bad parts, like all jobs. But it was fun and unique to get to take a trip to the Zoo for free every day. Until the dread started again. This time, though, it started extremely soon… Only 2 weeks in. The dread and stress got too much again so I eventually quit that job too. Afterwards, I spent the next 2 years going from job to job, thinking maybe if only I could find a job that I could love and stick with that I’d be alright.
I thought maybe it was a sign from the universe. Maybe now I was supposed to be finding my calling, the thing I was meant to do, then I could stay. Then I could get stable again. Bills were piling up and I was months behind on my rent. Once again I was in that place of never having enough money for anything and being on the verge of eviction. And I was more depressed than ever and wondering every day if any of this was worth it. Then I came across a job that made me feel like it was my calling: Pet play specialist at a pet daycare. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. All day I got to play with dogs and cats and get paid for it! It was and still is the best job I have ever had. I came alive at that job and did actually realize that working with animals WAS my calling. I still feel this way. I started to have hope again because I was happy. I felt so lucky because I felt that THIS is where the universe was trying to lead me. That it WAS actually all for a reason.
But I was wrong because after only about 2 weeks, the dread returned. Now I would cry in the bathroom before work because I DID NOT want to leave this job. This was supposed to be the job that I was meant for. The job that I could stay at and have some semblance of normalcy again. But a few days later, I sat on my bed in my work clothes, and I just couldn’t make my feet go towards the door. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t move. It was like ADHD paralysis turned up to freaking 10. I never made it to work that day and I never went back. I cried so much that day because what was wrong with me? Everyone I talked to, even my psychiatrist, just wasn’t able to understand. Why can’t you just tough it out like the rest of us? No one wants to go to work. You gotta do what you gotta do. I couldn’t explain why I couldn’t just do what I had to do anymore cause I just didn’t know how to. I couldn’t understand why I’d been able to hold a job before, even work 3 jobs at once before but I couldn’t now. What had happened to my work ethic? I’d gotten myself out of poverty before, so why couldn’t I do it now? What is WRONG WITH ME???
Well, 2 years, like a million jobs, and 1 eviction later, I am living full time in a camper RV with no power, no water and no sewage. I’m in a completely different state and still can’t make myself stay at a job. I’ve tried multiple different antidepressants and ADHD medicine, but I still couldn’t hold a job. I was really starting to feel like I was cursed or something. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I stumbled on a forum where there’s a person saying that they’ve been going through something similar. They can’t keep a job to save their life and I’d thought I was pretty much the only person going through something like this. It made me validated for the first time sense I started feeling this way. But what made me want to reply was actually a reply by another person. Someone named Anita. They mentioned something about intense long term anxiety damaging the nervous system, making tolerance for stressful things much lower than a regular person’s. And they talked about trying to fix it with therapy. And then, shortly after I found this forum, I see a vitamin bottle in the store that says it is essential for repairing your nervous system. Vitamin B12. I researched a bit online and found that this appears to be true. So, I thought , why not? What else do I have to lose? And started taking it. Now, I know that this not some magic cure all. It will probably take a combination of the right types of therapy, these vitamins I’ve started taking and lots of work, but I almost cried when I realized that the dread that started to creep in while working my crappy little pizza delivery job had started to ebb. Like it’s not fully gone, but my resilience while working has NOTICEABLY improved. Enough to make a difference. It’s been almost a month since I started work at not 1 but 2 part time jobs and I still haven’t quit. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that on those days where everything is stressful and life is, for lack of a better term, kicking my ass, lol I didn’t have a bit of that dread return. There has even been days where I just felt like sitting in my car and crying. But I still went to work.
I said all of this because there’s probably other people out there who feel just as hopeless as I did. They may feel that nothing makes sense right now and there’s just no way out because if you can’t work, you can’t survive in this world. It’s like you’re sandwiched between fire and lava: you can’t work but you can’t NOT work either. Now you’re stuck in the middle, stressed depressed and maybe contemplating some other way out of this hellish cycle, this system that you just don’t seem to be built for. How can I live here and have any amount of happiness when I can’t get myself out of this hole? Well, I’m telling you you can actually get out of that hole. It’s going to be tough. It’s also probably going to suck really bad for a minute too. But you CAN do it. Step by step, struggle by struggle. You can dissect your life and rebuild it the way you need, the way you WANT.
Start small and work your way up. Research vitamin deficiencies and what they cause. Research therapy types and which ones help with which traumas. Look up grants, or programs and resources online that may be available to you. We are not yet a success story. But years from now when you look back at how far you’ve come, you’ll be so proud.
Don’t give up!
March 27, 2024 at 6:37 pm #430262anita
ParticipantDear Lorelei Firefly:
“what made me want to reply was actually a reply by another person. Someone named Anita. They mentioned something about intense long term anxiety damaging the nervous system..“- this is me, the anita you referred to. I would like to attentively read your post and reply tomorrow, Thurs morning (it’s Wed evening here)
anita
March 28, 2024 at 12:31 pm #430290anita
ParticipantDear Lorelei Firefly:
I read your whole post: inspiring! I hope that other members read it as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story, encouraging and inspiring others who struggle.
I want to quote some of what you shared and comment on it: “I started feeling this… Dread every time I had to go to work. It got to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I would cry before work because I knew I had to go in. So I quit. Ended up getting a job I really liked, working at the zoo… it was fun and unique to get to take a trip to the Zoo for free every day. Until the dread started again. This time, though, it started extremely soon… Only 2 weeks in. The dread and stress got too much again so I eventually quit that job too… Then I came across a job that made me feel like it was my calling: Pet play specialist at a pet daycare. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. All day I got to play with dogs and cats and get paid for it! It was and still is the best job I have ever had… I felt so lucky because I felt that THIS is where the universe was trying to lead me… But I was wrong because after only about 2 weeks, the dread returned… I sat on my bed in my work clothes, and I just couldn’t make my feet go towards the door. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t move… I never made it to work that day and I never went back. I cried so much that day because what was wrong with me? Everyone I talked to, even my psychiatrist, just wasn’t able to understand…“-
– this is an excellent testimony for anyone with (internal) anxiety, such as is involved in the condition of ADHD, who are looking for an external solution, such as getting just the right job, living in just the right location (city, country), marrying just the right person… and all will be well.
In reality, it takes both internal and external problem solving and work so to function better in life (such as being able to hold on to a job).
Reading your testimony makes me understand better that although my nervous system was indeed damaged by decades-long anxiety, it is not completely damaged, and a good part of it can be helped and improved: some healing can be done.
“My resilience while working has NOTICEABLY improved. Enough to make a difference… There has even been days where I just felt like sitting in my car and crying. But I still went to work“- congratulations, and please keep doing what is working for you, and finding new ways to help yourself, when needed.
Again, thank you, and I hope to read more from you on this topic or any other, anytime, if you feel like posting.
anita
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