December 1, 2022 at 8:57 pm #411082LemonTreeParticipant
I thought I have replied to this post. Unfortunately I have responded to another person instead. Sorry about that. The two of you have shared similar experiences so I thought the answer that I posted on the other thread might be useful here.
Sorry about that, as I was extremely tired after writing the response. It was my first one, and it was a late night so I was really tired and confused. I really wanted to share the experience with you so hope it could be useful in some ways.
I am new to this forum and I was looking at some of the topics. I found yours from a while back and I am wondering how you are doing.
Hopefully things have worked out on your end. If not, and if you still want to chat about your experience we can do it here.
I saw some similarities between you and me in the sense that some of the jobs that I had in the past did not last long and I feel like I am such a disappointment.
However over time I have realized that people who share similar experiences are the ones that are often sensible (as opposed to “sensitive” to criticisms) and perhaps level headed, so we often find ourselves in situations where we have conflicts with the ones higher up. Also we are the ones that hold the truths and will stand our grounds, as it gives us inner peace.
But things don’t always work out and we find ourselves in unfortunate circumstances such as yours (e.g. even being “blacklisted”) and despite our best intentions we might be labelled as “antisocial”, “problematic” or “non-team players” trying to be the “backseat driver”.
Or “failing the job miserably” even though we see the values of our contributions.
For me I have found myself in a rut and I wasn’t making any progress despite my best efforts. That brought me back to a really dark place where I felt really depressed.
With the encouragement from my partner I knew that I had to break this cycle of shame and self-pity. I had to do better than that.
The first step I took was to recognize the fact that I didn’t fit into the organisations where I (or my parents or society) thought I would belong. I don’t need to be “higher up” to have self worth. I have learned the fact that the most outspoken ones on social media, and the ones with the most “successful” stories are not representative of all of our experiences.
The ones that don’t “fit in” would naturally “fit into” their own groups where they belong. This doesn’t normally happen on social media, for example, so if this is where you’re looking for support then you probably won’t meet the people of your kind. At least that is what I have learned.
You have to know where to find your people that will see your worth. Even if you don’t know where they are, by being yourself and trusting your gut, you are making huge steps that will lead you to the right direction.
It could be something as small as, for example, me walking around the neighbourhood to look for signs that someone is hiring, when everyone else is either on LinkedIn or sending their applications through the main recruitment sites which have failed me many times.
There are expectations for me to be there on par with the higher ups due to my academic background. However I choose to be simple and I want to work at a local store where I can make friends and be happy with my life. So I need to change my attitude, not only through the words that I use verbally and in writing, but through my mind.
By changing my mind I see where the opportunities are in places that I wasn’t even looking when I had too much going on in my mind. It turns out that the shop manager has been looking for someone for a long time but could not find anyone, probably because they do not have good marketing skills.
However I was the person that they’re looking for. It was a dream job for me, and I really wanted that. No one ever noticed that there was a small piece of paper on the shop window saying they’re hiring someone and the advert looked like scam.
Despite their horrible writing skills I thought there might be a chance so I tried and I got the job, something that I really liked. I am still not sure if I am going to quit.. hopefully not.
I guess you just need to focus on the good, and be honest with yourself about your situation. Look at the bigger picture – why is there a mismatch between what you see and what you think others would think of you?
What went wrong?
Have honest conversations with yourself and explain to yourself why that should or shouldn’t be the case. Don’t lie to yourself. Because if you cover it up with lies it will come back to you. You won’t like the job and that is one of the main consequences.
What is holding you back? What are the insecurities that you must face if you want to find something that you like and stay in the job?
I think you might have some answers for yourself. Sometimes it takes time to grow and learn about yourself as well.
I do not personally think that it has anything to do with ADHD as I do not agree that anyone should be defined, or limited, by any diagnosis that they have received at any point in their life which could well just be an opinion of an expert that is not approved by other experts that have other opinionsJanuary 19, 2023 at 7:41 am #414107IvanParticipant
I am experiencing the same, i’ve quit 8 jobs the whole year 2022, plus 3 in 2021,upon reading your post, i am at the very same situation you had right now, i keep on convincing my self that there is a reason for me to quit to ghe point of i became very good at making excuses why i need to quit to my wife and family.January 19, 2023 at 8:54 am #414123AnonymousGuest
* Dear Ivan:
I hope that the original poster replies to you after not being active here for over a year. If you would like to receive replies from other members, you are welcome to start your own thread by going to FORUMS at the top of the page, select ALL FORUMS, choose a Category, and take it from there.
anitaJune 20, 2023 at 10:21 am #420193@Participant
Dear Anonymous Anita*,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>
I would greatly appreciate some feed back from methods mentioned during this discussion on mindfulness, as well as using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) techniques and exercises. Like the original posting member (Banananananer), I walk from jobs and it’s becoming an issue. I will start a new thread titled —The service, the job and the work.
I hope to hear from you.</p>
@July 21, 2023 at 2:26 pm #420914
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I think its ok. I am a current college student and study math in college.
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Hello there, I know this is a very old post but I came across it and felt the need to reply. I feel the exact same way you do, the social anxiety, the ADHD, the feeling of utter despair at any job. I am currently a year and a half into unemployment by choice, after having quit my job at a company I had worked at for nearly ten years. I have learned to procure savings to keep me afloat during these episodes of impulsiveness. I am starting to apply for work but I can’t help but wonder if the feeling of being trapped will resurface again. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story, it helps to feel understood because I don’t know anybody else who is this way.December 4, 2023 at 4:56 pm #425816anitaParticipant
I hope that you receive a reply or two on this thread. If you would like, you are welcome to start your own thread here by going to Forums at the tope of the page, scroll down to All Forums, choose a category and go from there.