You might like ‘The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself’ by Michael A. Singer

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind – you are the one who hears it.”

“Only you can take inner freedom away from yourself, or give it to yourself. Nobody else can.”

“Eventually you will see that the real cause of problem is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems.”

“Imagine if you used relationships to get to know other people, rather than to satisfy what is blocked inside of you. If you’re not trying to make people fit into your preconceived notions of what you like and dislike, you will find that relationships are not really that difficult. If you’re not so busy judging and resisting people based upon what is blocked inside of you, you will find that they are much easier to get along with—and so are you. Letting go of yourself is the simplest way to get closer to others.”

“How would you feel if someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.”

“To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them… Once you’ve made the commitment to free yourself of the scared person inside, you will notice that there is a clear decision point at which your growth takes place.”

Dear iznogud:

About you having done “some stupid things in past …bcs i wanted attention , stupid once … but i made them and cover them so actually people didn’t know”, about those things you did, in Paris, before and after:

Every person on the face of this earth, including me, has done some stupid things, and many people regret having done those things. So to your question in this regard, “am i normal ????? “- definitely yes, you are normal.

Once you forgive yourself, you remove the pain of shame from those memories and you feel lighter, freer from that extra pain of shame. Your thinking will get better, not confused… your mental health will improve.

We humans do lots of “stupid things” when we have the wrong information about life and people and we want to feel good and we don’t know how. So we get desperate and do… stupid things.

When you grow up in distress, with your family as you described them, you can’t go out into the world, into Paris, away from your family and expect this change of location to make magical changes in your mind and life. You bring with you to Paris what you learned at home, in your hometown.

For example, if at home you learned that you have to always do what your mother said you should do, to obey her no matter how bad it is for you, then in Paris you might obey anyone, a stranger, and do things that are harmful to you, that make you feel badly. In this example, you learned the wrong thing at home: to obey without question, and you practiced what you learned in Paris: to obey without question.

Healing and change is about re-learning. In my example, re-learning to not obey, to think before acting, to evaluate: is doing this or that good/helpful to me or bad/harmful to me? If it is harmful to you, you choose to not do that particular thing.

What do you think about what I wrote here to you?

anita

Dear iznogud:

I did not understand much from your last post (or the one line recent post). I think it is your English, but if you post again, I think that you can make yourself clearer. Take your time to read and re-read what I wrote to you, look up any words you don’t recognize and then write your own post clearly and patiently.

You wrote: “i changed , from being quick tempered , i stop with arguing , i even forgive a lot of things because living with anger is self destruction”- do you mean that you stopped arguing with people who mistreat you? That you forgive people who mistreat you so to not feel angry?

If so, this is not what I meant by forgiving in my last post to you. What I meant was for you to forgive yourself. I did not suggest that you forgive and allow people to mistreat you.

You wrote: “when i was getting my anger out even trough making stupidities i was grounded .. now when i’m trying to swallow all that happened and is happening , to not make troubles i’m actually stuck with anxiety , in self doubt …”-

By “trying to swallow”, do you mean that you take mistreatment, or abuse without arguing, but submissively, in line with forgiving others? If so, then no wonder you are stuck in anxiety. We have to protect ourselves from abuse.

anita

Dear iznogud:

What I understand is that your story (“let me introduce you to my story” is in the title of your thread) can be stated in this one sentence, the line before last right above:

“one day I woke up, and went to school and I gave up“-

Your life has been for a long, long time about the troubles of your sister and your mother and your father. Your life was not about you, but about them.

You fought to live your life by pursuing your interests (“I tried many things to find my passion , i played guitar , drew , did different sports , learn languages , learn to work in programs”) and you left to Paris on your own, to live your life, I am thinking. But then you gave up.

You gave up on living your own life, having you as the focus of your life. To change the existing mode of life (” like ameba”), take back your life. Your sister’s life belongs to her, let her have her life. Your mother’s life is her own, leave it to her. Your life is yours to live, live it your way.

Make you the focus of your life.

anita