Anne Southern

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    Anne Southern

    Hi I’m glad I happened upon this post. I have strong abandonment issues, for many reasons.
    I’m living alone, for the first time aged 52, trying to find enough inner strength to accept this is as it should be.
    I’m exploring Meditation, also avoiding consent background noise,TV radio ect.
    I’ve read a few comments on Tiny Buddha suggesting being mindful in daily activities, Which I’m also practicing.

    I think society and media portray people alone as lonely.
    I’m going to continue my journey for now alone, happier without the consent need to please, and cling on to people who are just passing through

    Anne Southern

    Hi Sapna.
    Your story touched my heart. Some of the things you wrote were my story. I’m now 52 years old, Have jumped from 1 addictive relationship to another.
    I’ve always seen my self worth through the eyes of others.
    As a child my parents didn’t care for me or my 5 sisters, we never received any love or affection. I’ve realized now their parents never showed them love either.
    Over the years I’ve craved attention from all the wrong people. Friends have come and gone. The farther of my 2 children walked out when my son was 5 years old
    and was never seen again. Boyfriends have left me. every time these events have happened I’ve cried my heart out, till I can barely stand the pain.
    I was eventually given the advise Matt has given you.Go back and love your inner child.It doe;s take time to connect with your young self, It took me weeks
    to actually feel I had my younger self in my heart, and was able to hug her and promise I’d always love her.

    I’m now 2 years into my own journey. It hasn’t always been easy. I’m much kinder to myself. I no longer need people for myself validation.
    I wish you all the best and hope you gain peace love and happiness

    Anne Southern

    Hi John.
    I’m unable to cope with rejection.
    I can remember from a very early age feeling like my world had ended when a friendship ended.
    I’ve reached the age of 52 still feeling this way. The father of my 2 children walked out when my eldest son was 5years old. He’s now 33,
    we never saw their dad again. I stayed in a very a abusive relationship for 10 years, even tho he kept leaving, he’d return after a few weeks.
    Nowadays I try and avoid any situation where someone might say they don’t want to see me or need me. I feel my heart tightening in my chest.
    I then build up an whole scenario of how I’m not part of their lives.
    I’m living alone now because I’m so scared of letting anyone into my life, I try desperately hard not to ask anyone for anything, as a way of self protection.
    I’m letting life past me by.I realize I’m doing all this self sabotage. to myself and allowing certain family members to treat me bad.
    I would love to feel that I was in control of my own life but it doesn’t feel that way.
    Looking back over my relationships I’ve always hooked up with people who have issues,,again making myself myself my own worst enemy.

    Anne Southern

    I’m having issues with obsessive thoughts, and right now feel very rejected by a family member. Today though I started decorating my lounge,
    I’ve put this off a number of occasions,mainly running around after my Daughter, and waiting in case she needs me.
    It all stops now……My lounge looks fantastic even tho I do say so myself……. I love the fact that today I’ve sung along to some of my favorite CDs,
    and been here for me xxx

    Anne Southern

    Hi Samir. Thank you for your kind words.
    I checked out your link, It truly summed up my feelings.Part of me feels I have no rights to this grief. His girlfriend stayed by his bedside through his treatment, and was there when he passed away. I feel sorry that she doesn’t have much contact with his family, so miss’s out on their support.
    I like to believe he’s looking down upon us all.
    I try to live a much better life, one not dominated by getting into another relationship. I need time to heal, and to forgive myself.
    Hopefully when I’m honestly ready to meet someone new, we’ll both be well balanced with no need for all the mind games and dependency..

    Anne Southern

    Hi Ingrid. My relationship also lasted 9 years.we parted then got back together on many occasions. We both come dependent on each other. When we were apart jealousy took over,there would be emails, texts and phone calls accusing each other of cheating. i obsessed over him always wanting contact, needing that interaction no matter how small. We’d brought 2 dogs when we first meet, (he’d kept them) so that become another reason to bind us together. now I think we both found it difficult to let go. Eventually he meet someone new, and fell in love. There was no more contact between us.My jealousy was immense,I even wrote him a couple of letters, which wasn’t very nice. He’d ignore me if we meet in the street. that hurt more than anything. His sister is still one of my closest friends. So though her I;d hear occasionally about his life. I pretended to her I wished him to be happy. I eventually hared he’d got engaged, he’d never asked me to marry him. I realized I couldn’t hang onto what if anymore.It was over. One year later he got cancer and died aged 35. I still feel guilty 2 years on. In hindsight I wished I’d set him free. Our dogs are now looked after by his dad, I remain in contact with all his family, They never got to build a relationship with his girlfriend. I attend the anniversaries, Birthday, day he died ect. I visit his grave and apologize for my behaviour towards the end.
    I should’ve got in contact when I heard how ill he’d become.his sister said he’s in ICU nothing could be done.
    Time passes the guilt doesn’t.
    Live your life Ingrid. no one knows when it’ll all be to late xxx

    Anne Southern

    Hi John. Your list of culprits are nearly identical to my own. I’m trying to be creative,( although forcing myself would be a more honest) Other people tell me I’m my own worst enemy. With my long list of reasons to live in my insular world. Like most people I would love to have more confidence self esteem, but over the years I’ve lost both. I get invited out by family and friends.I’ll mostly go along, only to find I’m observing not participating. I allow no one to build a close relationship with me for fear of history repeating itself. I also have some mental health issues, which results in my self contained fortress always being guarded . Today after reading many helpful posts on Tiny Buddha forum, I’ve decided if while walking my dog Freddy , someone stops to say hi or fuss him I’m going to take pleasure being in the now. Thank you for sharing. It makes so much difference Knowing many of us are experiencing similar situations

    Anne Southern

    IOn paper my life looks pretty ok. My head tells a completely different story. I try very hard to live in the now…..Does’t happen often enough. Some days I wonder if I’ve been such a bad person to have ended up this lonely.I protect myself for fear of ejection. I have 2 grown up children and 6 grandchildren. I’m close to my family, but they don’t need me with them constantly. I feel guilty about my childrens pasts,although they tell me their fine and to live my life…….What life.. I feel I should be out there having a wonderful time. My friend died of Cancer last year,he wanted so much to live. Had plans for the future was full of life. Makes me feel awful because I don;t have that jest for life. Friends tell me I’ve built such an high fortress around myself no one can reach me…….. I’ve recently joined this site after another Sunday spent lo
    looking for answers

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)