Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Labeled Crazy
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November 4, 2013 at 5:10 am #44812JeanneParticipant
I’m bipolar, with panic and anxiety disorders. not to mention schizophrenia. I live in a world that is so very lonely, full of meds. My daughters, husband, sisters, brothers, friends all turned their backs and ran when they knew I was Bipolar. guess they were afraid of the unknown. ME. I fear leaving the house, its my safety zone. I cant cook, clean, much, if at all. my home is cluttered with things i think i need, and really do. i know that sounds like a pile of crap, but believe me, its the hardest things i can’t do. Other than cram my calendar with things to do , like many of you can. my normal is different than your normal, my reality is different than your reality, i see things, hear things, that yous will never in your whole life time. I have fought to save my life from hell and back. the manic, the depression, the roller coaster ups and downs, and the rapid recycling. i go through are enough to send me over. and it has 3 times, in 20 yrs, but im still here. What i dont get is why i have to stay in a world that is a living nightmare, I have no life at all. I wake up each morning in fear wondering who i will be today. if it will be a ok day, or bad. If the mood swings will be here or not. and what about the episodes. Will one of them sneak up on me? I would give anything to exchange minds with anyone for 5 minutes. Just to give me some peace.to stop it from constantly going around and around and thinking of a million things at once. never ever even slowing down. nights are never a full nights sleep. but broken up many many times from thoughts. 5 minutes just 5 minutes of peace and quiet. If anyone out there is bipolar you know what im talking about, and if you are not, but have someone that you know who is….PLEASE…. no matter what, DO NOT TURN AWAY from them because you just think they are”” Crazy”” they have a illness, comparable to cancer, or dietetics. A illness that is not curable . Not crazy. we didnt ask to be like this, who would? be kind to someone with mental illness, feelings do get hurt , we do feel it.
JeanneNovember 4, 2013 at 2:18 pm #44824HelenParticipantDear Jeanne
To inspire you, read the life story of brave and powerful Jeanne d’Arc, or known in english Joan of Arc: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_of_Arc
I am deeply touched by your story and am sorry to hear that people have turned their backs on you. Now, I am not bipolar but my father is and I myself struggle with anxiety and depression. I have anxiety and panic attacks for no reason (or not clearly) and it’s hard and very difficult to explain to others. But I have decided to not let this define me. I know, this may seem very rude to say, but you need to get your vision about you straight: yes, you have these issues and illnesses, and yes, they are probably always going to be a part of you BUT they are not all you are.
With the right mindset, a therapist (you didn’t mention you are seeing anyone?) and maybe the right medication (doesn’t need to be forever) you will find your way. I really do wish you all the best, please don’t give up – ever!
Much love,
Helen -
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