fbpx
Menu

Letting go mistakes and regret

HomeForumsShare Your TruthLetting go mistakes and regret

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #216761
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    My past relationship which is also my first relationship, ended up in only 3 months. During our times together, just because I am afraid of other people opinions on me, I couldn’t be able to express and show my feelings towards him, I tend to keep it all, in hope he know my feeling without me express it, sometimes I would tell him I love him through messages only, but when there are other people, I tend to not show my feeling, I couldn’t do what I want to do with him. He used to talk to me about marriage, and I eventually believe him that he will be the one for me. After one and a half month we’re together, we had a long-distance relationship, and he eventually initiate for a break up, saying that because of his job, he wouldn’t be able to continue our relationship. I was so sad, and started to post several sad quotes on social media.

    And it began, one of our friend, who was in the same city with him started to tell me everything, and that I shouldn’t be sad anymore. She said that he’s been getting close to other woman, and I found out one month after we broke up, he started a new relationship with the woman. I also found out that his ex-gf visited him and they went for a short holiday, and I thought that he never broke up with his ex-gf. I asked him about these, and he said that his gf came as a friend only, and the new woman are the onw who chase him.

    But each month after we broke up, I keep heaeing somwthing from our friend, like him bad mouthing me, which makes me disappointed. And I started to post quotes on social media again. I now realized I shouldn’t have done that. And eventhough she’s telling me about it, I shouldn’t 100% believe it.

    Now I regret it, that I didn’t express and show my feeling towards him, I often disappointed him, I didn’t do what I wanna do when there is a chance and what I had done after we broke up. I feel like it is all my mistake that he couldn’t stay in love with me.

    It still hard for me to let go all these feeling, the feeling that I wasn’t enough, the feeling that I was the bad person and that everyone who knows about our relationship is bad mouthing me. The only friend that I rely on, who know everything about this is also getting further away from me, which makes me even more believe that I’m the wrong one, and everyone doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. What should I do now to let go of these feeling? I stop posting anything on social media now and rarely open it.

    #217051
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lizzie888:

    I think that I communicated with you not long ago yet your previous thread is not on record. Any idea why? Perhaps you had it deleted, I wonder. Please let me know what happened to that thread. I would like to review our previous communication. Otherwise, I hope other members will reply to you.

    anita

    #217059
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for replying. Actually, this is my first time writing in this forum. I just found out about this website, read some of the threads and decided to share a story. I was hesitant at first as I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore, but I just want to get rid of those feeling.

    Liz.

    #217067
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lizzie888:

    I suppose I was mistaken. Another member had a very similar username to yours, including the number. Welcome to the forum.

    To summarize what you shared: your first relationship lasted three months, half of it long distance. You felt that you were unable to express and show your feelings toward him, hoping that he will know what you feel without you expressing it, especially when other people were present.

    He initiated a breakup with you.  After the breakup his ex girlfriend visited him and he started a new relationship. He told you that his ex girlfriend visited him as a friend only and that the new woman in his life chased him.

    A female friend of yours who lives where he lives told you first that he was getting close to another woman or plural, to other women. Later she told you that he was bad mouthing you.

    You wrote: “I feel like it is all my mistake that he couldn’t stay in love with me”, mainly because you didn’t express your feelings for him. You feel that you weren’t enough, that you were “the bad person” and that “everyone who knows about our relationship is bad mouthing me”

    My input: I am suspicious of your friend who tells you things about your ex boyfriend. I am suspecting she tells you things and she tells him things, pretending to be on your side and then on his, and in so doing, she is encouraging trouble. Better not share anything personal with her, not in a personal communication and not on social media.

    Your ex boyfriend’s answer to a question or questions you asked him was that his new girlfriend chased him. What was it you asked him; did you ask him if he chased her?

    anita

     

     

     

     

    #217113
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I know I shouldn’t believe her, but at that time I was so sad and feel betrayed, I don’t know why I keep believing what she has said to me.

    I didn’t directly asked him who chased, my question was did he really had a new gf. I shouldn’t have asked this…

    Liz

    #217183
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Liz:

    I think it is a good idea to ask questions, including asking him if he had a new girlfriend. Asking questions get you the information you need so to make informed choices.

    You didn’t ask him if he chased her or she chased him. He gave you an answer to a question you didn’t ask. It is as if he was saying: yes, I have a girlfriend, but she chased me, so .. it is not my fault I have a girlfriend. Something like that. This suggests to me that he is not very honest, or straightforward. What does it matter who chased whom when the honest, straightforward answer to your question is: yes, I have a new girlfriend.

    It is a good thing for our emotional well being to interact with people (family, friends, boyfriend) who are honest and straightforward with us.

    anita

    #217189
    Jason
    Participant

    Resilience is the ability to bounce back and get back up when we are pushed over. It seems you have been through a hardship. The best you can do now is take this experience, learn from it and apply it to your life. That way you can accept it and come to terms with your feelings and as a result you will become a better version of yourself and enjoy life more. Beautiful things such as diamonds and pearls are formed by immense pressure and hardship and don’t just happen by chance.

    #217441
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Thank you for your support. It’s been really hard for me to let go of the regret and embarrasement that I felt. I used to post quotes whenever I feel sad about it, without think much about the consequences, but then I deleted it after about an hour of so. That is why I asked my friend (we’re roommate for a year, and she knows everything about what happened between me and him, from before I start a relationship with him), I asked her for help to remind me if I post something again, but she never answer me, and continue to talk about something else, after that she never reply my message again, and I never heard anything from her again. Is it wrong for me to ask her for that? I didnt open any of my social media, I’m afraid that I will post something that will embarrased myself.

     

    Liz.

    #217445
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Dear Jason:

    Thank you for your kind words. I learnt the lesson the hard way, but I am still trying to let go the regret, especially on the things that I wanna do but couldn’t do, and the embarrassment due to what I have done in the past. I feel like I’m the worst.

    #217449
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Liz:

    You are welcome.

    Can you give an example or two of quotes you posted, such that embarrassed you, such that you are afraid you will post again?

    I will try to answer your question, but need to understand better, and will wait for your answer.

    anita

    #217461
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but at first after broke up, I posted something like I was so sad, I have to become strong. Then when I heard something from our friend, I posted about being selfish. But then, I feel that is it my mistakes that he can’t stay in love with me, so posted something about “because what I have done, I lost someone I love” I don’t remember the exact words, after I deleted it, I forget what I wrote, but the feeling which makes me uncomfortable is still there until now.

    #217471
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lizzie888:

    Telling others how you feel is very uncomfortable for you, isn’t I? Telling a person directly that you are sad or disappointed, hurt or scared, so you post quotes and hope the person will understand. You wrote earlier that you hope people will understand how you feel without you telling them.

    When you were a child, what happened when your feelings showed? Were you punished for feeling sad, for looking unhappy, hurt or angry?

    anita

    #217565
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Dear Anita:I

    don’t really talk or show my feeling when I was a child, I was really quiet and shy. I tried to change when I was in Junior School, tried to express my feeling a little bit, but it still difficult, i’m afraid other people didn’t like it or it hurt them, so I tend to keep it all inside me.

    When I did express to others that I’m sad, disappointed, angry, after expressing I will feel that I shouldn’t do that, it just feel uncomfortable, and I will start apologizing for doing it.

    I did apologizing to him too after what happened, I really don’t know what should I do.

    #217585
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lizzie888:

    In your original post you wrote, “Now I regret it, that I didn’t express and show my feelings toward him” – will you share here, in your next post, what those feelings were, that you had toward him?

    “Now I regret it.. I didn’t do what I wanna do when there is a chance”- what is it that you wanted to do and didn’t?

    anita

    #217617
    Lizzie888
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I didn’t show him enough that I really love him, I didn’t directly say it to him too.

    Maybe it sounds childish, but honestly I really like having a “couple things”, but I didn’t buy any of them when I was with him, going to amusement park with boyfriend is also one of my wish, I did plan for it, but that time, I dont know what I had thought to cancel the plan. We don’t make many memories when we together, when I had the chance, and that what I regret the most.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.