Wow. That is the worst feeling ever. I am going through a 3 year relationship break up but what your going through is rough. Thats your daughter!!! by your husband. What goes through ppl’s mind. Im sorry to hear that, sound like you had suffer a lot in the past.

Of course is not easy. I always wake up in the morning thinking about my ex. Or i just think about it through out the day when im alone. I am GLAD! There is a man beside you to help you get back on your feet, and dont punish yourself! Your daughter will come around. Try to talk to her! I best advice you to go talk to a PASTOR or THERAPIST to help you out. Talk your past with them or write it down and throw it away burn it. Do it over and over so your brain and heart can be clear.

Enjoy life right now with your new man, the rest is history! And dont forget about your daughter.

Deanna,

I’m so sorry for all of the suffering you’ve been through, and the confusion, regret and shame you feel about who you are and where you’ve been. It can be very disorienting to look at our past decisions, and hindsight sometimes brings painful self criticism. Don’t despair, sister, there is always a path to joy. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Buddha taught that we have a fundamental ignorance about how to find a path of balance and happiness. We have the imperfect perspectives of our parents and teachers, a few instincts, as well as a slowly blooming wisdom… but often we meet up with choices that confuse us and we make unskillful decisions. This is unavoidable. You, me, and everyone has stumbled on their path countless times. This does not make us any less lovable, any less worthy of forgiveness and acceptance.

As you look back on your decisions, it is easy to say “that is not what a loving, good person does” and place a mantle of shame right onto your head. Its perhaps true that a stable, balanced and compassionate person might have made different choices, but that’s not what you had in that moment. You had a tangled mess of emotions, thoughts and needs. That’s OK, it would have been a very trying experience for anyone… and you had an imperfect map.

As we grieve the past, and our regret and shame, the path of letting go is honorable repentance. There really is no use in spinning and spinning, letting our errors justify a critic in our brain to beat us up over and over. Instead, we can look at the choice, accept it lead to painful consequences, and honor that pain by vowing to step in a different direction. Then, the force of the painfulness reminds us to grow, fuels it. Yep, we screw up, it happens, and as we accept life is a learning process, we move on, wiser, stronger. Slowly, gently, we untangle and let go.

That is when we can let others in. We realize that we’re not a bad person. Consider that “bad” people don’t feel regret or shame. They don’t grieve and question and self criticize. You’re a good person, a loving one, and the mental and emotional pain is proof positive. You are worthy of love, dear sister, and deserve the happiness you’re seeking. You’ve been in pain for long enough, suffered through enough nights. As you keep walking your path of love and light, the past sheds like old skin… memories, but settled. That’s OK, we don’t need to honor the pain we caused for others by keeping our pain alive… we honor it by making our hugs deeper and more honest this day. Our love then grows more brilliant and nourishing for ourselves and our loved ones. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Deanna,

I am only reading this original post now – and thank you again for replying to my post on another thread.

That was a major traumatic life event to go through, and all that Matt said is true – you deserve that path to happiness and joy, as you have suffered, and you have done your best to make good decisions now. We all make choices that may not be the best – because of where we are at that time ! We are in that place, so we don’t see it as we would as an outsider, and we have circumstances that somehow have us in that frame of mind.

Do not keep punishing yourself ! I am so glad that your daughter and yourself are building the relationship between you, and that is brilliant – you both deserve it. And your partner sounds like a guy who is genuinely patient, loving and kind – and you deserve that after all you have been through.

namaste,
Barbs.