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Letting go~

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  • #41270
    Carlos J
    Participant

    There is something I have always been scared of and that is the fact that people come and go from your life ever so easily. This is something that I have always noticed and it literally is enough to make my skin itch from terror. Our life is like a book, each one of our lives is. When you meet someone that book changes forever. Even if it’s someone you met for merely 30 seconds that person managed to change your book forever because maybe if you hadn’t met that person you would have had a lonely time with yourself.

    What I’m trying to say is… How can I let go of this feeling? When someone leaves my life I know I can’t tie them down to it I must let them go but it’s so so very hard trying to cope with the fact that this person that managed to change a few stories on my book might never be there again.

    #41272
    Zenhen
    Participant

    Carlos J,

    This too shall pass. Just remember that and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that nothing is permanent. If people didn’t walk out of your life, voluntarily or otherwise, there wouldn’t be room for new people who could add to the pages in your book. Also think of things as a transformation. Summer becomes fall, fall becomes winter, etc. Change is only natural. Death is only natural. Both aren’t endings but transformations and both are constant and guaranteed. This can cause you some anxiety if you allow it to but it can also bring you great peace, tranquility and relief. If we viewed each moment as temporary, we wouldn’t take them for granted.

    Also you may have some abandonment issues, which causes this fear of people leaving. Maybe someone wasn’t there for you or someone who should have been there left. Know that we were born alone and die alone. We are more than capable of being alone and standing on our own once we develop the inner strength. One can be alone and one can be lonely. Alone is wonderful. Lonely isn’t so much. One can be lonely in a crowd, one can be lonely among family, one can be lonely next to a lover. If loneliness is really your issue, then try to figure out why you feel lonely. The most beautiful thing is learning to be alone; learning that you alone are enough and also learning to be with others without needing to have them. Many times when we are with others, we are too busy preoccupied with our own self, our own thoughts, our own worries, needs, etc. Then when we are alone we feel lonely and long for the other. So when we are here, we really want to be there and when we are there, we want to be here. Maybe this fear of being alone has to do with you avoiding yourself. I struggled with this and forced myself to be alone. At first it was hard but I soon realized I enjoy my own company. Meditation is a good way to be comfortable with being alone.

    I didn’t mean to be so blunt about death and lonesomeness. We fear these things and it causes a lot of unnecessary suffering. When we accept them as natural and essential then we can find freedom to be; freedom to be with ourselves and with others.

    Namaste,

    Zenhen

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Zenhen.
    #41281
    Anne Southern
    Participant

    Hi I’m glad I happened upon this post. I have strong abandonment issues, for many reasons.
    I’m living alone, for the first time aged 52, trying to find enough inner strength to accept this is as it should be.
    I’m exploring Meditation, also avoiding consent background noise,TV radio ect.
    I’ve read a few comments on Tiny Buddha suggesting being mindful in daily activities, Which I’m also practicing.

    I think society and media portray people alone as lonely.
    I’m going to continue my journey for now alone, happier without the consent need to please, and cling on to people who are just passing through

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