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Just trying to vent my feelings

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Peggy 1 month ago.

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  • #317459

    Daniel
    Participant

    There´s really no reason I am writing this. I just want to confess to someone about what´s happening in my life lately.
    For last year I was and maybe still I am in the most beautiful relationship I ever had. There were troubles but we overcame them together. I always felt depressed or like I am not enough, unhappy with boringness in my life. Never made girlfriends and friends easily, but somehow found a way to them. Like by a miracle.

    For last 3 years I was in this group of friends. I found my girlfriend there and became best friends for 2 years until we became couple exactly year ago on this day. Last week we had very bad arguments about very stupid thing, which even though is stupid for me, for her is it not. She didnt like me talking to a certain girl, even if she is our common friend. I was talking to her and told my GF, because I didnt wanted to lie. It was only for a while. Short 10 minute conversation, but because of this she will probaly break up with me and now went with her ex to some caffé or what. Which really broke my heart because today is our anniversary and she is with her ex somewhere.

    When comes to that group, I stopped liking them while ago, beacuse some of them always saying mean things about each other including me. Only thing that holds me with them is my GF. But if we will break up I want to leave this group, I dont want to part of them any more. I dont feel good around them. Also her ex is part of them and if something happens I dont want to see them together. But he had to see us together and he managed to do it and I feel weak that I wouldnt be able to.

    Also I am in new school where I am studying mechanical engineering at uni. But its hard and I feel like I am failing, I dont have any friends there, every weak I am alone, sit alone, eat alone. I have great roommate but I see him only on evening. Only reason I was managing it was because I couldnt wait to see my girlfriend. But my relationship is in a bad state, where she told me she doesnt want to be with me anymore. Didnt break up, just told me this and went somewhere with her ex.

    I never experienced any tragedy expect losing grandpas and grandmas. Any of my friends didnt die, never was homeless, my home is not broken, I am happy for that. But I just feel very bad right now.

    I am in school and city where I feel depressed, overwhelmed, alone. And if my relationship will end I will remain completely alone in a strange place I am not used to, Its a big city and I am from very small one. I hate the place, people are cold and feels like always busy, school is hard, I dont have time for my hobbies and myself. Now its possible that I will lose the last friends I have, even if I dont like them.

    I know that I am in some front of challenge. Some unexplored territory of becoming adult and taking responsibility for my life. And I feel so scared and dont feel like a man at all.
    I dont know how to make new friends, if I will manage to finish uni at all. What will happen next. Plus if my relationship will end I will lose my fake sense of being ok. That old feelings of not being attractive, or able to find someone. Or just the hard things I forgot for a while because of having that sense of security.

    Everything just feels so hard right now.

    #317461

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Daniel,

    Sounds like a toxic group. The girl you talked to could trigger your girlfriend that much? The ex is in the group and she goes off with him in retaliation? Well, if she does dump you, you could always hang out with the other girl! Things are awkward? Let them be awkward!

    At every university there are clubs. Join a club, even to give you a break from your studying! Thank God you have a good roommate.

    Good Luck in your major!

    Best,

    Inky

    #317467

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Daniel:

    You wrote about your girlfriend in your Oct 18, 2018 thread, almost a year ago, six days after the beginning of your romantic relationship with her. You wrote there than you were her best friend during the two years that she dated your male best friend since kindergarten.

    After her breakup from your best friend, she dropped out of University, slept in a car for a while, and attempted suicide. You spent time with her, she told you that she loved you, you fell in love with her but you were worried about “stabbing my best friend in his back”. She told you though that “ending our relationship would be the last nail in her coffin”, and you wrote that you don’t want to end that beginning relationship with her (6 days at that point) because you don’t “want to stand o her funeral”.

    Fast forward, a year later, you just had an argument with her and she went to a caffee with her ex boyfriend. You are afraid she will break up with you and you feel depressed and very lonely: “if my relationship will end I will remain completely alone”-reads like her ex boyfriend who was your best friend since early childhood is no longer your friend.

    How did he respond to the fact that you dated his ex girlfriend for a year and what happened to your friendship with him?

    anita

     

     

    #317549

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Daniel,

    You’d been together for a year, it’s your Anniversary except that she has broken up with you through jealousy of you talking to someone else.  This is not a woman worth knowing especially as she is taking revenge by going off with her ex boyfriend.  If she has suicidal tendencies then she needs to be seeking professional help.

    You say that you have a great room mate – does he have any friends that you could perhaps be introduced to?  Is there a counselor within the University that you could discuss your concerns with?  You are away from home and you are finding it difficult to adjust to City life.  Is it easy for you to visit your family during holidays or even weekends.

    It sounds to me as if you are expecting far too much of yourself.  Changes happen gradually – the transition from child to adult takes years.  Taking responsibility for yourself means taking responsibility for your own success as well as for your own failures.  You are finding University hard and you already feel as if you are failing.  You are sharing the Course with other people and they are all going to be focusing on whether or not they will make the grade. You are not alone in this.  This is a natural concern.  It is just as easy to aim for success as it is to aim for failure.  Aim to succeed and you will.  Tell yourself every morning that you aim to succeed and it will happen.  Develop a positive, mental attitude.  This will help you in all areas of your life.

    Aim to succeed, Daniel, aim to succeed.

    Peggy

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