Dear Nico,

There is so much in your story that is good. You have been through a lot, changed the way you think and behave and become stronger as a result.It seems to me you don’t need anyone’s wisdom – you already have it inside you, and you would benefit from connecting with it…Your sister has voiced some valid concerns, but why project all that negativity into situations which have not occurred? If you have decided to try and make the new business work, the only way to find out if you will be successful is to try. I have always found that the only way to deal with fear is to face it. Everyone gets fearful about things, and acknowledging there could be problems is helpful. Predicting outcomes like you will go mad etc. is not helpful.

You were brilliant in school, and you had a great career, both of which are great indicators that you will be successful in a new business venture if you stay focused. Who’s to say that once things get going and feel more independant financially that you won’t find your own place, while continuing to work with your family?

I have found as I have developed greater spiritual awareness that I am more comfortable voicing my feelings and setting boundaries. No-one can help you decide whether having to witness your father’s abusive behavior is enough for you to change your mind about living and working with him. You say he has changed as he has aged and maybe that’s true. In any event, you have changed and even though you are moving away, will still be in contact with the new supportive friends you have made. In deciding to go ahead it is important for you to remind yourself of this. Remember too that loving yourself means feeling comfortable stating your feelings and setting boundaries — witnessing your father’s abusive behavior towards your mother, may involve this.

Feel good about yourself and live in the moment – let go of the fear and let your heart guide your way.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Dear Nico,

Every experience is unique, every feeling is unique. I can never say that I one hundred percent understand how you feel, but I do have a good understanding of where you’re coming from. The things you say about an abusive father, which I also had, resulted into having low self-esteem, constantly looking for love and being needy while dating. My best friend calls me self-destructive when it comes to relationships. I always, always seem to choose the ones that don’t last and hurts me like crazy.

I’ve thought about suicide too, but I probably won’t do it because I realized after all the tough things I’ve been through I know I can get out of it again. Pain is just a snapshot in life. It will feel like it’ll never go away, ever, but it does. It fades. The battle wound may never heal fully and leave a scar, but a scar is okay. It shows courage and determination.

Don’t be scared to fail. Don’t forget about how you felt before you talked to your sister. Don’t let the negative feelings conquer your positive ones. Negative feelings are always stronger than the positive ones, but you can mentally overcome them by repeating these words to yourself.

Falling is okay, if you get up again. Fall six times, stand up seven times. Only by failing you’ll receive succes. Look at Steve Jobs, he had failed many times before reaching the top. Look at Michael Jordan, they told him he shouldn’t play basketbal because he just sucked and look at him now. Look at Walt Disney, people told him he wasn’t creative enough. So don’t be scared for this.

As for your abusive father. It’s just not right. Don’t let him get the best of you. Be strong, try it. It’s better to regret what you’ve done than regretting what you haven’t done. If it doesn’t work out, just leave. Go to your friends. You shouldn’t feel jailed, there are always more routes to your destination.

I hope this helps and hope you’ll keep us updated.