Jumped the gun ….

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    I recently met a woman at a club where my son is a musician(drummer). She had moved to a seat near me to avoid overhearing a conversation gone sour near her. We exchanged names and talked for the rest of the evening. I felt a spark in that the eye contact and ease of chatting seemed so natural. We “cozied” up during the evening whispering in each other’s ears and holding hands tightly. Nothing too serious. I walked her to her car and kissed her goodnight and we talked about seeing each other over the next couple of days (her days off). I sent texts to her asking when and where we could reconnect. No response and then a flurry of texts from her asking me where I was and she thought I was avoiding her rather than the other way around. Confusing to say the least ! I sent more texts and emails and received responses for the most part. The following week I texted that we might meet again at the same club. No response and her voice mailbox was “full”. Ok I thought lost evening and then again came the texts “where are you”, “I want you here in front of me right now”, “I missed your call” “I’m upset you’re not here”. During the time between meeting and a week later I sent messages saying how I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I hadn’t felt this way in years and on and on. She hasn’t responded at all for more than several days now.
    I think I may have “spooked” her in a rush of feelings I couldn’t keep to myself and probably should have. I’ve spoken to some lady friends of mine looking for advice and there take has been that perhaps she thought I was moving too fast or she was playing with my feelings . If she feels this way then why not tell me and end this dilemna ! She is quite a bit younger than I but, that was no factor at all the night we met and communicated afterwards.
    I recently read a quote that says…” We met for a reason, it was either a blessing or a lesson ” I think it was both !!
    Help ? Advice ??


    Paul I think you should relax. You had a great night, you have no idea who is woman is, because you don’t really know her. The illusion of her is great, but you don’t know her. She seems airy, and if I was you I would not put too much into this, because again, you don’t know her. My advice is, back off, you have done your part and she clearly knows that you are very interested in seeing her again. Back off a bit, and let her get to you. See if she suggests something or you just might meet her again the same place. Don’t let someone who you have met for so short control so much of you. I know the connection might have felt outer worldy, but just be cautious.


    I agree Chloe… Some girls love to play with a mans heart and getting attention back. You don’t know this girl well enough and unless she gives you the time to hang out then she isn’t taking things too seriously. There’s no reason why someone can’t respond to a text even if its a day or two later. That alone should be hint she can’t be taken too seriously.

    You’ve jumped the gun on expressing your feelings for this girl and now she probably feels she won you over all too easy. Lay off and let her come spend time with you to show that she really cares and respects you. Once again, you don’t know this girl so don’t let her play games with you.


    Paul, when I read your post, I didn’t think you declaring your feelings had anything to do with it. (Of course you don’t elaborate as to what “on and on” means; perhaps you came on a bit strong). She sounds flaky and like she runs hot and cold. She also seems rather demanding – she doesn’t always respond when you initiate the texts but then when she wants to communicate with you she expects to hear from you immediately. I don’t know how much younger than you she is, but it could be a sign of immaturity, or at the very least a somewhat self-centered personality. It seems like you may have dodged a bullet here. I’m with the others – the ball is in her court now. She knows how to reach you. As long as you reel in your expectations a bit, you may develop a relationship with her if it’s meant to be. If not, you’ll have the nice memories of connecting with someone for a night.

    For what it’s worth, I appreciate a man who is open with his feelings as I’m sure many other ladies do as well. Granted, I would be skeptical if a guy were wanting to make wedding plans or naming our future children after one night together, but I think it would be flattering to be told a man hasn’t felt this way in years. Sometimes you do just make that connection and feel it and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expressing it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You may find another woman who shares your feelings right off the bat. As long as you’re honest and genuine, I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it.

    Good luck!

    Big blue

    Hi Paul,

    I feel for you on this. I’m sure you know you are not alone. I’ve had a brief time like this once.

    Your timing is good – I was going to post domething and the heading might include impulse control. Sometimes I – we move very certainly on an impulse. Why? How can we govern ourselves better?

    The other comments above make a lot of sense – from Kelly, Jon and Chloé.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Big blue.
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