Ohwell,

Congrats on your enlightenment and shit, eating and pooping as it were. Consider that perhaps you have a little judgment for your wife, some consideration of her as less developed, and perhaps this leads you to undervalue her. My wife is similar to yours, in that she doesn’t necessarily dive headfirst into the fractalverse and attempt to sail. Instead, she butters the toast, sings her song, and steps forward with courage where she is, with what she sees. When I overinflate the value of being “awake” or a “spiritual dude”, when I look at her, I see her wrinkles and folds as distracting, mushy, ugly. When I have an appropriate consideration for what is actually sharing peace, sharing joy, opening the space, and whatnot, I can very clearly see how sparkling and magical she really is.

Perhaps she can’t quote Buddha, but her light very clearly is shared with others.

Another thing that came to heart is that you seem to have an adversarial view of your behaviors. Consider that the allure of another woman isn’t for “no reason” or even “bad reasons”, just exactly the reasons they are there. In my opinion, your view has placed a veil between you two, such as your texting and hugging of another. In your mind, this places a distance between you two, because she knows you less. So, you feel less confident just being who you are, of inviting her into your sacred garden, of becoming one in mind, body and spirit. This sharing is very reasonably wanted on your side, and so you seek it elsewhere. Sometimes other women, perhaps food, wine, movies, sporting events or whatever. Something real and tangably connected to you.

There is no shame in what you’ve been doing, dear brother. Consider that you have a choice, however. If what you’re seeking is genuine connection, then you have to stop the deception and betrayal. (Even in the gentle shades you describe, its troubling to your spirit). Said differently, If you want to find a deeper feeling of being at home with your wife, cut the crap. Figure out what it is that this other woman provides that you’re not finding at home, and ask for it, look for it, grow it. She is far stronger and more alert than you give her credit is my guess.

Or, if it isn’t what you’re looking for, do her the honor of letting her find someone that does love to sing along with her tune. Its true, you can’t force a person to grow, and it is not in our righteous desire to force people to grow. But neither are we stuck, destined to live out some dissonant pattern because there is no way out. There is always a path to joy, brother, and it almost always takes a ton of courage.

That being said, this path isn’t about either of the women, not really. Its about you and your peace of mind. Making decisions that honor others is better for us, less troubling, less disturbing. So, when I say “stop keeping one foot in and one foot out” isn’t because I see you as doing your wife an injustice, its because you’re doing yourself an injustice.

Namaste, brother, may you find peace and light.

With warmth,
Matt

Hello der…! i guess u r too much thinking on this issue…u r alreay on a great path n that too very early..i must say that ! hope u get more clear with yourself in future… all j need to say is that… we all are humans…we need love… sometimes attention , advise, friendships,care,is misinterpret as love or may say attraction ! You must see ur wife..she is your better half.. anyone whos ur acquaintence should not be so imp. or may say be der on your mind any time! And may be des feelings are just d part of help u want to do to her… I guess more thinking would give u more clarity… i wud just advise..please be Honest towards dat wonderful lady who is your wife… rest no one is important in comparison with her ! 🙂