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LIFE HAS BECAME A TORTURE

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  • December 24, 2017 at 7:15 am #183377
    RISHABH
    Participant

    Am suffering from past 1 year from immense pain and no one around me. i feel so lonely, my 2016 was so good uptill november everywhere studies,life,enjoyment everything was on top but then it started to deteriorate. i know that from inside am missing someone very special deeply & i die daily while i think of my beautiful past,situations have kept us apart and i tried a 1000 times to convince my self to move on from past but i dwell into it again am truely missing that special person very very badly,i used to be so happy and now it seams i have forgot what happiness is. i go in cinema to watch comedy movie so that i could laugh feel relaxed and the whole hall laughs but its me who is expressionless, since i shifted from my old home to new home in bombay i already lost contact with so many good friends then i got someone really special and now even that person isnt near me and that person is my life i have tried to move on with the pace of life but everytime i have failed, i am loosing all hope from life i cry in the bathroom and dont let my parents know cause i know they will never understand my problem,am deppressed lonely and unhappy, i have lost the momentum in studies which i got in november 2016(i was topper) but at wrong time i have lost momentum am an 18year old boy who is searching peace and calmness in life please help me anyone

    December 24, 2017 at 7:44 am #183385
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear RISHABH:

    Recently, your parents and you moved to Bombay, correct? Leaving an old home behind, old friends and someone who was very special to you. You are now so very lonely in a big city, no one to talk to.

    When we are alone, with no one to talk to, no one to express our feelings to, we do get depressed and very distressed, not calm.

    Question is, who can you talk to about how you feel? You need someone who will be interested in listening to you, who will be empathetic to you, care how you feel. There has to be someone able and willing.

    On your thread here, you are welcome to express yourself, to post anytime you can and when I am at the computer (I am daily here), I will read your posts and reply.

    anita

    December 27, 2017 at 5:57 pm #183989
    WorrierLady
    Participant

    Hi Rishabh,

    It is you who is torturing yourself, not life. It sounds like your mind is living in the past. Hence, you do not see the beauty of the now. Control your thinking. If you find yourself in that self pity hole again, do something like going for a run, cooking or reading.

    “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” – Fulton Oursler

    December 28, 2017 at 6:00 am #184061
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rishabh,

    I can very much relate to how you feel, and what you are going through. I know what it’s like. I too, miss my past..and some very special people that meant so much to me, that are no longer alive. I still miss a man I had a break-up with over a year ago. But I know that he is no longer that same person, I really don’t want him back, just the memories, the laughs, the feelings of being in love, the giddiness.

    I miss my Dad, who was my best friend, the last of my family. He passed in 2008. Sometimes like you, I feel very much alone. I spend the Holidays alone, my birthday alone, another Valenday’s day comes and goes with no special someone, yet I can’t date due to being in very poor health.

    I think the past can be our own worst enemy. We have no control over it. It is gone. What we have to do is cherish the beautiful memories that we did love someone, when many people have never experienced that. You were happy once, and you *will* be happy again. When we feel lonely, the thing is to reach out in any way you can. Even if it’s yo people to people you feel won’t understand. I feel you need the connections with your parents, they may surprise you if given a chance. I’m sure they miss you very much. The thing we have to do is create memories now, even though we are on an unfamiliar and lonely place.

    I moved from one part of the United States, all the way to the other ebd, by myself. I did not know anyone. No family there, no friends, no job. It was a very lonely and frightening time. But gradually, I got to know people, found a roommate, and ended up creating some beautiful memories, even meeting a man, I was going to marry. We ended up not getting married, but I cherish the memories. Try to do the same. It’s okay to think about the past, but try to know it is only thoughts and just observe them. Don’t become them, and let them bring you down. You can create beautiful memories anywhere you are. I hope you keep posting.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Eliana.
    December 28, 2017 at 8:31 am #184117
    RISHABH
    Participant

    Thank u eliana,anita and worrier lady for ur comments, the thing is in may 2016 after completing my class 10 examinations we shifted here and then i lost my contacts with most of the friends and even they didnt cared to call or anything, then i started with my class 11 studies life was boring but wasnt depressing, i wasnt really feeling bad at that time cause i loved maths,physics they kept me busy i didnt knew a disaster is coming, in july 2016 a girl came to stay with us(thats a different story why she came) she stayed with us initially i kept distance and didnt thinked too much bout her but then we started spending time together at home,we enjoyed our time whenever we were together, we used to tease each other and TO BE HONEST I HAVENT ENJOYED THIS MUCH WITH ANYONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE didnt care about tommorow i just lived freely enjoyed, i was stress free and the most important thing I WAS HAPPYY my studies on top, now that was situation till 10 november 2016 then that special girl was going on 20 NOVEMBER 2016 and then i thought okay she was a friend now going thats okk normal but inside it wasnt normal, she left without saying goodbye or anything i wanted to hug her last day and i teased her and said goodbye but she didnt replied. That i had 2 tests but i didnt wanted to give them cause she was going so i thought i will say her goodbye but my father forced me and went and she didnt even said goodbye. i was feeling depressed only thinking bout her and nothing else from that day, her separation from me was very painful and i know that its definitely less painful than losing ur father(eliana) but am emotional fool and weak, i didnt knew what was that why i was feeling lonely and depressed from inside i missed her immensely i used to cry a lot in bathroom then, i thought these feelings will fade away but it was january 2017 and i was on my lowest point in my life truely worst phase,lonelyness,no friends around,nothing then i decided to call her u know cant meet her cause she is 1500km away from me finally called her by taking number from my mums phone and she told herself that she missed me a lot then i told i felt the same and from then we talked regularly and i liked her(loved her) and made a bit kinda comeback in life and on 26th may 2017 i met her cause she lives in our native place that too for just 14hours from 20:00 to 10:00 and we werent able to talk to see spend time cause everyone were around came back again sms etc,now i didnt told my parents bout it that i talked with her and someday in august my mum found bout it and guess what she scolded me so much even beat me and took my phone and didnt asked even once under what condition i called her and why i expected this atleast this from my father but even he didnt u see MY GOOD PARENTS WHOM I LOVED EVERY SECOND EVERYTIME AND HAD DONE SO MANY THINGS THEY DIDNT HELPED ME EITHER, that day i thought if its not parents then who on this planet shall i tell, but soon i got mobile and i get taunts from my mother and trust me IT HURTS, i still called her cause knew we cant stay away and again we texted etc she was an INDIAN VILLAGE GIRL and u know they dont get to study early marriage etc but she got to study,but told if her parents come to know everything will end her life her dreams early marriage etc she is 2years older then me and even i thought we had no future and it was risky cause i didnt want her to loose her dreams and that 1500km hurts a lot and can never be overcomed cause even if i visit my village she still stays 30-40km away and have no excuse to meet her and we no more talk and its gonna be 2018 almost 2years and still i miss her and have became aimless and no goals just going on and nothing to laugh and of late i have stopped talking to my parents(mum) father talks bout studies but still am empty,lonely living in past and have tried everything.

    December 28, 2017 at 10:37 am #184169
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear RISHABH:

    You are lonely, “empty, lonely”- you don’t have the woman you love in your life anymore, having no possible future with her- and your parents turned their backs on you, punishing you for loving her.

    I wrote “no possible future”- well, almost, no possible future. From all my readings on these forums, when the families of potential couples in a practiced arranged-marriages culture do not agree on the unions, it is very, very unlikely to happen.

    If you agree, that there is no possible future with her, if the two of you can not and will not escape your families’ retribution, then give up on her being in your life. The sadness in completely giving up will not last forever.

    With some time, seek closeness with another person, be it a friend, someone who will listen to you with empathy and respect. And do post again, anytime.

    anita

    December 28, 2017 at 1:29 pm #184205
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rishabh,

    I used to think the same thing. Things and times have changed so much. I don’t know how old you are, I am most likely much, much older than you. I grew up in the 70’s. Back then, times were simpler. No internet, technology, smartphones, computers. People would come over. Many people didn’t even lock the door to their homes. No one needed an invitation to come over. People would come over, neighbors, friends, and we would all sit on the front or back porch, laugh, have bonfires, someone would play the guitar, we would sing, go swimming in the pool..eventually, everyone headed inside..we would all congregate in the kitchen..hang out, talk, play card and board games, then sometimes we would all just hop in a van and go for a drive. There was no lonliness.

    Now, times have changed. People have changed. Lives have become stressed, jobs are no longer stable, back in the 70’s and 80’s people would work one job and retire. No more. It’s all about climbing the ladder, materialism, No one cares enough to make a simple phone call or stop by and visit. It’s all about “texting” or impersonal stuff like social media, and it makes for a lonely world. I wish I could save a majic wand, and make it the simple, fun, easy days of the past. I am sure your friends *do* care, but they are so busy with demanding careers, chores, kids, etc, they don’t have time, as they are too busy trying to rush around trying to get things done, answer e-mails. It’s all become impersonal.

    You will meet someone special. Don’t give up. Try to meet new friends. Reach out. You won’t be believe all the lonely people out there aching for a kind word, a listening ear, someone to talk to. All you have to do is reach out. Hang in there, keep posting here as well.

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