Dear Steve:

I hope you feel better today, soon.

You wrote that you were diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Did you attend psychotherapy and if you did, for how long and what happened there, in therapy?

anita

Hi Steve,

I like nextsteps’ suggestions.  I was also thinking that maybe you could write a list of any and all things that you enjoy (keep adding to it whenever you think of something) and try to do one or more of those things each day.

I know it’s really not easy, though, to find anything at all that you like when you are very depressed.  I have stretches of days or weeks when I get like that – when I say that I “hate everything” and I feel like I can’t enjoy anything – favorite shows, activities, people, or anything.  It’s when all of the things that you would normally like just seem to suck.  But still, try to see if there’s anything that you could look forward to doing, like making art.  I mean, my paintings and drawings aren’t great, but I love doing them anyway.

I know you said you don’t see any way that your situation can change, but it’s not true.  It might feel that way to you, in your present mental state, but it can change.

I’m also socially anxious, and stick to only a couple of family members and my husband most of the time, but even being around family drains me so much sometimes because I get hyper and nervous, so please understand that my suggestions aren’t being made by someone outgoing and confident.

More things I can think of that might help:

List any shows that you even can slightly enjoy and try to watch some.

Do exercise, because it can really help you feel better, over time.  Walking, lifting some weights, doing YouTube aerobics videos, etc.  Check with your doctor first, they say.  Or just keep it mild enough to be safe, for now.

If you think you don’t consume or get (from sunlight) enough D, take a supplement.  Disclaimer – check with your doctor to see if you need it, but I know I was extremely deficient (almost record-setting low, my doctor said), and it’s helping me to feel better.  Also, you might need magnesium.  Many people do.

Eat more vegetables, and just eat better, as best you can.  Over time, that reduces your inflammation, and can help with depression.

List any hobbies to try.  Anything you can accomplish or do can make you feel better.

Consider writing a book about your experiences, to help others.  Even if you don’t turn it into an actual book, you might feel better getting some of it out.

Try to do short outings with anyone you like, or even by yourself.  Like, go to a museum or art museum, or get out in nature (being near moving water can help – the negative ions help you feel better).

You can get comfortable being on your own and being around strangers, even just a little bit.  Try to smile at friendly-looking people, or even comment about something, if you feel like it.  If you get out and do things you like, and learn to love yourself more and enjoy your life as it is, then eventually you could be comfortable enough and might meet someone when you are out there living your life.  You certainly can’t meet anyone at home, nor can you meet anyone when you are feeling so down.  Don’t expect to find love in your current state – just work at feeling better first.

Also, try to avoid social media and the unrealistic (and fake) lives that it portrays.  People’s lives aren’t as happy and perfect as they want you to believe.  So, while you feel like other people are all in relationships, they aren’t really all as great as you might think.

Anyway, these are just suggestions.  If you like any of them, you can make a plan for yourself.  Oh, also visualize yourself feeling better.  Close your eyes, counteract any negative thoughts with words and images.  It can help.

Another thing I do is print some positive graphics from Buddha Doodles or anywhere online and also from this site we are on:

https://tinybuddha.com/category/fun-and-inspiring/

and put them up around the house so I can see them and be inspired.  Or if you don’t have a printer, just write down the words and draw your own simple pictures to go with them.  That in itself can be therapeutic (art therapy).

I know when you are severely depressed, anything can sound too hard or can sound like it won’t work, but just try a little bit at a time (like 5 minutes of exercise), and you maybe can gradually feel a bit better, then better and better.

Also, if things ever get even more serious, seek help.  Don’t ever give up!

Mimi

Just opening this up for discussion, but in my opinion the real cure here is for you to really align yourself with some people in a close relationship. It will require you to be vulnerable and open with others, something unnatural and unpleasant but necessary in order to build friendship.

You are feeling low in general because you’re not receiving enough feedback of being wanted/needed in a group setting frequently enough. This general low mood is the body’s way of almost hibernating I think, it’s like it’s in rest mode and saving energy for when it’s needed. Notice how the body doesn’t shock us into a heightened state of at the fact we’re facing loneliness or are distant from a tribe etc. Regardless, I think trying to expand your circle is all you can do.

Either way my best wishes.

B